walkinganewpath

Realized this past week at an Al-Anon that even though most of the steps only have one sentence there are multiple things to tackle in each one. For instance - Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol...Yep got that part. Even so far as not trying to control AH's drinking, not rescuing him from the results of it and having no expectations of him as it relates to his drinking. (Also good guidelines for coping with A's even if not in a 12 step - not intending bias just sharing what I'm doing )

I thought I had moved on from Step 1 but by sticking to my resolve about staying out of AH's drinking and acknowledging my powerlessness it got worse!!!

I had a two week time span of no therapy and no meetings (holiday, kids off school, kids 1/2 days, etc). And since holidays and time off there was more drinking.

Over the two weeks we got to ride through at least 4 of his blackouts and a bunch of grouchiness and yelling. I had to tell my 8 year old son about dad's drinking problems. My 11 year old daughter knows, when things have been a little 'off' at home I make sure I check on her status and I gave her an Alateen book (hasn't looked at it but that's all good - an available resources if wanted).

So...where's the point where I realize that my life has become unmanageable?? I kind of have been missing that point it appears.

Fast forward AH and I have an small argument. He ends it with "I wouldn't do something like that to you". I quietly said "You don't know what you do to me half of the time." So I then proceeded to explain that he has had an average of 2 blackouts a week - probably more. During those he does not remember what he says/does and that his behavior and character are unpredictable at best. I told him that I talked with both of the kids about him having a problem with drinking. That I could not let them think his behavior was their fault, etc.

SPEECHLESS...

Next morning he says to me that he finally realizes he's not that guy who can have one...it's never just one. Said he's still digesting that fact. Within the first week of his 28 day rehab stay in September he had told me he just needed some time and would be fine to drinking moderately again....uh yeah sure right...not!

Wow sorry that was so long. Went to therapy on Thursday and my home meeting on Friday. Wanted to go to one today but I have to bring my mom to an Xmas luncheon and I can't . It seems to help me a lot to write it out - and I prefer typing to longhand.

Thanks for 'listening' and hope you have a great day.

ardy

Hi walkinganewpath... wow babe we have all beeen there and are still doing it.. My Mom loved my Pop stayed with him thro it all.. the day he was dying he cried so hard.. I have messed up so much. she just kept patting him and saying I love you Larry .. we will do this the right way next time... 4 years past.. we have a pair of Twins Evan Lawrence and Warren Dale .. my nephews boys.. funny thing about Evan he can't do enough for my mom from crawling to today now he is 10.. Grandma Joyce.. he says there is something about the Joyce.. and those big brown eyes. . do you need some water let me help with that and on and on.. Mom and I have chatted about this.. in our hearts we believe that Pop is back .. Evan is how do you say.. totally white.. except for a part of his eyes.. has to be in during the day as the Sun burns him so badly.. he will sit and wait for hours near a window side to hear Moms car drive in... yep.. Dad and Uncle Earl acouple of drinking buddies that have come back to pay for their last turn around. to try and do it better... Their sister is Ruthie Ann.. that is another story.. love you hold tight and keep doing what you believe is right the Lord above will guide you path.. hugs ardy...

shil2587

Just to be clear, are you saying that this little boy is the reincarnation of your alcoholic dad back making amends? I would be very very cautious about voicing that to anyone as the boy should not have those expectations put on him to be a substitute husband (emotionally) to your mom or made to feel guilty about this past life...

If I have that wrong I apologise, but it stood out as a massive red flag to me.

walkinganewpath

Thank you Ardy for the the hugs and kind words.