scout360

My 25 year old son got a DUI two weeks ago. It was only a matter of time. By his own admission, after the arrest, he has been walking a fine line since he graduated college. His first call after he got out of jail was to a friends' Father who is in AA. My son is taking full responsibility for what happened that night as well as all of his legal bills. He's been going to meetings and already has a sponsor. I've been in Al Anon for the past two years because my brother is an addict. I really feel that all these meetings that I've been attending has helped me prepare for my son's current situation. He's so young. He obviously thinks he's an alcoholic. The thing is that in my twenties, I was still partying etc and then I stopped. Is it too early to "label"
him as an alcoholic? In spite of all my meetings....this is still very challenging and painful.

suki44883

I don't think labels are necessary. He obviously has a problem with alcohol at this time. He may or may not "grow out of it." What is important is that he is taking responsibility and treating this as the big deal that it is.

One DUI won't ruin his life, but multiple ones might. I hope he continues to take this seriously and does whatever he needs to do to see that it doesn't happen again. Good on you for using your al-anon experience. I know it is scary, but it is his issue to deal with. Just be supportive without getting involved in his recovery.

LexieCat

He might know himself a lot better than you do. My first husband was a full-blown certifiably insane alcoholic at age 18 (and probably had been for a while before that--that's what he was when I met him).

He got sober at age 21 and has been sober continuously for the past 35 years (almost 36).

What makes an alcoholic an alcoholic is how they FEEL about the alcohol. They have a mental obsession to drink when they are not drinking, and when they start, they find it difficult or impossible to stop. It's progressive, and everyone starts somewhere. My own alcoholism didn't manifest until I was in my 40s (though there had been red flags earlier).

I wouldn't debate it with him if I were you--I'd pat him on the back and tell him you are proud that he is dealing with this at such a young age. He may have added decades to his life, and guaranteed himself they will be happier ones than if he continued drinking.

Rina

As Suki said- try not to think about the label of alcoholic but about the fact that he has shown a pattern of alcohol abuse. If someone thinks they have a problem then they usually do. Normal drinkers don't think that way. I knew I had an alcohol problem in my mid 20's but I was in denial that I needed help. Now in my 30's- I wish I had addressed it back then. The most important thing is he is taking responsibility for his actions one day at a time.

atalose

Look at it this way. Wouldn't you rather him go through life sober believing he's an alcoholic Than go through life drunk trying to convince himself that's he's not.

MissFixit

I went out A LOT in my late teens/early twenties. By the time I hit my mid twenties, I had enough and stopped over indulging. It wasn't fun anymore. I am not an alcoholic, and I do think some people grow up and out of that party mindset.

CodeJob

Being exposed to 12 steps and recovery at 25 won't hurt your son. DUI - good sign he's willing to risk his life and selfishly the lives of every other person he encounters.

Step back and continue to let this man find his way. As hard as it may feel as a father I think you are on the right path...

Cyranoak

It's not about labeling. It's about being honest about what you already know, and you already know he's an alcoholic-- so does he. Let go of the idea of labeling, embrace what you are learning in Alanon, and let your son be responsible for your son, and you be responsible for you-- he's an adult now and it sounds like he's acting like one.

And, if it feels better for you, please consider that he is suffering the consequences of his inability to control his drinking, label or not.


Good luck to you both.

Cyranoak

LexieCat

Incidentally, my first husband has helped a couple of friends of my son's. One kid in particular (I say "kid" but he's in his late 20s--alcohol stunts maturity) has been in all kinds of alcohol-related jams. I think it's awesome that your son reached out to his friend's dad, and that he is helping your son.

Your son will figure out soon enough whether he can relate to what he hears from other alcoholics in the rooms. And the other thing is, even if he decides he isn't an alcoholic, a good experience with AA will make him much more likely to reach out for help again if he needs it, or to help a friend who needs it.

Frankly, I don't see ANY possible downside.

scout360

Thank you for all the helpful comments and support!