Littlestar

So I decided to go along with him and his friends the other night. The whole crew was there. I made an effort to get closer to the female in their little gang. We've never really cared for each other, but I thought maybe we could change that. I actually had a pretty nice evening. I spent most of the night talking to her, but left the bar early to come home.

Yesterday, this woman called me and said that after I left the other night, she had a long talk with my boyfriend. He told her everything negative that I have ever said about her........EVERYTHING! She was terribly hurt about the things that I had said. I apologized. I feel bad that I said them, but I feel worse that he felt the need to tell her. I feel VERY VERY betrayed. How can I ever trust him or confide in him again. He doesn't know that she called me. He won't unless she tells him.

Can anyone on here PLEASE tell me WHY he did that?
How can I ever trust him again?

paula a.

Littlestar~You can't trust a drunk. My AH gets told absolutely nothing from me anymore that could be used intentionally or not to hurt someone. It's very sad, but once he starts drinking he can work the most innocent things into a conversation and turn them ugly.
I know how much the betrayal hurts and all I can do is offer you a (((((Littlestar)))))).
Paula

Magichappens

CONTROL. If you have support from people outside of a dysfunctional relationship, you may get better. There is going to be rebellion from the other people in dysfunctional relationships to any pull away in a healthy direction. It's not personally aimed at you, though it still hurts. You have a choice to continue reaching out and trying new healthier things and dealing with the reaction, or staying in the stew to keep the peace. That is why I insist on going to Al-Anon. Those are my support, and my H has no influence over them. At first he reacted negatively to my seeking support for myself. Now he knows that I am going no matter what, and he has adjusted. And I don't talk about my group to him. He has nothing to tell them, even if he wanted to. The things I say in meetings is confidential. The things I talk to my sponsor about are confidential. It is a safe place to work through these things. There are a lot of people in this world that I can't trust, but I have found some that I would trust with my life, my secrets, my recovery. If my husband was capable of helping me in those areas, it would have happened long ago. I need Al-Anon. Hugs, Magic

splendra

I don't really know why he did that. Why can't you tell him you know about this? Why can't you ask him why?
I know the betrayal hurts. Maybe this incident is a good indication of some subtle yet potient realities going on in your relationship.