Feeling sad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: CA
Posts: 37
Feeling sad
It's so hard for me to fully express what I feel and what keeps happening. The ah and I had another talk this evening after a week of him ignoring me. The beginning of our talk was very heated and he has shown me what is most important to him.....being on "his team" (whatever that means, we are not in competition). He did get that scary, defensive look and point his finger at me and I called him on it. The details of the conversation basically came down to I will be looking for a place to go with the kids. Then, the sweet (?) charming guy came out. wtf.
I am just so confused and sad. I know I need to get myself out of this situation. I don't know what the next step should be. I look around and get overwhelmed with packing, finding a place, telling friends and family. I'm afraid of what's going to happen and that I don't have a plan yet. I have been reading the posts here and I appreciate what has been written. I just wish I could open up more and tell my story as eloquently as everyone else. I'm feeling so sad and lonely....thanks for the forum to vent
I am just so confused and sad. I know I need to get myself out of this situation. I don't know what the next step should be. I look around and get overwhelmed with packing, finding a place, telling friends and family. I'm afraid of what's going to happen and that I don't have a plan yet. I have been reading the posts here and I appreciate what has been written. I just wish I could open up more and tell my story as eloquently as everyone else. I'm feeling so sad and lonely....thanks for the forum to vent
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Hey, you don't have to be flippin' Shakespeare around here. And sometimes, it takes a while to... to even dare put words on what's going on in your life. It's hard. Don't be down on yourself. Share what you want, in your time. (((hugs)))
What's that quote again? Do you know how you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. And that's the thing with these big changes, too.
After I had left AXH, I sat down with a couple of good friends and pen and paper and made a list of all the things that needed doing, and which ones were most urgent. When I thought about it all at once, I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and stay there until it was all over. But putting it down on paper, and seeing that "OK, #1 is changing all my passwords; #2 is opening a new bank account; #3 is getting a lawyer, and #4 is finding an apartment. Everything else comes further down the list." -- somehow, that was like cutting the first few pieces off of that elephant. And it also felt good to have a list and check things off -- in those days when everything felt new and a bit scary, seeing those things I had already accomplished made me feel... like I could probably eat the rest of that darn elephant as well.
Be good to yourself. Breathe. You can do this.
What's that quote again? Do you know how you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. And that's the thing with these big changes, too.
After I had left AXH, I sat down with a couple of good friends and pen and paper and made a list of all the things that needed doing, and which ones were most urgent. When I thought about it all at once, I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and stay there until it was all over. But putting it down on paper, and seeing that "OK, #1 is changing all my passwords; #2 is opening a new bank account; #3 is getting a lawyer, and #4 is finding an apartment. Everything else comes further down the list." -- somehow, that was like cutting the first few pieces off of that elephant. And it also felt good to have a list and check things off -- in those days when everything felt new and a bit scary, seeing those things I had already accomplished made me feel... like I could probably eat the rest of that darn elephant as well.
Be good to yourself. Breathe. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 11
First of all hugs to you! I am sorry you feel alone. You are never alone here! That is the great thing about this forum; full of caring souls with unfortunate life experience. I really like lillamy's idea, and think that baby steps are key. You don't have to pack up everything tonight. You can even brainstorm you checklist here.
We will always cheer you on with whatever you decide. You deserve the best!
We will always cheer you on with whatever you decide. You deserve the best!
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
I am sorry that you find yourself in a situation that brings you here and I'm sending you hugs.
It takes time to be able to tell your story and it's not a requirement what you are doing now coming here for advise and support is brilliant. That's the first step in recovery. In relation to everything you have to do and where to start pick one thing and focus on that when you've accomplished that then move onto what next you want to achieve! Finding somewhere to live might be your first step at least you will know you have a safe place to go.
One step at a time you can do this. Hugs
It takes time to be able to tell your story and it's not a requirement what you are doing now coming here for advise and support is brilliant. That's the first step in recovery. In relation to everything you have to do and where to start pick one thing and focus on that when you've accomplished that then move onto what next you want to achieve! Finding somewhere to live might be your first step at least you will know you have a safe place to go.
One step at a time you can do this. Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: NC
Posts: 117
Everyone is SO right! Looking at everything ALL at once is way too overwhelming! Break it down into easy steps forward. For me I sometimes call them baby steps forward. Sometimes all I can do is take a baby step....but I am still moving in the right direction.
HUGS to you!!
HUGS to you!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: CA
Posts: 37
Thank you for your kind words and support. I will be taking baby steps. I started looking for places last night. It's hard to wrap my brain around it. We've been married 18 years and lived in this house for that long. I went straight from my parents house to here......that's not completely accurate. I did go to college, lived in a dorm, then apt, then back to parents before marriage....so I know could do it on my own. I was just so afraid of breaking up the family. But the family is already torn apart. We are living as a separated couple right now just in the same house.
The funny thing is, right at this moment he's the charming attentive man that he used to be. I'm not falling for it. In a few days, he will back to his normal self. It's the cycle that I've been in for years.
I will pray and have faith everything will work out as it should. And I'll take each baby step and ask for help/support when I need it. That will probably be one of the hardest things. I tend to be the lone wolf....
Thanks again....peace
The funny thing is, right at this moment he's the charming attentive man that he used to be. I'm not falling for it. In a few days, he will back to his normal self. It's the cycle that I've been in for years.
I will pray and have faith everything will work out as it should. And I'll take each baby step and ask for help/support when I need it. That will probably be one of the hardest things. I tend to be the lone wolf....
Thanks again....peace
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Posts: 21
I can so relate. My AH has the same pattern. Been going on for years. After the last big blowup a few weeks ago, I finally went to attorney, signed papers to file. Right after, he is acting like the perfect husband. Still waiting for papers, he has no idea. But it makes it harder for me to follow through when he is in nice mode. But I know it won't last. Just so hard to make that change. I too need to find a place to live, change my entire life. It is all exhausting. And ridiculously expensive. I can see why people just stay. It is intimidating.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Wherever we go, there we are.
Posts: 108
MauiHope, I'm so sorry you're going through this...you are so not alone. When you said it's so hard for you to fully express how you feel or explain what keeps happening - wow! You really hit the nail on the head with putting it that way, I've been experiencing the same problem. Like others have said here, just keep doing the next right thing one step at a time. Only you know how slowly/quickly to take those steps, or what those steps even are.
But so far it sounds like you're doing a great job of reaching out here. It's so easy to isolate!
But so far it sounds like you're doing a great job of reaching out here. It's so easy to isolate!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
