A Quick Education, Please
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
For me, I know that when my XAH was discovered mid-relapse, he did the apology kabuki dance really well. But the pattern that developed over time was that his apologies and scrambling to appear that he was taking his addiction management seriously didn't cover up the fact that he wouldn't work a program, get a neutral sponsor, get to his appointments, and dive into recovery like his life depended on it.
What I found when I stopped paying so close attention is that the pattern continued whether I was there or not. My ex can get sober for awhile and does fine. Then he relapses, moves mountains to cover up the relapses, and repents wholeheartedly when he is discovered. Then he'll be sober for awhile, until he's not.
Today he's in a sober patch. Good for him. But as far as I know, nothing else has changed. The pattern continues unabated.
Urgent Care is not a good resource for a variety of reasons. He knows it, and so do you. Big red flag.
What I found when I stopped paying so close attention is that the pattern continued whether I was there or not. My ex can get sober for awhile and does fine. Then he relapses, moves mountains to cover up the relapses, and repents wholeheartedly when he is discovered. Then he'll be sober for awhile, until he's not.
Today he's in a sober patch. Good for him. But as far as I know, nothing else has changed. The pattern continues unabated.
Urgent Care is not a good resource for a variety of reasons. He knows it, and so do you. Big red flag.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Red flag for him or me? I'm feeling pretty excited about my progress and he drank yesterday which is the red flag equivalent of tackling your own quarterback. He's beyond "flags" or signs of trouble. He's already in the thick of it.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Hi Stung,
I am a little worried for you and your girls.
This is probably nothing, but when my ex was prescribed that stuff, it started off no big deal. It really isn't if you take it as prescribed. However, he began mixing it with alcohol and that is when the psychotic behavior really started (I didn't realize it at the time). Hallucinations and delusions that I believed to be true. Fantastical lies. Actively covering for himself by throwing me and anyone nearby under the bus. I honestly didn't get it then, but do now. It was surreal. There was bizarre physical violence too. Not hitting me, but he started shooting guns off inside the house. He was sleeping with loaded guns and would grab them whenever he heard ANY noise outside. It was like being in a Lethal Weapon movie. He was out of his mind and I really did not understand the danger involved in engaging him. I was very stupid to interact with that.
I know you are doing a great job taking care of yourself. When you interact with him, please take everything he says with a grain of salt. If you suspect ANYTHING is off with him, get you and the girls the hell away from him.
I am a little worried for you and your girls.
This is probably nothing, but when my ex was prescribed that stuff, it started off no big deal. It really isn't if you take it as prescribed. However, he began mixing it with alcohol and that is when the psychotic behavior really started (I didn't realize it at the time). Hallucinations and delusions that I believed to be true. Fantastical lies. Actively covering for himself by throwing me and anyone nearby under the bus. I honestly didn't get it then, but do now. It was surreal. There was bizarre physical violence too. Not hitting me, but he started shooting guns off inside the house. He was sleeping with loaded guns and would grab them whenever he heard ANY noise outside. It was like being in a Lethal Weapon movie. He was out of his mind and I really did not understand the danger involved in engaging him. I was very stupid to interact with that.
I know you are doing a great job taking care of yourself. When you interact with him, please take everything he says with a grain of salt. If you suspect ANYTHING is off with him, get you and the girls the hell away from him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I don't feel that there is anything to be worried about. He was prescribed 4 ativan pills. He's too afraid to even risk taking them and he's started taking campral this morning which basically just takes the edge off of withdrawal symptoms and slightly reduces sweating, anxiety and sleep disturbances.
Meanwhile, back on the ranch…DD3 this morning told me that Daddy is sad and his heart is broken and she misses Daddy's happy heart (I told her that I miss Daddy's happy heart too and that he's trying to make his heart happy again), then then this evening before bed she told me that I'm happy and she likes it.
Which made my happy heart even happier, and a tiny bit sad because I wish that I would have had been a better mother/person for longer than this short span of time. But oh well, she's still young and I'm doing great things right now to set a healthy model at home for both of my daughters. Can't change the past.
On the latest with the "Idiot Drunk Show" or as I prefer to call him, my struggling husband, he's back into out-patient rehab (he stopped going when he relapsed last week) and finally seeing the therapist that is included with his rehab and will be moving into an executive married male only sober living environment for at least the next 30 days. Which is only slightly less expensive than him renting his own furnished apartment near us. He seems really hopeful about these happenings. Good for him.
I feel happy for myself. I know that probably sounds really odd, but again, I'm also considering my audience and why that might sound so odd. His stuff does make me sad but it didn't impact my day today, it's not bringing me down, I'm not panicking or worried for him. I haven't screwed up here, so while I feel sad for him (and I'm not sure really why I feel sad for him because I'm still fuzzy on the interworkings of what alcoholism really is, a big part of me just thinks that he needs to learn how to self-soothe but upon doing some research lately, that's a wide spread misconception about the brain disease that is alcoholism, that he just needs more will power or something. I really just need to view him as a mentally ill person and stop seeing that as a negative thing. It's only negative if it's not treated. He is getting lots of treatment but I don't know why it's not 100% for him and it's not my job to understand it either. Recovery programs work 40% to 60% of the time which means they don't work 40% to 60% too.) I'm only marginally effected by his relapse because I wasn't set in my ways of having him around anyway. I'm self reliant and I'm doing a great job of taking care of me and mine. So I'm giving me a good ol' pat on the back. I'm doing good things over here.
