Living on my own, dealing with stress and finances
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 93
Living on my own, dealing with stress and finances
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I am sitting at home waiting for my kids to come home and my brother and Mom to come over this evening for dinner. I have been in such a raunchy mood lately and I feel like I am constantly harping at my kids. I am so stressed financially. How do you guys deal? I moved out in July and while my budget works on paper (I even have $200 left over) but it has not worked at all up till now. I keep dipping in my savings. I don't eat out hardly at all, when I don't have my girls, I barely buy groceries and spend very little.
The last few months I have been paying off medical bills and the extra expenses of moving in and just like today, I had to buy all the spices and extras to make dinner since I basically left all the food/stock with my ex.
I'm not sure what I am looking for besides a little advice that maybe this will get better or that others are dealing and making ends meet on a tight budget. Looking at my income and expenses, there is no reason why my budget shouldn't work. I guess I just need to tighten my belt a little and tell the girls no more often to useless spending.
The last few months I have been paying off medical bills and the extra expenses of moving in and just like today, I had to buy all the spices and extras to make dinner since I basically left all the food/stock with my ex.
I'm not sure what I am looking for besides a little advice that maybe this will get better or that others are dealing and making ends meet on a tight budget. Looking at my income and expenses, there is no reason why my budget shouldn't work. I guess I just need to tighten my belt a little and tell the girls no more often to useless spending.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
The dollar store and thrift stores are awesome. 
Have you thought about opportunities for extra income? People are sometimes looking for others to do odd jobs or provide assistance. My daughter made $100 one day last summer driving a neighbor to run errands and take care of business items because his usual driver was unavailable. Housecleaning, snow shoveling, babysitting...just ideas I'm tossing out. I have a part-time job online that I do after my full-time job each day and on weekends. I couldn't make ends meet without it.
Financial challenges are so hard, I know. Resourcefulness goes a long way. Hang in there. I know how hard it is. And try to remember that your kids need a calm influence. I used to harp at mine when they were little and while I was struggling to survive each day caring for them as a single mom. I wish I would have paid less attention to my worries and more attention to them. I'm not saying you don't...don't misunderstand me. I just wish I would have let my worries go more often than I did.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and PEACE to you.
Have you thought about opportunities for extra income? People are sometimes looking for others to do odd jobs or provide assistance. My daughter made $100 one day last summer driving a neighbor to run errands and take care of business items because his usual driver was unavailable. Housecleaning, snow shoveling, babysitting...just ideas I'm tossing out. I have a part-time job online that I do after my full-time job each day and on weekends. I couldn't make ends meet without it.Financial challenges are so hard, I know. Resourcefulness goes a long way. Hang in there. I know how hard it is. And try to remember that your kids need a calm influence. I used to harp at mine when they were little and while I was struggling to survive each day caring for them as a single mom. I wish I would have paid less attention to my worries and more attention to them. I'm not saying you don't...don't misunderstand me. I just wish I would have let my worries go more often than I did.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and PEACE to you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hugs, it DOES get better. I remember being VERY strapped financially when I left my second husband (although it would have been worse if I'd stayed with him). Once you get your debt paid off, you will have a chance to start getting ahead again.
I second the idea of the dollar store, eliminating nonessential expenses where you can, shopping at thrift stores, etc. I hope your budget includes a little something for fun or a tiny indulgence here and there.
Hugs, this won't be your life forever.
I second the idea of the dollar store, eliminating nonessential expenses where you can, shopping at thrift stores, etc. I hope your budget includes a little something for fun or a tiny indulgence here and there.
Hugs, this won't be your life forever.
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
Once you get your medical bills paid off your money situation will improve.
There are a few things that I changed to lower my monthly bills that may help you save a little. These apply to US residents but you may be able to find deals wherever you are.
1. The biggest savings I found was in my insurance cost. I have 2 vehicles and homeowners ins as well and when I switched to Ameriprise (through Costco), I saved $2000 a year.
2. I switched my home phone phone from AT&T to a VOIP (Voice Over Internet Protocall) setup with MagicJack. I got 5 years of nationwide calling for less than $100!! AT&T was charging me about $40 plus fee's a month.
3. I switched my internet provider from AT&T to Comcast and bundled my TV, internet and phone (even though I don't use it...) and saved about $25 a month. So long AT&T!!
4. My power co (PG&E) offers discounts for medical issues and low income that I took advantage of. This saves me $$ depending on my use but averages about $30 -$50 a month.
5. I have reduced my water use dramatically (we are in a drought here in CA.) and lowered my bill.
6. Shopping at Costco for food can also help save $$$ by buying in bulk and freezing individual portions.
7. Of course, living clean and sober has saved me a HUGE amount of $$. By eliminating beer and pot from my life, I save about $8000 a year.
I hope you can use some of these suggestions to help save money.
Good Luck!
