Feeling Discouraged....Husband Asked If He Could Have a Beer Tonight
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
How am I not supposed to be his keeper? Should I let him drink
you aren't IN CHARGE of him.
you aren't IN CONTROL of him and what he does.
this isn't Simon Says.
when he asked if he could have a beer with dinner, a boundary appropriate response might have been: If you choose to drink, I will not go anywhere with you or be around you.
boundaries aren't rules for how THEY should behave, they are instructions for what WE will do in certain instances. same as Stop Drop and Roll, or Drop Cover and Hold.
i know you believe you have this power and influence over him and his decision making.....but you do not. you only have power over your own decisions. like staying sober and staying away from abusive people. he's getting the itch to drink.....that seed was planted when he "quit" as he never intended to STAY QUIT. his marijuana maintenance program isn't keeping the beast at bay.....pot really does NOT work as a substitute for any other drug.......he's kind of like the bipolar that misses the high highs and is willing to deal with the low lows to get them, thus they go off their meds.....
he's a ticking time bomb. where do you plan to be when he goes boom?
you aren't IN CHARGE of him.
you aren't IN CONTROL of him and what he does.
this isn't Simon Says.
when he asked if he could have a beer with dinner, a boundary appropriate response might have been: If you choose to drink, I will not go anywhere with you or be around you.
boundaries aren't rules for how THEY should behave, they are instructions for what WE will do in certain instances. same as Stop Drop and Roll, or Drop Cover and Hold.
i know you believe you have this power and influence over him and his decision making.....but you do not. you only have power over your own decisions. like staying sober and staying away from abusive people. he's getting the itch to drink.....that seed was planted when he "quit" as he never intended to STAY QUIT. his marijuana maintenance program isn't keeping the beast at bay.....pot really does NOT work as a substitute for any other drug.......he's kind of like the bipolar that misses the high highs and is willing to deal with the low lows to get them, thus they go off their meds.....
he's a ticking time bomb. where do you plan to be when he goes boom?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
I think you handled this very well too. I would just note this:
If or when you are ready to go, YOU go. You do not need him to allow it and you do not need to wait for him to do something so bad that you feel justified in his or anyone else's eyes. You are an adult woman, you can do as you see fit.
he needs to let me go
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