WendyOR

I have a woman that we went to school with. (xabf and I). While we were dating, she would email him and inbox him and really made me feel uncomfortable. She is in recovery from a drug addiction. She was my friend before she was reintroduced to him when a group of us went to dinner. I would talk to him about how I felt it was odd that she would keep reaching out to him, when she had only seen him once at dinner and a couple of times when he was playing and a large group of us would go watch him play. We would catch up and dance. I felt it was odd she was in recovery for a drug addiction, yet she would drink. It was not in large quantities, but he would drink several while we were all out. It wasn't and isn't my place to judge but it just struck me odd. I didn't hear from her in over a year. We had a class reunion in which we did not attend. (xabf and I). She started getting sentimental and reached out to me. He and I had already broke up. I told her how she had hurt my feelings and over stepped my boundaries and I felt it was inappropriate. She apologized and said she is socially awkward etc. and didn't mean to. So.... we started talking again, and I confided in her about his drinking etc, and about attending alanon, reading up etc. She gave me some great perspectives from the other side, how it controls your thought process, etc. I valued her wisdom on the subject.

Fast forward to Friday night. I got an inbox from her saying she had reached out to Jeff as she and her friends were going out dancing and she wanted to know where they were playing. She then followed by, she was going to spy on him....????? WTHeck? Spy on him? It really bothered me a lot. I stewed on it a few days and talked to my therapist about it. She told me to confront her and the situation. I had to think about it some more. Today I did just that. I told her I thought she understood not only as a recovering addict, but also as a mom who has a daughter going through substance abuse issues right now as well. She replied that she wanted to see how much he was drinking that night and report back to me. I in return and told her even if he didn't drink one drink that night doesn't mean he isn't drinking or his thinking is not altered by his addiction. I told her maybe he hasn't drank since we broke up, if he isn't working a program for total sobriety he will relapse or still have the mind thoughts of an addict until the real issues are being worked upon. I asked her why she thought he would open up to her when he doesn't even really know her... and how if he is in denial 98% of the time, how she thought he would just come clean with her?

Now I question if she really understands any of it either? I just shake my head and think... I just don't get it. I am not going to let it trip my thoughts up too much, but just don't get it.

suki44883

From what I gather, your xbf plays in a band. Band members are total chick magnets. In spite of what she says, I think she's interested in getting to know him better. It has nothing to do with you or his drinking or whatever. I think she just wants to get next to him, if you know what I mean.

LoveMeNow

She sounds like drama.....I do my best now to avoid drama!!

ladyscribbler

Yeah, she's trying to hit that. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, she's probably a double winner and hasn't done anything for her Codie stuff. Plus the band thing, but mostly Codie stuff.

Also agree that it's total drama, best avoided by you. Block the lot of them and keep going on your recovery.

WendyOR

She has a boyfriend who is a drummer from a different band. I agree with you though, as it was odd she continued to try to contact him even when we were dating. It is so odd to me. Just trying to distance myself from it all.

Santa

This is messed up on so many levels....I would block her yesterday.

redatlanta

She sounds batsh!t crazy.

GracieLou

Tell her that you located her nose............It was all up in your business.

Drama! Just say no!

readerbaby71

I agree....stay as far away from her as possible. She's "spying" on him for you? I ain't buying it. Sorry this is happening, I know you don't need the added irritation right now.

Rosalba

This ^^^. He's your ex. He's nothing to do with you now. If you absolutely have to have any contact with her before you can block her in every way possible, respond that he's your ex and you have nothing to do with him now.

My ex and I live in the same town; sometimes a mutual friend will start to tell me stuff about him, and I'll let them know, gently, that I'm building up my own life now, want nothing to do with him and I'm not interested.

P.S. You don't have to 'get' it. Her circus, her monkeys. I tried for years to understand the behaviour of the alcoholics in my life, and then realised I was trying to make sense of something senseless and that it was a waste of time.

Sungrl

Protect yourself. This sounds like a lifetime movie with a really bad ending.

WendyOR

I agree with all of you. It is hard, as I do still love him. I am detaching with love. I do love him, and those things are difficult to hear.