wolflvr

Hi everyone. Well my husband has a doctors appt. today to have a cat scan scheduled to see if his pancreas has a cyst or not and to get some blood work done. As some of you already know he was hospitalized in March and almost died cuz of pancreatitis and liver problem (hep c, alc. cirrhosis) etc. He made it through that ok then was hospitalized again in June cuz he started drinking again (heavily) and got pancreatitis again. He stopped after that for a month and has since started again(not like before). Anyways, I called his doctors office so his doctor will know he is still drinking and talk to him about the seriousness of its effects on his health. They arent going to tell him I called, but I am shaking now and dont know if I did the right thing. I just dont want him to go in there and lie and then get his prescrition(vidodin) and all is just fine. I want his doctor to lay it on the line to him. Someone please tell me if Im crazy.

JennieB

Absolutely - I think you did the right thing! And absolutely not crazy!

wolflvr

THANKS JENNIE..I FEEL BETTER

Rose56

I not sure.... I have been tempted to contact hubby's doctor and let him know teh "real scoop". But I have to draw the line and let hubby be responsible for his own health. Besides I would be very angry if he did that to me. I found that it was my desire to be in control (because I thought if I was not the sky would fall) that motivated me. Good luck

JennieB

I think it is different when your/their life is on the line. If the doctor doesn't know, he can't help. But that is just me.

outsidetherain

Could this be considered a detachment issue?

Holding back from the need to rescue, save, or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional, or irrational.

I'm living and learning like the rest of us here....so don't be hard on yourself. Your not "crazy". He has serious health problems...at least you can take comfort in knowing you tried to help him. Hope your call makes a difference.

Take care....

Yreva

I have to agree with JennieB. Even if it is supposedly considered "co-dependant" or controlling I don't think I could let someone I love just drink themselves to DEATH. I know ultimately it is up to them to get help, but I certainly won't aid their efforts to die....hence --don't give them the car keys, don't lie for them, don't cover their problems or shortcomings for them, and I would definately keep their doctor in the know if I thought it could do some good. Wolflvr- you did right in my opinion.
Di

Karivan

Hi Wolflvr. I think you did the right thing. He has serious health problems and the doctor needs to know he isn't taking care of himself.

I was hoping the dr would say something to my husband. You know when you go to the dr and lie about how much you drink? My husband told the dr he drank about a 12 pack of beer a week, which is at least half of what he does drink. Anyway, he has high cholesterol and Lipitor can hurt your liver. My husband called the dr to ask if taking Lipitor would hurt his liver and the dr left a message on our answering machine that said, "Not as much as the 12 pack of beer you drink a week." I almost fell over laughing. My A didn't think it was very funny.

luvmyfurbabies

I also agree you did the right thing. If my A b/f would ever have issues like that I wouldn't have a second thought about it.

JennieB

KArivan - LOL

JT

I haven't crossed that line yet but that is not to say I wouldn't and here is my reasoning. If Ward abuses his health enough it could have a very serious affect on MY life. Do I want to be a caregiver to a man who needs it because he abused his body?

I get frustrated and confused about this issue because it is so close to home. Ward can do what ever he wants. I pretty much stay out of his way, but for me his health is a whole different playground. He has severe sleep apnea, his blood levels are off, he eats bad and never exercises. He also has high blood pressure and has now passed out 3 times (syncope) It took over a year for him to agree to a sleep study and now that he has to do the insurance dance to continue treatment he drags his feet.

I accept the drinking. I have a harder time with this.
JT

Lorelai

I don't know if this will help you but I set up boundaries with this like everything that makes me whacko.

I sat down, in advance, and decided what I was and was not willing to do regarding my H's health situation. That way, I'm not reacting in the heat of the moment. I have a plan and I'm sticking to it. For example, if I'm going to the pharmacy anyway, I'll ask if he needs a refill on his pills. Otherwise, it's his responsbility to pick them up. I made his initial doctor's appointment but future appointments are on him.

He knows he has high blood pressure and what he chooses to do about that is his choice. I refuse to cause myself more chaos by constantly trying to get him to do the right thing. I care about him but he's a grown man and I'm not a nurse.
L

Lorelai

BTW Karivan -
When the doctor asked how much he drank, my H told him that he drank a six pack a day. I guess my H thought that was a normal amount?????
The doctor said that was excessive.
Wonder what the doc would have said if he told him the truth???
L