Sungrl

Be on guard Blossom, I hate to be negative, I really do.

I guess after the hell I went through with x, I am a little jaded. Not bitter at all just cautious.

Anyhow, I love living with just myself and my daughter. Love it. My other two kiddos are out on their own. I am in a place where I do not want my space invaded. My home is my own and I love it that way. I am the envy actually of my married girlfriends because daughter and I have a total "woman cave" right down to the hot pink zebra stripped curtains in the bathroom. (they are not as tacky as they sound)

Anyway , I hope he gets it. I have a funny feeling though so keep us posted and keep you boundary. I don't like he voiced "his" opinion on you having a treadmill in YOUR bedroom. Not his place to say. Good Luck

Florence

The way I see it, you have to draw bright lines around what you want for your children while you're dating. I took a LOT of time before letting my current BF be around my kids. I wanted to get a real good look at who he was, whether or not he was trustworthy, whether or not I liked his friends and family, if he was nice to me, how he handled conflict, etc. All of that takes time, months and months of it. We've been seeing each other as friends for a long time (1.5-2 years?), as BF/GF for maybe eight months or so. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on who he is and how he handles his life, which is why I let him spend time with us at my house.

But he's not moving in anytime soon.

Hawkeye13

Your house (and little Blossom's)

Your house (and little Blossom's)

Your house (and little Blossom's)

Keep your space and heal. I agree with others--this seems pushy

Bullfrog

I don't know, but I am seeing huge red flags about all of it.

Fandy

The last thing you need is an INSTANT family and another 3 year old....
he lives with his Mom, he is probably desperate to get out...Why he cannot place himself in the same position you did (buy a house and live on his own caring for his child and arranging child care) means he will be more than a *Cling-on*.

my God, it sounds like he is ready to breast feed off of you.

This is different than a man offering to start a real life with you....and CONTRIBUTING to the purchase of a home, or offering you marriage and a stable relationship, along with a stable financial picture.

I really advise that he step WAY BACK or you push him back....why even jump into a steady relationship at this point....it has only been a few months since you had the last one. he is NOT the only guy out there. "my mama told me you better shop around"

Blossom717

Thanks! I haven't had the convo with him yet, just the slight comments about it being mine and DD's. I have distanced myself a little from him...which isn't hard we don't see each other except every other weekend lol. Him pushing towards living together makes me pull back. I feel bad for that. But I also am not going to let anyone just come in and take the much needed space DD and I need away.

LemonGirl

This thread has made me giggle several times!

I had a boyfriend once who, after a year and a few months, felt that he was going to be able to start disciplining my daughters with me and even changing my approach! I made it very clear that the parenting was my sole job, but that I expect my girls to respect him, and some things we will have to decide together. Needless to say he threw a fit about it and played the victim role.

We didn't work out, obviously, but I did chalk it up to having very different core values, and that never works, codie, clingy, or otherwise...

Just try not to take his reaction personally. Good luck!

LexieCat

I don't necessarily see this as a huge red flag situation--some men are just very eager to take things to the next level right away. My dad married my mom after they dated for a week and then wrote to each other for a few months. A few months after my mom died he met a lady at his class reunion, and a month or so later they were making wedding plans. They've been married for 25 years now. Some guys know what they want, just like that. And it can work--IF both parties want it and are ready for it.

So you want things to move more slowly, and you won't know how he takes that until you talk with him. His response will tell you a lot about whether he's someone you DO want to start trusting.

So I'm not alarmed, but I think you're very smart to listen to your own instincts about what's right for you and your daughter right now. You both need some healing time before rushing into another living-together situation.

HopefulElle

Hi Blossom, I am with Fandy on this. I see a giant red flag. If he is assuming things as big as moving in with you, and after such a short time together, imagine what he could be like if he did move in. I do not blame you for pulling back. I would have been completely bothered by the presumption.