Kboys

AH gone since Monday. I have only broken down and cried once since then, and I packed up some more of his things last night, and it really didn't even make me sad... My therapist said AH has "cauterized the wound" for me, by "burning" me so many times. And it's true... I have cried sooo many tears and been through so much the last two years, and I know I am much more ready now than I ever have been, but it is still so hard.

This morning I was feeling strong and good. But now I am feeling that gut-wrenching, stomach-turning pain again. He hasn't tried to contact me since yesterday morning, and I hate that I feel this way, but I know that just seeing his number come up on my caller ID would take that pain away.. for a while.

I still have so far to go, and I am so thankful that I have found this forum and am utilizing it. I actually joined last year, but never followed until last week, and I so wish I had becuase I think I would have gotten to the point I am at now a lot more quickly. I am so grateful for all the encouraging, wise, and insightful feedback.

Thanks!!!!!

maia1234

stay Strong!! Love from a distance!!
Keep reading and realize that you are not alone. We have all been there.

Dojang

You will alternate between feeling strong & feeling like the wind has been knocked out of you. For me, the sadness & pain seem to come without warning & knock the breath out of me. I didn't cry for the first 5 days, and then I completely broke down. I had been trying to hold the tears in, but that didn't work. You have to let them out. I felt so much better after I finally cried & was able to sleep that night for the 1st time since he left. It's been just over 3 weeks for me. Reaching out to others & counseling have really helped. As hard & painful as this has been, I don't miss the drama & chaos that come with the alcoholic. It's a process, and I get a little stronger each day. If you aren't going to Alanon, you should try some meetings so you can find support & tools to help you through this. It's hard, but I know I absolutely did the right thing.

dandylion

Kboys.....remember: It is short-term pain for long-term gain.
And....that it will eventually pass...

Living with an active alcoholic is ongoing pain that only gets worse over time.

dandylion

Missus

Years ago, when I quit smoking, I felt dreadful... I knew that just one smoke would make me feel better. But if I had that one smoke, I would have to start giving up all over again, and I didn't want to have to go through it all more than once. Perhaps you are giving up an addiction, and remind yourself that it *will* get better. In a way he's doing you a favour.

Stay strong.

Slothy

we are all pulling for you! and we feel your pain! for now one day at a time...whatever it takes!! lots of hugs

Kboys

He just called me sounding perfectly sober, asking me to meet him at lunch so he can get some of his stuff. No "I miss you" or "I want to come home," like before. He actually sounded good, and in a good mood. And I know it's for the best, and that he's doing me a favor, but my heart is breaking...