feelsohelpless

So my fiance has moved out of the house.
This weekend has been so exhausting, it's alot to process.
I'm single. I can't believe it, it still hasn't sunk in.
I have been wanting this for a long time though.
We will still have to see each other at least one more time to separate our wedding funds, or what I can get back from the vendors anyway.
I don't know if I would have had the courage to do this had it not been for SR.
Thank you infinitely.

killerinstinct

Wow this is huge!!!!! Are you okay???

feelsohelpless

Hey killerinstinct,
I'm not really ok, there's been alot of tears today on both our parts.
I have a girlfriend staying with me tonight so I'm not alone.
Going to tell my parents tomorrow.
I think it will be easier for me than it will be for him.
Thanks for reading.

killerinstinct

I read some of your older posts.. I know it's hard but I was in your position once, I tried to believe that things would get better, we had a baby, got married and he dropped me the minute he had to be responsible... Just like that and moved onto the next fun person, like I use to be with him Before we had to become responsible. I wish I had the lucky escape you did. As my life is ruined now and I can't change what's happened. I know it's hard for you but if you stayed on it would have been your death sentence. Please don't blame yourself for him being too selfish to give up booze for good. It's hard being an addict sure but they can give it up for good if they really want to .. Sounds like he didn't want to lose you but it was still on his mind 9 months away!! Big Red Flag and your lucky escape. I know it's hard because you haven't fully walked through the hurricane that this condition is with him but believe me if you did you would never be the same person again.. It's soul destroying. Like they sell your soul to the devil. It's horrifying.

feelsohelpless

Thanks killerinstinct, I know I am lucky to have realised all of this now.
Neither he nor I are particularly religious, but he said to me today,
Now I know God loves both of us.
I asked how?
He replied, because he let me have you for as long as I did and he set you free when you had had enough.
I know the future will be brighter.

yensid

{hugs} honey. You have a beautiful life ahead of you. Take care of you and good things are bound to happen.

feelsohelpless

Thankyou yensid and everyone who has given me advice and encouragement to do what I need to do.
It has made a world of difference.

hopeful4

Tight, tight hugs!!!

ShootingStar1

Life begins anew, then life begins anew, then life begins anew...

Killerinstinct, you are free now. You no longer have a death sentence. Your soul, while battered, is still your soul, and you can again be whole.

English Garden wrote a wonderful thread "What is Abuse" that is a sticky, and my story is there. You, too, can and will heal over time.

What you are feeling now is the horror of the trauma. It is heart wrenching, it is compelling, it is all consuming. It is reactive to what you have lived through.

But it is not predictive. Now you get to choose your own future, and with time, you will.

Feelsohelpless, it may be time to think about a new name!

Life begins anew, life begins anew, life begins anew...

ShootingStar1

Pia

feelsohelpless- I would give just about anything to have done what you just did.

I heard a quote from a celebrity one time she said" she has been engaged 3 times and isn't ashamed because it is better to have 3 engagements called off than to have 3 divorces."

I am excited to know you have saved you years of heartache.

SeriousKarma

That took an amazing amount of courage, Feelsohelpless, I'm not surprised you're exhausted. Smart choice to have your girlfriend spend the night. You'll want to surround yourself with people who "get it", and support you as much as possible.

The process of healing can be a bumpy road. Sometimes it's three steps forward, two steps back, and doesn't happen overnight. But it's awesome when you look back and realize how far you've come.

((((( hugs )))))

readerbaby71

I'm glad you were able to part on good terms, and that it happened pretty quickly. Dragging it out is just more painful (trust me, I know). HUGS to you and your ex. I hope he gets the help he needs and that you find happiness on your own! xoxo

feelsohelpless

It's past 1am and I can't sleep. I have to get up in 4 hours for work. Tomorrow is going to be fun!

SeriousKarma

Wooo Hoooo!!! AND it's Monday. This is going to be a fun week for you.

Ok, So maybe this won't be your most productive week at work. Be gentle with yourself. Try and plan your meals and work clothes, whatever, ahead of time so you can crawl home, eat, and fall in bed. Better yet, eat ice cream, breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

It will be Friday before you know it.

feelsohelpless

Mmm ice cream....

53500

Isn't it awful to go to work sleep deprived? I've done it too and HATE it. So sorry you're not getting sleep and feel so down. It gets better. ::hugs:: to you.