Jodie77

It's been 2 weeks since my XAF dumped me. I deleted FB and instagram. I have not reached out to him. He is still in contact with my AB and tells him he has moved on. I can't wrap my brain around 5 years together with this man who seemed obsessed with me and he has just walked away so carefree. Yes I was angry at the end of our relationship; I had resentment I won't deny. That is the reason he left he said. Still it seems so heartless and cruel to do this to me. 5 years meant nothing?

He has not contacted me. I lay awake at night anxious, distraught, guilt ridden, hurt, confused. I can't believe he hasn't reached out even once. I'm trying so hard to come to terms with everything but my mind and heart are spinning. I don't want to reach out to him because he already thinks I'm weak. Advice?

happybeingme

My only advice is let it go and get yourself into therapy and/or alanon. You need to figure out why you are so hurt over a man who prefers alcohol and cocaine to you. Don't you deserve better?

charis78

Drinking helps them not reach out I think.

dandylion

Jodie....I will repeat, again....you are in the acute phase of grieving. You can expect this to continue for about 6 to 9 months (the acute part). Grieving is painful and made up of many different kinds of emotions. Yours sound very normal, to me, for this stage--and the kind of relationship that you had.

for this moment...I would suggest that you start journaling all of y our feelings...especially the angry ones. Put all the hurt and anger, etc. on paper. You will be shocked a year or two from now when you go back and read it.
I would also suggest that you go onto amazon and get one of the more popular books on GRIEF (many are intended for loss through death)...but, the process is almost identical. This, at least, prepares you for what is normal and what to expect over time.

I believe that I shared, with you, my own experience with this stage of grief after a verrry difficult break-up in my other posts to y ou.
Believe me, we would all take away your pain if we could. But, this is a walk that you have to take by yourself. There simply is no other way around it. The fastest way around it is through it.

When you can't sleep , at all, during the night....get out of bed and write your FEELINGS on paper--all of them. Then turn it over to God until the morning.

Truly...I believe that this character has taken you (like the captured and imprisoned porpious (sp?) ) and released you back to the ocean where you can finally be free and be who you were intended to be. He may have (unknowingly) done you the biggest favor of your life....you just are not i n a position (emotionally) to realize it...just yet...

dandylion

charis78

Dandelion sent me this article and I think it will answer alot of your questions too.

Addiction, Lies and Relationships

iamthird

Jodie, I would feel that way too and we had a child. I would see the lack of feeling and I personalized it like it was only to me. That lack of emotion is not about you. Do not take that on. Remember that if he could communicate and express himself in a healthy way you would not be broken up and he probably would not use alcohol to cope with life. I used to have your thoughts exactly then one day my therapist said: "He was not healthy in the relationship, why would he miraculously be healthy out of it?"

I know your pain. It is so painful at first. Go back to my early threads and you will see how my walk has been.

You have to ask yourself the hard questions. I say that repeatedly on my responses on others threads. Ask yourself why you think so little of yourself to give someone so much power who has walked away from you. I had to ask myself the same thing to realize I was just as broken as my separated AH.

What he is displaying to the world is absolutely no sign of whats going on on the inside. Believe me.

aboutdone

Hey Girl! We are going through this together. Just keep moving forward!!!
In the 2 weeks since my crazy making led to giving mine the boot here is what has happened.
1. Van Repoed
2. Found out house getting foreclosed on (had no idea)
3. Another vehicle (daughters bday present) soon to be repoed
4. Has his naked profile on adult friend finders for the entire duration of our relationship.

And **** just keeps coming...

I have 3 kids 10& under that I now have to start at square one with trying to rebuild a life for them and I am not young.
Hes already moved on, involved and washed his hands of everything and
YES I am the bad guy. Of course I am.

It may not be the most soothing thought but truth is this.
1 of 3 things are going to happen to him
1. He may never know love because he continues on this path.
2. He may hit rock bottom and be consumed with guilt.
3. He will die from the progressiveness of his disease.

None of those choices are too appealing to me. It hurts girl. It hurts bad. But I know I jusr need to get through it and move forward.
I'm losing weight, thanks to him. But its a positive.
I start a new job in a week, thanks to him.
I'm healing everyday and becoming closer to God, thanks to him.
I'm doing wtf I want now, thanks to him.
I'm growing and getting stronger, thanks to him.

Whats he doing? The same he has always done. On to his next victim, who will think everything is great, meanwhile he will have his online profiles behind her back. He will always be fighting for his life thru addiction. His life sucks ass and I know that if he wasn't effed up from addiction we could have been good, but he IS effed up. Always has been, is now, and always will be. It is just who he is and I get the chance to fly. So I'm going to take it and soar with the Eagles!

Jodie77

Thanks all. I had a massive crying fit today...it got messy emotionally. It's only been 2 weeks but I still feel SO incredibly raw. The weird thing is even though it's only been 2 weeks in one sense I feel so far removed from him, it almost feels like 2 years. Weird.