Progress? no progress?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Mich
Posts: 212
Progress? no progress?
I feel like I take 1 step forward and 2 steps backward sometimes!
My AH and I have been having issues for awhile. In October, he admitted he knows he needs to stop drinking...I knew then that it would be short lived if he didn't get the appropriate help and support. It lasted all of 10 days. He then drank off and on. Now it's back to daily.
I've been really focusing on myself and my son, because I know that until he's ready to stop, he won't stop. So we've gone about our business and do what we normally do. I have set some very clear boundaries with him. Do NOT call me if you get arrested or expect me to do anything to help you out. Also, do NOT expect me to drive you anywhere when you are using, do not expect me to do anything with you when you have been drinking. I have done a very good job of keeping to my boundaries (although he's not been arrested so that boundary has not been tested and I hope it isn't.). He's starting to see and feel our absence for a lack of another word. Over the weekend, he sent me a text (and I was sitting 10 feet from him!) telling me that I look amazing (he made some hurtful comments this summer about my weight which has prompted me to drop weight, although, for me, NOT for him...I never imagined he'd be so shallow. I have lost about 33 pounds so far). and he wishes he could reciprocate. When I asked what that meant, he said I have been working very hard and he hasn't been doing his part. I didn't respond. So those are all steps forward.
Today, I took backward steps. I had called him about a very minor, non-emergency car issue. All of a sudden he's at my work to take the car to get looked at. I asked him if he planned to go back to work. No response. I asked NOT to cause him issues, but because I need to go tonight to run an errand in the dark to a place I'd rather not go alone at night to and thought if he was home, maybe he'd do it during the day for me instead. He would not answer...so what did I do? I went OFF on him,,,via text. I was SO mad that he wouldn't simply say, yes, I'm home or no, I went back to work. I suspect he's home and he's drinking and I also suspect my text will be his excuse....dumb, dumb dumb!! Not going to beat myself up over it, just venting a little. he's a grown man and my husband, I should be able to ask him anything about anything and vice versa. The difference is, he thinks by me asking him those types of questions, I'm trying to "control" him and that he has to answer to me...UGH!
Okay, done venting....I'm sure I'll be back with more because I'm working to make a very difficult decision soon....I may ask him to leave until he's sober. Not rushing myself into that until I am sure...but I'm closer and closer each week.
My AH and I have been having issues for awhile. In October, he admitted he knows he needs to stop drinking...I knew then that it would be short lived if he didn't get the appropriate help and support. It lasted all of 10 days. He then drank off and on. Now it's back to daily.
I've been really focusing on myself and my son, because I know that until he's ready to stop, he won't stop. So we've gone about our business and do what we normally do. I have set some very clear boundaries with him. Do NOT call me if you get arrested or expect me to do anything to help you out. Also, do NOT expect me to drive you anywhere when you are using, do not expect me to do anything with you when you have been drinking. I have done a very good job of keeping to my boundaries (although he's not been arrested so that boundary has not been tested and I hope it isn't.). He's starting to see and feel our absence for a lack of another word. Over the weekend, he sent me a text (and I was sitting 10 feet from him!) telling me that I look amazing (he made some hurtful comments this summer about my weight which has prompted me to drop weight, although, for me, NOT for him...I never imagined he'd be so shallow. I have lost about 33 pounds so far). and he wishes he could reciprocate. When I asked what that meant, he said I have been working very hard and he hasn't been doing his part. I didn't respond. So those are all steps forward.
Today, I took backward steps. I had called him about a very minor, non-emergency car issue. All of a sudden he's at my work to take the car to get looked at. I asked him if he planned to go back to work. No response. I asked NOT to cause him issues, but because I need to go tonight to run an errand in the dark to a place I'd rather not go alone at night to and thought if he was home, maybe he'd do it during the day for me instead. He would not answer...so what did I do? I went OFF on him,,,via text. I was SO mad that he wouldn't simply say, yes, I'm home or no, I went back to work. I suspect he's home and he's drinking and I also suspect my text will be his excuse....dumb, dumb dumb!! Not going to beat myself up over it, just venting a little. he's a grown man and my husband, I should be able to ask him anything about anything and vice versa. The difference is, he thinks by me asking him those types of questions, I'm trying to "control" him and that he has to answer to me...UGH!
Okay, done venting....I'm sure I'll be back with more because I'm working to make a very difficult decision soon....I may ask him to leave until he's sober. Not rushing myself into that until I am sure...but I'm closer and closer each week.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
