Codependency
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Codependency
I've been in recovery for a little over 7 months and I'm married to a person who I have come to realize is an alcoholic.
I've just recently come to realize that I'm powerless over not just the alcohol that I drink but also the alcohol my husband drinks. What a relief it is to not feel responsible for his drinking, or for anything he chooses to do. What a simple but powerful concept to only be responsible for my side of the street.
He's "moderated" his drinking since I quit, to mostly only on the weekends. The weekends are difficult for me. The closest I've come to drinking during my recovery is when I'm with him when he'd drinking.
He doesn't want to stop drinking. I've tried to "compromise" with him by spending part of the day doing sober activities that I enjoy, then he spends part of the day drinking. He gets to do neat sober activities alongside me, then I end up getting stuck watching him drink. I end up feeling lonely, frustrated and sad when he drinks.
I don't like that my AH and I are moving apart, but realizing that I am powerless over alcohol, and can only keep my side of the street clean, is helping me do the next right things during this difficult time - and the next right thing seems to be: to work my recovery differently on the weekends.
Thanks for everything that you share. The strength, hope and experience on the Friends and Family section is priceless.
I've just recently come to realize that I'm powerless over not just the alcohol that I drink but also the alcohol my husband drinks. What a relief it is to not feel responsible for his drinking, or for anything he chooses to do. What a simple but powerful concept to only be responsible for my side of the street.
He's "moderated" his drinking since I quit, to mostly only on the weekends. The weekends are difficult for me. The closest I've come to drinking during my recovery is when I'm with him when he'd drinking.
He doesn't want to stop drinking. I've tried to "compromise" with him by spending part of the day doing sober activities that I enjoy, then he spends part of the day drinking. He gets to do neat sober activities alongside me, then I end up getting stuck watching him drink. I end up feeling lonely, frustrated and sad when he drinks.
I don't like that my AH and I are moving apart, but realizing that I am powerless over alcohol, and can only keep my side of the street clean, is helping me do the next right things during this difficult time - and the next right thing seems to be: to work my recovery differently on the weekends.
Thanks for everything that you share. The strength, hope and experience on the Friends and Family section is priceless.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
gleefan,
I don't like that my AH and I are moving apart, but realizing that I am powerless over alcohol
I hate to say, but this comment is very powerful..... You are moving apart, Why? Because you are getting "healthy" and he's not. We are all powerless over alcohol and our alcoholic. Very strong words.....
First off good for you for getting sober. Keep working a program, besides not drinking. What a wonderful feeling waking up not hung over. You can see that you are working the program because you are quoting sayings that you have learned in the program. Share what you know and get healthy.
You are going to have to give your AH over to your higher power. You should already know that, but he is the only one that can help him. No one could get you sober, you were ready, he's not there yet. So you should continue to WORK your program, and by you changing he will see what you are doing and might like what he sees, or might not.
My stbxah told me that attending alanon was the nail in the coffin for our divorce. See he didn't like me "quoting" what I had learned. He didn't like me changing. He did not like me being empowered to say this was wrong. So after 34 years together, we are divorcing on October 29. It will be a very sad day, but I feel that it was time and I was mentally and physically ready.
I wish you luck and continue on.... Keep taking care of yourself and try and let him do what God wants him to do. He has a plan for all of us, he just wont tell us what it is.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
I don't like that my AH and I are moving apart, but realizing that I am powerless over alcohol
I hate to say, but this comment is very powerful..... You are moving apart, Why? Because you are getting "healthy" and he's not. We are all powerless over alcohol and our alcoholic. Very strong words.....
First off good for you for getting sober. Keep working a program, besides not drinking. What a wonderful feeling waking up not hung over. You can see that you are working the program because you are quoting sayings that you have learned in the program. Share what you know and get healthy.
You are going to have to give your AH over to your higher power. You should already know that, but he is the only one that can help him. No one could get you sober, you were ready, he's not there yet. So you should continue to WORK your program, and by you changing he will see what you are doing and might like what he sees, or might not.
My stbxah told me that attending alanon was the nail in the coffin for our divorce. See he didn't like me "quoting" what I had learned. He didn't like me changing. He did not like me being empowered to say this was wrong. So after 34 years together, we are divorcing on October 29. It will be a very sad day, but I feel that it was time and I was mentally and physically ready.
I wish you luck and continue on.... Keep taking care of yourself and try and let him do what God wants him to do. He has a plan for all of us, he just wont tell us what it is.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
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