MeTwoPoint0

Thank you to everyone for your honest responses. It's only been a few weeks since this has happened so I am enraged and hurt, yet still rationalizing the situation because it cushions the blow. I feel like a fool.

My husband has been attending AA meetings every day since this happened and has not had a drink. I have been to a few Al-Anon meetings. We are in couples therapy as well as individual therapy.

I've been told in Al-Anon to wait at least 6 months before making any major decisions. However, I view alcoholism and infidelity as 2 separate issues. I don't think I can wait 6 months to decide that I want a divorce. My therapist told me that, "not making a decision right now is a decision." That I should wait until I can think more rationally. However, he cheated on me. Period. What's there to be rational about??

What is holding me back from filing the paperwork YESTERDAY? My two young children. My marriage. Yes, I know you've heard this all before. Been there, done that, right? But I feel that I need to at least try to reconcile for their sake. Give him at least that one chance to make things better and if he strays again or drinks again, then give him the boot. Would I ever forgive myself if I didn't give it at least one shot for the sake of my kids? I've always put 150% in every relationship and now, for my marriage, I can't try one more time?

I need help. I'm so confused and am tired of feeling this pain. I'm tired of moping and feeling sorry for myself.

The drinking is HIS problem. I don't blame myself for it. The infidelity is HIS problem. I don't blame myself for it. I was a damn good wife and good mother. I've been through years of therapy sorting through my self-esteem/family/relationship issues and I really though he was different from all the rest. I thought I had found a guy who respected and loved me. I had no idea he was an alcoholic until a few years after we started dating. I know I deserve better than this, but I can't seem to shake that he is a good man deep down inside and that my family deserves another chance... ugh, maybe all those years of therapy didn't help as much as I thought.

Thank you again for your replies and honesty. This forum has proved very helpful.

MeTwoPoint0

Oh, and apparently I misunderstood the term "functional alcoholic." I said this because that's how our therapist referred to his disease. I did not know it was a stage of alcoholism.

honeypig

There is an awful lot to learn, MeTwoPoint0, and it's extra hard to learn when your feelings are in an uproar! I think you're doing well, and I feel sure you'll see your way clear in time. Keep doing what you're doing for you and your kids.

((((Hugs))))

whalebelow

Seems to me you have taken a very sane approach to all this.

Your getting help for yourself with Al anon, your husband is getting help for himself with Aa and your seeking professional help for your marriage.

I'd say all that counselling has paid off in spades.

My only piece of advice is from experience, you'll hear a lot of different things in your meetings and he will hear a lot of different stuff in his.

But if you buy a big book and use the "common solution " written by Bill W and the first 100, you'll find the going much easier as that cuts out the miscommunication of the message and you will both find out together that there is a solution and you can recover. Together!!!