formarilynm

I have tried everything and I feel like I have hit a dead end.
My husband has an issue with alcohol and pills. We’ve been married about 4 and a half years and he has had his ups and downs, he is like a broken record, a horrible cycle. He finally decided to go to N/A about 6 weeks or so ago and at first loved it. He was finally around people who understood him and he saw how there were people who were once in his position and have made their lives better. About 2 weeks ago his attendance dwindled. Last night he went to see his friend on the next street, which I had no issue with because he watches our 4 month old son everyday while I’m at work. He came home to say he was going to the store and when an hour passed I knew how the night would end. Sure enough he drank, took pills, crashed a motorcycle and then tried to assault a minor twice. Needless to say, the cops were called and he was arrested facing disorderly conduct charges. I didn’t intervene; I let the cops take him. He is on probation and has court this morning of which I am not attending. I refuse to take a day out of work, when I am the only one working in my house, so that I can watch him look like a fool in front of strangers . . . again. I love him, and I feel as though I have exhausted all of my options. He needs help that I cannot provide him with. I called his probation officer and told her everything, and how I feel. His probation officer said they are trying to get home confinement and substance abuse counseling, if not residential, which I feel would be better. He called me from the cop car on the way to the court telling me I will need to come get him, I refused. He told me that I was being dramatic and turning my back on him. I am the child of an alcoholic, and I can’t let my son grown up like I did.

hopeful4

Hello, I extend you a warm Welcome. We are glad you are here.

I understand what you are feeling. My X husband was addicted to alcohol and Rx drugs. It was a crazy up and down life that made me question my own sanity. I think you have a good boundary by not picking him up or attending his court. I let myself be guilted into picking up my X after an incident he spent the night in jail. Big mistake is all I can say. I went to court w/him one time at the very end (after several other court dates which I did not go to). I also regret going to that.

Do you attend Alanon or Celebrate Recovery or any sort of program for YOU? It would likely help you lots.

I am quite surprised he was able to call you from the police car?! What has the world come to???!!! Goodness. I suggest you make a list of your wants and goals and the steps you can take to get yourself there.

Tight Hugs! Keep posting, you are not alone!

lillamy

You have every right to turn your back on him.
As someone here likes to say -- marriage is not a suicide pact.

He wants to ruin his life? He has a right to do that.
You don't feel like your life's dream is to hang around so he has someone to bail him out and patch him up so he can continue ruining his life? Then you have the right to stop doing that.

It's as simple as that. And as hard as that.

Katchie

You probably don't feel like it, but you sound quite strong in your conviction of how things will be for you and your child. Kuddos for you making that happen even when he calls wanting you to help him out of the mess he made for himself. That really is the most loving thing you can do for him, let him find his own way out of his messes.

redatlanta

Perhaps you should point out to him that he has turned his back on you and his son many times. Drinking is more important to him that protecting the family. That's just the way it is.

Welcome and stick around we are here for you.