There are a few things that I changed to lower my monthly bills that may help you save a little. These apply to US residents but you may be able to find deals wherever you are.
1. The biggest savings I found was in my insurance cost. I have 2 vehicles and homeowners ins as well and when I switched to Ameriprise (through Costco), I saved $2000 a year.
2. I switched my home phone phone from AT&T to a VOIP (Voice Over Internet Protocall) setup with MagicJack. I got 5 years of nationwide calling for less than $100!! AT&T was charging me about $40 plus fee's a month.
3. I switched my internet provider from AT&T to Comcast and bundled my TV, internet and phone (even though I don't use it...) and saved about $25 a month. So long AT&T!!
4. My power co (PG&E) offers discounts for medical issues and low income that I took advantage of. This saves me $$ depending on my use but averages about $30 -$50 a month.
5. I have reduced my water use dramatically (we are in a drought here in CA.) and lowered my bill.
6. Shopping at Costco for food can also help save $$$ by buying in bulk and freezing individual portions.
7. Of course, living clean and sober has saved me a HUGE amount of $$. By eliminating beer and pot from my life, I save about $8000 a year.
I hope you can use some of these suggestions to help save money.
Good Luck!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
My experience is that when we follow God's instructions (the 12 Steps) and we are apending time with Him daily and helping others, our fear of economic insecurity will leave us.
We may not have enough, but we won't be afraid of not having enough.
When we do God's will, we get taken care of.
We may not have enough, but we won't be afraid of not having enough.
When we do God's will, we get taken care of.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
ASM I've been unemployed for over a year, and I've embraced a minimalist life-style through necessity, but find I am enjoying the challenge, and I've managed to cut huge chunks out of my budget. Just a few things I'm doing, as a guide but if you want more resources or details just PM me and I'll point you to some great sources of information:
1. Electricity and gas bills are at an all time low - turning everything I can off, hand washing dishes more, rugging up rather than turning on the heater, limiting shower times.
2. Making do rather than buying. For your meal, you might have planned sightly differently to have avoided buying the spices.
3. Making all my cleaning products. There are plenty of recipes online.
4. Growing more food and saving the seeds.
5. Bargaining on prices.
6. Plan meals and shop only for what you need.
7. I'm cleaning my hairdressers floors once a week in exchange for hair colour and cut.
8. Lots of public transport.
9. Staying out of shops.
Once you get the mindset right, and the kids are on board, you start thinking for yourself and coming up with your own ways to save. I never buy anything now without thinking whether I can make do or substitute, and most of the time i can.
1. Electricity and gas bills are at an all time low - turning everything I can off, hand washing dishes more, rugging up rather than turning on the heater, limiting shower times.
2. Making do rather than buying. For your meal, you might have planned sightly differently to have avoided buying the spices.
3. Making all my cleaning products. There are plenty of recipes online.
4. Growing more food and saving the seeds.
5. Bargaining on prices.
6. Plan meals and shop only for what you need.
7. I'm cleaning my hairdressers floors once a week in exchange for hair colour and cut.
8. Lots of public transport.
9. Staying out of shops.
Once you get the mindset right, and the kids are on board, you start thinking for yourself and coming up with your own ways to save. I never buy anything now without thinking whether I can make do or substitute, and most of the time i can.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Check out The Tightwad Gazette
Your library should have copies. So many good ideas for how to cut costs, cook on the cheap, etc.
Also, can you sell stuff on. Ebay or craigslist? Can you dogsit or offer house sitting services? With the holidays coming up you might find a few neighbors who need the cats fed, the mail picked up, and the house plants watered. Dog sitters can make $30 a day or more.
I have a friend who takes penny pinching to a whole new level. They only use one side of their napkins at dinner and then they turn them over and use the other side for the next meal. That's a bit much for me, but that combined with other tactics she claims it saves her hundreds over the year.
Your library should have copies. So many good ideas for how to cut costs, cook on the cheap, etc.
Also, can you sell stuff on. Ebay or craigslist? Can you dogsit or offer house sitting services? With the holidays coming up you might find a few neighbors who need the cats fed, the mail picked up, and the house plants watered. Dog sitters can make $30 a day or more.
