Chantal88

Jodie -

I have a lot of issues with abandonment, as I've experienced it my whole life.

For most of my life I didn't handle it too well. In fact I would say out of all my issues, it was the one that held me back the most. But when I finally did start to adress it, here is what helped-

Therapy
Reading other people's stories of abandonment
Journaling
Crying
Staying connected to what I felt and not trying to escape it
Confiding in people close to me about what I was experiencing
Art
Poetry/Writing
Hiking
Being with my animals
Exercise
Nurturing myself
Prayer

I'm sure there are also many other small things I also did that helped. The important thing is to let yourself feel and not try to escape the pain. Many people make that mistake. Hope this helps

NYCDoglvr

First, don't see it as abandonment because it isn't. Can an adult even be abandoned? He's an addict and for all addicts the substance -- alcohol -- is their Higher Power, God, great love of their life and most important thing on earth. That's how addiction works, why people throw away their lives, when the unacceptable becomes acceptable. Sometimes it helps me to say "feelings aren't facts": i.e., just because I feel abandoned doesn't mean I've been abandoned. It's just a feeling.

Alanon is a lifesaver, at least it saved my sanity. I recommend it.

HollyC88

I needed to see this thread this morning. I'm dealing with my abadonment issues with my AEXBF as we speak. It's very hard learning to be on your own again. I know it will take time but I'm being so hard on myself and how long its taking me to get there...

Off to the gym I go....

Thinking of you through this journey together<3

Jodie77

Thank you all. You are helping tremendously!!

Jodie77

Thanks All.

freetosmile

I guess I would respectfully disagree with this- not disagree with the feelings aren't facts- that I do agree with.

But I do believe that people assume "adults" don't need the same thing as children.

Yes, I believe you can be abandoned as an adult. If you have married someone, you are taking vows. To me I view it as a contract. It IS a partnership. This is especially true for me. I take marriage very seriously and I didn't marry my ex...because I knew God didn't want me with him.

The point is, once those vows have been broken (usually by the alcoholic- by not loving, respecting, cherishing, etc) then they have "abandoned their post". They aren't living up to what they agreed to. So for the other person, they *have* ( and rightfully so IMO) *planned* a future for themselves that involved the other person because that was what they SAID THEY WERE GOING TO DO. The breaker of the vows abandoned that contract for their own selfish desires. So yes, I think when you plan a future with someone and they agree to that future and abandon their "post", yes it is exactly what it feels like---abandonment.

I also think that *some* the needs of children carry on into adulthood. We say kids need positive reinforcement--- like adults don't? We all want that affirmation that we are doing a good job (at work, at home, etc). I don't know why we always assume that adults don't need that. I can honestly see some codie in that...but I'm trying not to go overboard on the codie thing...YES I want validation. I WANT to be told I'm doing a good job. I WANT positive reinforcement!! I don't think that is a bad thing. I'm not going to go searching for it, and I won't pitch a fit when I don't get it...but it is NICE when I do.