jarp

I heard the term 'King Baby' yesterday on SR and didn't know what it was so looked it up.

Ahh-haaa so AH definitely fits the KB profile.

But our counsellor has suggested he has many traits of borderline personality disorder (or at least NPD).

And the list of traits, signs and symptoms in the King Baby description and that of a person with Borderline Personality are identical.

So what's the difference between King Baby Centre of the Universe and someone with. Personality disorder? Are all alcoholics KB's? Do they all have a Personality disorder?

Doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things....but just musing....

amy55

I thought about this also. I had to stop. It just made me crazier. I do highly suspect my ex was ubpd (undiagnosed borderline personality disorder). It was the push and pull, the love the hate, the black the white. Thing is he was like that all the time. I guess you can also say that's a dry drunk, but I do think people who are going through this quick and frequent shifts of emotions, the extreme walking on eggshells, you can tell the difference.

So is it better to put a label on it? I thought it was for awhile, but found out it means nothing in the grand scheme of things. The most it means it you are dealing with a dual diagnosis.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

jarp

True Amy, very true.

I think though for me believing AH has a PD it actually makes it easier for me to not let him return. I'm still sort of stuck in that thought that is he is 'just' an alcoholic that it can be fixed (meaning fix themselves). From what I have read, someone with BPD can only very rarely be 'fixed' and only with an intense desire on their part to do that work.

Alcoholism (how crazy is this) gives me hope, BPD I'd probably just realise I needed to give up. If AH has BPD it makes it easier for me to move on.....insane hey? It's like I think he can recover form alcoholism, but you never recover from a PD.

Trust me I am seeing the flaws in my thinking as I am typing this... :lol

amy55

jarp, not crazy. I was thinking my ex had bi-polar during our marriage. There are meds for that, if not bipolar, then depression, there is hope for that. If I ever researched what I am somewhat convinced of now, I would have left earlier, because there was no way that he would have gone through therapy, (CBT, DBT). He just wouldn't have. His behavior was too egregious to ever consider living like that.

I did it though for 26 years, then I just had to give up. My sanity was at stake, and so was my alcoholism.

jarp

Funny Amy, for YEARS my AH told me he'd been diagnosed with bi-polar, and to me that used to explain some of his behaviour even though when I read about it, it didn't quite 'fit' in my opinion.

Then after the recent round of craziness and multiple hospital admissions it came to life that he'd NEVER been diagnosed as bi-polar, and the meds that id seen him take at the start of our relationship were actually prescribed to help symptoms of alcohol induced psychosis!!!!!

The bipolar gave me hope.....medication can help that, and I know a few people with bipolar that do super well when on meds and accessing support therapy and are vigilant to their own health.

I wonder if AH out and out lied or if this had been suggested and his brain sucked that up as a diagnosis bc that's easier to cope with than 'you've so stuffed our brain with your alcohol consumption that you are having psychotic episodes'....

peaceofpi

There is no mental condition (or problem) that alcohol can't make worse.

Alcohol erodes and eats holes in the brain and particularly has some long-lasting effects on the parts of the brain that control empathy and reasoning. It seems somewhat common to have dual diagnoses of alcoholism and personality disorder. Don't know if the chicken (drink) or egg (brain condition) came first or whether the A is "self-medicating" because of preexisting disorder. A brain that has a problem just gets worse when doused in toxic chemicals.

schnappi99

My buddy just got his 1yr chip, he is type of alcoholic that can't stop drinking when he has the first one. Before he hit bottom a year ago he was exhibiting all kinds of bipolar and manic traits, went to psychiatrists got all kinds of medications etc.. none of which really worked because he neglected to tell the docs about his drinking. Many of his manic/depressive spells happened to coincide with his weekly visits to his girlfriend's house (she does not drink), so he was going into detox whenever he was with her & nobody could figure out what was going on with him.

Now that he's been sober for a year the manic/depressive stuff disappeared, he's left on a mild antidepressant and thats it. No crazy heart issues, no off the hook anger and irritability.

Hammer

Some long-term A's have sort of "pre-existing" Mental Health (or Mental Illness -- pick your term) conditions. Estimates that I have read count over half of the Long-Term institutional recovery type A's as having "Personality Disorders" including the PDs you are pondering.

Fancier terms for all this are "Co-Morbidity" or "Dual-Diagnosis" (assuming a formal diagnosis is made). Big Picture -- all of means They (and You, as long as you are part) are dealing with Big Problems. Means that when the Alcohol (or whatever other addiction they are self-medicating with) goes away -- the Problem(s) will not.

The dark humor joke version is: Alcoholic (minus) Alcohol = ic. (as in ICCCKKK!)

(btw, understand that for many Alcoholics this is not so much the case)

But not much you can do about that side of things.

However -- there is ENORMOUS Help and Hope for YOU in this.

From what you are describing, here a couple of my favorite Go-To Books. The First is a Great Primer, and the Second an actual full detailed guide book FOR YOU.

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder: Paul Mason MS, Randi Kreger: 9781572246904: Amazon.com: Books

http://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Caretaking.../dp/144222018X

============

And if you want the engineering gone bad version with personal vignettes, and blow-by-blow drama there is always this guy's version >>>


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-thread.html

Bullfrog

I have made myself NUTS trying to figure out what is wrong with my XAH. I have it narrowed down to King Baby or borderline. In the end, though, I didn't cause it, and I can't control or cure it. As hard as it is, I have to just take all focus off of him if I want to recover and have a happy life.

(FWIW, I am pretty sure his addiction issues are his way of dealing with being borderline. But I'm no psychiatrist.)

ShootingStar1

In the end, it doesn't matter WHY they act the way they act; it matters whether or not you can live with who they are.

On the dual diagnosis stuff, I'd say look back to who they were before they were drinking, and you'll get a better sense of whether this is alcoholism aggravating an underlying personality problem or more purely alcoholism.

But the point, well expressed here, is that your time is better spent on thinking about who you want and need to be.

You now get to be the star of your own life story.

ShootingStar1