I have a friend who takes penny pinching to a whole new level. They only use one side of their napkins at dinner and then they turn them over and use the other side for the next meal. That's a bit much for me, but that combined with other tactics she claims it saves her hundreds over the year.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
There's a point where frugality meets misery, which is where some people get hung up, I think. Drop one thing at a time. Ease into this budgeting thing. The biggest help for me is just staying out of the stores. I don't go unless I absolutely need something, and then I get that thing and leave. No leisurely browsing the aisles. I hang up our laundry to dry and only use the dryer for towels and my cleaning rags. Which leads to cutting out paper products. The only paper we use in our house is toilet paper. I use rags for everything else. I save a ton of money by not buying paper towels or napkins. I meal plan and shop sales. I will not shop our commissary on payday because they increase the prices from 3 days before to 3 days after military payday. We haven't had a landline phone in a decade, but we also don't have cable. We have Amazon fire tv or whatever it's called. I pay $19.99/month for our internet (I work from home, so cutting that out isn't an option, but I can also write it off as a business expense). You'll be surprised what you can do without. I didn't cook a meal for thanksgiving this year because we simply couldn't afford it. We went to our local Elks lodge, where they served probably 300 people an amazing dinner today. A $10 donation towards their costs is much more affordable than a $120 dinner at home. And the kids learned a lot about our community and civics by attending this event. So there are ways to make it work. You just have to buckle down and not spend if it's not budgeted for.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
When I left AXH, people told me "let me know if I can help with anything" -- and one of my friends is a financial advisor, one of those who tells people how to manage their fortunes... so I told him, "make me a budget." That turned out to be more helpful than I had imagined. The fact that you have a budget is great! I found that even if I didn't always stick to it, I knew exactly how much I had been deviating from it, and what I needed to do to get back on track.
I cut a lot of things. No landline, no cable, no extras. I made menu plans and stuck to them. I shopped three grocery stores to get the best prices. There were two things that made sticking to the budget difficult for me: One, that after having been married to an A who drank our grocery money, I panicked when my supplies were low. I tended to want to stock up survivalist style -- so that I always knew we could survive for 3 months on what was in the house. Two, that I wanted to "reward" me and the kids and that usually meant overspending.
As for the bills, especially medical bills, you don't have to pay them off -- as long as you are paying something on them, most places won't send you to collections. I paid $5/month for a medical bill for a year until I could increase my payments.
It does get better. And if you don't feel like it does, take a really hard look at what you think you need that you might not. The only "luxury" I had was internet access.
I cut a lot of things. No landline, no cable, no extras. I made menu plans and stuck to them. I shopped three grocery stores to get the best prices. There were two things that made sticking to the budget difficult for me: One, that after having been married to an A who drank our grocery money, I panicked when my supplies were low. I tended to want to stock up survivalist style -- so that I always knew we could survive for 3 months on what was in the house. Two, that I wanted to "reward" me and the kids and that usually meant overspending.
As for the bills, especially medical bills, you don't have to pay them off -- as long as you are paying something on them, most places won't send you to collections. I paid $5/month for a medical bill for a year until I could increase my payments.
It does get better. And if you don't feel like it does, take a really hard look at what you think you need that you might not. The only "luxury" I had was internet access.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Hi. Yes I've been there - or maybe live there, lol.
I had a lot of anxiety because part of the huge issue in my marriage was the money. It was so out of control with my ex. It was a constant game of chasing my tail and trying to stay afloat. That part wore off, it just took time.
Since you already have a budget on paper that works you might find it really helpful to track your spending for a couple of months. Every dime. Buy a candy bar - track it. If you have a smart phone there are apps that make it real easy but you can also just write things down.
You also might be eligible for some kind of help with child care,WIC, or medical care. Something to check into.
I had a lot of anxiety because part of the huge issue in my marriage was the money. It was so out of control with my ex. It was a constant game of chasing my tail and trying to stay afloat. That part wore off, it just took time.
Since you already have a budget on paper that works you might find it really helpful to track your spending for a couple of months. Every dime. Buy a candy bar - track it. If you have a smart phone there are apps that make it real easy but you can also just write things down.
You also might be eligible for some kind of help with child care,WIC, or medical care. Something to check into.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 93
Thank you guys for all the kind words and advice. I thought about getting a second job but when I don't have my girls, not having a second job allows me to put more hours in at my current job, I don't get paid more because I am salary but it keeps me sane and caught up.
As far as household bills, I do have satellite and internet (more for the girls) and I went as bare bones as I thought I could and probably should have just cut that out but I think I will call them today to see if there is a cheaper plan or if I am locked into a contract.
as I said, I do have a budget and it works on paper but its really hard to know how its working now because of Christmas spending.
I know that there is no way that I am eligible for any kind of help for child care ect. I make decent money which is why I am frustrated. I should be able to stick with this budget and make ends meet! I am not one that tends to overspend but the first few months here have been difficult because 1, my summer day camp cost alone was more than I received in child support so I was dipping in my savings, 2, the extra security deposits for the utilities 3, the medical bills (which are paid off now) 4, I am responsible for buying clothes for both houses and that has been an expense for sure.
HealingWillCome - what type of online job do you have?
I think I am going to try to sell the clothes that my girls won't and can't wear on an online yardsale site.
As far as household bills, I do have satellite and internet (more for the girls) and I went as bare bones as I thought I could and probably should have just cut that out but I think I will call them today to see if there is a cheaper plan or if I am locked into a contract.
as I said, I do have a budget and it works on paper but its really hard to know how its working now because of Christmas spending.