Meanwhile, back on the ranch…DD3 this morning told me that Daddy is sad and his heart is broken and she misses Daddy's happy heart (I told her that I miss Daddy's happy heart too and that he's trying to make his heart happy again), then then this evening before bed she told me that I'm happy and she likes it.
Which made my happy heart even happier, and a tiny bit sad because I wish that I would have had been a better mother/person for longer than this short span of time. But oh well, she's still young and I'm doing great things right now to set a healthy model at home for both of my daughters. Can't change the past. On the latest with the "Idiot Drunk Show" or as I prefer to call him, my struggling husband, he's back into out-patient rehab (he stopped going when he relapsed last week) and finally seeing the therapist that is included with his rehab and will be moving into an executive married male only sober living environment for at least the next 30 days. Which is only slightly less expensive than him renting his own furnished apartment near us. He seems really hopeful about these happenings. Good for him.
I feel happy for myself. I know that probably sounds really odd, but again, I'm also considering my audience and why that might sound so odd. His stuff does make me sad but it didn't impact my day today, it's not bringing me down, I'm not panicking or worried for him. I haven't screwed up here, so while I feel sad for him (and I'm not sure really why I feel sad for him because I'm still fuzzy on the interworkings of what alcoholism really is, a big part of me just thinks that he needs to learn how to self-soothe but upon doing some research lately, that's a wide spread misconception about the brain disease that is alcoholism, that he just needs more will power or something. I really just need to view him as a mentally ill person and stop seeing that as a negative thing. It's only negative if it's not treated. He is getting lots of treatment but I don't know why it's not 100% for him and it's not my job to understand it either. Recovery programs work 40% to 60% of the time which means they don't work 40% to 60% too.) I'm only marginally effected by his relapse because I wasn't set in my ways of having him around anyway. I'm self reliant and I'm doing a great job of taking care of me and mine. So I'm giving me a good ol' pat on the back. I'm doing good things over here.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Olney, MD
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Well on the medical side of it, Ativan is used for withdrawal symptoms. Not to make them go completely away, just to mitigate them enough so that the alcoholic does not go into full blown DT's that can lead to lethal seizures. Ideally, you only administer the medication if the person is having active symptoms (sweats, shakes, nausea/vomiting, severe anxiety, light/sound sensitivity) or have a pules of greater than 110 or a systolic blood pressure (top number) of over 150 or a diastolic blood pressure (bottom number) of over 100.
Campral is an anti craving med but they cant be actively drinking and take it. It wont work. My RAH started it during his 3rd week of rehab. He started Revia as well which is another craving drug. They have worked very well for him. He was taking Xanax before going into treatment for "panic attacks" in the morning that were actually just alcohol withdrawal symptoms. He is off of that now and only takes Effexor XR for depression and anxiety.
I myself take Klonopin which is in the same family as Ativan. I do not find it addictive. I have been on it for about a year on and off and have always taken it as prescribed and not increased the dose. It helps the insane crazy dissociative anxiety I have near constantly.
Campral is an anti craving med but they cant be actively drinking and take it. It wont work. My RAH started it during his 3rd week of rehab. He started Revia as well which is another craving drug. They have worked very well for him. He was taking Xanax before going into treatment for "panic attacks" in the morning that were actually just alcohol withdrawal symptoms. He is off of that now and only takes Effexor XR for depression and anxiety.
I myself take Klonopin which is in the same family as Ativan. I do not find it addictive. I have been on it for about a year on and off and have always taken it as prescribed and not increased the dose. It helps the insane crazy dissociative anxiety I have near constantly.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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Hey peeps, please be careful _not_ to give medical advice. SoberRecovery is not licensed for that. Please give a _link_ to where you found the information, else you might get us in trouble.
thanks
Mike
Moderator, SR
thanks
Mike
Moderator, SR
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
You can look up any drug on the NIH website.
National Library of Medicine - National Institutes of Health
National Library of Medicine - National Institutes of Health
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
You sound like you are doing everything you need to do for yourself so I don't really have anything in the way of advice to offer. The conversation you shared with your daughter was so touching and honest from a child's eyes.
I know what benzo's can do and how addictive they are and even after I had done tons of detaching I'd be afraid and worried when he'd mention them, especially when he was kind of just wandering in and out of ER's with no solid plan. I had to work again at taking another giant step back and let him figure it out. He needs meds.
FWIW he had been an alcoholic for 30 years. The anxiety was not diagnosed but I'm sure it was there. He has an extremely strong family history of both GAD and alcoholism. Him and I are done and over but he did eventually find real recovery. He is sober, working full time, and managing both his alcoholism and anxiety today. I think he works hard at it but he's doing it.
Continue to detach and do the next right thing like you are doing. If you continue to do that I'm a firm believer that everyone will end up where they really need to be.
I know what benzo's can do and how addictive they are and even after I had done tons of detaching I'd be afraid and worried when he'd mention them, especially when he was kind of just wandering in and out of ER's with no solid plan. I had to work again at taking another giant step back and let him figure it out. He needs meds.
FWIW he had been an alcoholic for 30 years. The anxiety was not diagnosed but I'm sure it was there. He has an extremely strong family history of both GAD and alcoholism. Him and I are done and over but he did eventually find real recovery. He is sober, working full time, and managing both his alcoholism and anxiety today. I think he works hard at it but he's doing it.
Continue to detach and do the next right thing like you are doing. If you continue to do that I'm a firm believer that everyone will end up where they really need to be.
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