OnawaMiniya

Hi, all,

I know this might be petty....I don't particularly care. lol....

Anyway, the inevitable slide towards divorce has come to a stop by slamming into a wall!

In the past he had threatened not to sign divorce papers if I filed.

Let's just say, this is no longer a problem lol.

Now, I know this is petty, and please know I am not harping on this to the point that I wouldn't get this divorce over with any other way, but...

After all of the horrendous physical, sexual, emotional, and verbal abuse this BASTARD has put me through, *I* want to be the one who serves *him* papers. *I* want to be the one that files. I want it recorded on paper hat it was *ME* who wanted OUT.

Is it possible, if he were to serve *me* first, to not sign them and then serve *him*?

Again, yes - I am fully aware of how petty this sounds. I don't care. And truly, if I could not afford to serve him with papers, and the only way to get this divorce over with was to sign the papers he serves me, I will do it.

I just want to know if I could refuse to sign and then serve him instead, so I know my options, if I am even able to afford it at the time.

I am in NY, on Long Island, if that helps at all.

Thanks ahead of time for not judging me! lol

I know it's silly, but symbolically, it would mean a lot to me, if I am in a financial position to afford to do it. It's just that, after countless black eyes, and countless other violations of my dignity, it'd sure be nice.

Thanks, and I hope you are all doing well, and able to grab at least a moment of peace and stillness today.

Santa

I was afraid my AH would sit on the papers and delay signing just to be a PITA (I was the complainant), even though we had agreed to divorce. My attorney said I can divorce him whether he signs or not. He did sign. It's not like the sheriff shows up at the door and says "you've been served" like on tv. It's a certified letter.

Personally I would advise just going ahead with a minimum amount of drama. Hasn't life been dramatic enough up to now?

Fathom

Hugs, OM.

I get it. Truly. But, now that I'm a few years out from being served, I can tell you it doesn't really matter. He is nowhere near the center of attention in my life anymore. Even better, the divorce has less and less relevance to my life. I couldn't care less that he filed before me at this point. The thing that mattered to me was that I had my say. I didn't just sign off on the BS proposal he and his attorney drew up initially, but I worked with my attorney to figure out what I thought should come out of the process. Then I left it to the attorneys to mostly sort out. Thankfully, he actually dragged out the process with lots of long delays when paperwork would be up to him. That meant my attorney's fees were more reasonable on a monthly basis.

See if you can take your focus off him, and start looking at what you want your life to be about when he is no longer anywhere in the picture. Then, put your energy toward those goals, because haven't you given him enough of your time and energy by now?

Wishing you peace,
Fathom

AnvilheadII

if this is a concern, why not just get the ball rolling yourself? take the if's and the future tripping out of it....and stay out of the game playing and who gets to WIN. the goal, I believe, is to put this all behind you....does it matter how you get there? will it matter in five years?