I know that there is no way that I am eligible for any kind of help for child care ect. I make decent money which is why I am frustrated. I should be able to stick with this budget and make ends meet! I am not one that tends to overspend but the first few months here have been difficult because 1, my summer day camp cost alone was more than I received in child support so I was dipping in my savings, 2, the extra security deposits for the utilities 3, the medical bills (which are paid off now) 4, I am responsible for buying clothes for both houses and that has been an expense for sure.
HealingWillCome - what type of online job do you have?
I think I am going to try to sell the clothes that my girls won't and can't wear on an online yardsale site.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 93
A few years back I took a 'financial peace' class which was a Dave Ramsey course. He recommended doing a budget and using the envelope system for the items on your budget that were fluctuating like groceries, blow money, clothes, ect. I decided to go back to this at least for the next few months. That way, if there is extra money in those envelopes, it will add up, if not, it will be gone and there will be no more till next pay day. This will be extremely good for showing the girls, hey, we have $35 in the blow fund. We can spend $30 at the movie theater or spend very little to rent a movie from Red Box.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by asm505 
This will be extremely good for showing the girls, hey, we have $35 in the blow fund. We can spend $30 at the movie theater or spend very little to rent a movie from Red Box.
I thought, hm, well, at least they're BUDGETING for it....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
What worked for me the most was not having a checking account or a swipe debit/check card. I got my checks direct deposited in a savings account and got an ATM only card. When my check goes in, I take cash out to pay all my bills first either by money order or getting a pre paid visa and calling it in or taking the cash if its a local bill. I only use what I have available and when its gone its gone. I don't have over draft fees anymore. I don't spend as much since I have to get cash out and its not as easy as swiping a card and going over the limit. It may sound like too much work but it saved me from overdraft fees which were eating me alive. I feel in control of my money more now. Hope this helps and good luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by LexieCat
LOL, I did a double-take there, for a second, "blow" being slang for cocaine.
I thought, hm, well, at least they're BUDGETING for it....
I thought, hm, well, at least they're BUDGETING for it....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Recently we have been tightening down after firing our booth renter who was paying half the bills at the business. We have managed to cut 1k a month pretty simply.
1) I contacted Verizon to kick them to the curb and our $200 a month bill. They have a new plan and we reduced our combined bill to $110 and kept unlimited minutes.
2) switched from Comcast and our $220 bill to the Dish. Bill now $90 for same services at least for 12 months.
3) The biggest cost savings was food. We did not eat out very much to begin with, but I used to shop daily for our meals which always included picking up this and that. I also shopped at the closest grocery which is quite expensive. I switched to another store and started online coupons via their website so I don't have to physically cut and bring them. I plan our meals weekly based on whats on sale, and shop once a week. We also now eat leftovers (we didn't before) and freeze them too. That has cut $600 a month.
4) We have stopped buying in bulk at Sams. I think there are some deals to be had there but for those items like toilet paper and the like I am getting better prices in the grocery with coupons. I probably need to buy bulk meats there. DH is the worst though about grabbing things while at Sams and its always $200 - $300 at check out so we steer clear.
5) I tried to shop insurance for lower cost but hit a wall - couldn't lower my cost.
6) I have also switched to cash for most purchases except grocery. I take $100 a week for odds and ends and leave the credit cards and debit cards in wallet to collect dust.
I can spend money like water. This is the first time in my life I have ever been disciplined not to spend, and we are very happy with the results. It can be done for sure.
1) I contacted Verizon to kick them to the curb and our $200 a month bill. They have a new plan and we reduced our combined bill to $110 and kept unlimited minutes.
2) switched from Comcast and our $220 bill to the Dish. Bill now $90 for same services at least for 12 months.
3) The biggest cost savings was food. We did not eat out very much to begin with, but I used to shop daily for our meals which always included picking up this and that. I also shopped at the closest grocery which is quite expensive. I switched to another store and started online coupons via their website so I don't have to physically cut and bring them. I plan our meals weekly based on whats on sale, and shop once a week. We also now eat leftovers (we didn't before) and freeze them too. That has cut $600 a month.
4) We have stopped buying in bulk at Sams. I think there are some deals to be had there but for those items like toilet paper and the like I am getting better prices in the grocery with coupons. I probably need to buy bulk meats there. DH is the worst though about grabbing things while at Sams and its always $200 - $300 at check out so we steer clear.
5) I tried to shop insurance for lower cost but hit a wall - couldn't lower my cost.
6) I have also switched to cash for most purchases except grocery. I take $100 a week for odds and ends and leave the credit cards and debit cards in wallet to collect dust.
I can spend money like water. This is the first time in my life I have ever been disciplined not to spend, and we are very happy with the results. It can be done for sure.
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