QueSera81

My ex-boyfriend started emailing me via an online dating site and visiting my profile multiple times daily. My request for him to stop was met with "this is a public website, blah blah blah." So, I picked up the phone and pretty much tore into him. We hadn't talked in almost two weeks. He really did sound so sad (but yet he has an online dating profile). He also said he hadn't had a drink since the night I ended things, which I am also skeptical about. At the end of the conversation I told him that it was going to be our last conversation for a long time and potentially forever. He thought I hung up and he sobbed for a few minutes before he realized I was still there. It really tore me apart.

The thing is, as much as it was hard to hear the sadness in his voice, it doesn't change how sad I felt during our relationship. And how on edge I was when he was around because I never knew when he would get upset/angry/worked up and have that EDGE in his voice. I took so much crap from him while he was drinking regularly that by the time he stopped, my feelings for him were just...dead. I decided to give it a try a little longer because things were actually better. But in the end, how I truly felt deep down never changed and never will. I know he blames me for breaking him, and that is especially hard for me to hear because I am a nurturing caring person in both my personal and professional lives. But I didn't do this, right? He did. And actions have consequences. And sorry doesn't fix things, even if he thinks it does.

firebolt

You didn't do this to him. He did it to him. You probably did him more of a favor that you know by leaving! Best to you!

knowthetriggers

My AH husband once said to me "Save me". My response to him "Save yourself". They can be very sad and tell you what you want to hear but actions speak louder than words. Stay strong and take care of you!

shelton40

Thank you for your honesty. I hope you continue to stand your ground. He must feel the pain of his actions. Its calked growing up. Hugs

dandylion

QueSera.....if he is ever going to change....most likely it will be his pain that is his catalyst.
Your presence will not help him, in that regard......

The 12 steps would help him a lot, though.......

dandylion

ladyscribbler

Yeah, my ex has been really upset about all of his self-created problems lately.
Not much I can do about that. Except maybe not worry about it and leave him to his consequences.

HollyC88

MY AEXBF just called me yesterday saying the same kinda ****. I knew this was going to happen... but we need to continue to move forward....

QueSera81

Thanks everyone. I think I'm just having a really stressful week. I'm having a contract issue at my job - they want to change my terms despite the fact that I accepted this job over a year ago and I've ALREADY BEEN WORKING AT IT FOR SIX MONTHS. Most of the new terms are fine, but there's one that is stressing me out beyond belief. I uprooted my life to take this job, and it is my only anchor here besides my (now ex-)boyfriend and a house that I bought and love more than anywhere I've ever lived before. I think I just feel very lonely.

LexieCat

Contracts can't be changed, unilaterally. You can insist on the original terms--though if you were hoping for a renewal, that might foreclose that possibility.

spiderqueen

A very wise and kind doctor of mine, now retired, said exactly this to me when I broke up with my XABF. It helped a lot, coming from him.