kkallday21

My ex has court today for a possession charge from February.. It’s been continued several times.. I can’t help but worry.. I know I need to keep the focus on myself, but today it’s been hard… No matter what he’s doing, it’s none of my business… Yesterday was the first full day of no contact… It was peaceful… Maybe he’s moved on… Whatever the case.. Better them, then me.. I’ve done my share.. I was thinking back last night and read some old letters from jail, cards he gave since he’s been out and he never really fully changed.. Yes he is a good guy, but he also has another side of him that is just dangerous… One letter was from December 2011, telling me you really should be my girl, Kim - you’ll keep me in check.. He was explaining how he was in the hole for getting in trouble for something he did.. Was saying how he couldn’t wait to be able to spend Christmas with me and that would be the greatest present of all.. Then December 2013 comes along and it was our first Christmas together and he totally damaged it and ran around like a nut getting high and being reckless… I reflected on the times since he has been home and it really has been a rollercoaster ride.. Every holiday/occasion we either weren’t together or it was drama on or around those times… All this in just a little under a year.. Nothing has been solid ground… I’m just hurting today.. I guess I’m just grieving the expectations that I thought we were going to have.. I just have to come to terms that he is sick and no matter what I can’t save him or make things go my way.. it’s all out of my control… You see the good in others and just hope it can stay but it never does- not with an addiction. I’m just sad today 

lillamy

That is absolutely true. And it's also true that it's difficult to feel that, even when you rationally know that it's true.

I don't know if this makes sense but... when I left my ex, I had already done that. I had already worked through the feelings of betrayal and disappointment and grief. I don't know if it's easier to do it during or after a relationship, but I think everyone has to do that.

I just hope you can stay NC -- for me, that was key to getting back to a healthy place in life.

kkallday21

He just texted me.. Not Guilty!... After everything he has put me through the past couple weeks, he has the nerve to text me and tell me he's not guilty.. I guess he is trying to rub it in, or whatever.. He's really sick, I guess all I can do is pray and be thankful it isn't me..

lillamy

I hope that means he can go on with his life and leave you alone to do the same.

Mango blast

I'm sorry for all you're going through, especially with the emotions today. It's okay to feel them, even if they hurt. Let them come, and go, and day by day things will get better. (((hugs)))

Is it possible to block his number?

Breath deeply and give yourself some kind thoughts. You deserve it. What's worked for me recently is if I'm thinking unhealthy thoughts, I let that come and then counter it with a positive thought. It's not to stop the negative, but to work through it and transform my thinking into new patterns. It takes time, but it is working.

Santa

I was going to say you won't be that lucky, even before you wrote that he texted you right after the hearing.

nbay2013

I am past my first year of no contact. The first three months were for me, very difficult. My brain was consumed with him; I had full conversations going constantly in my head. During that time I biked and photographed every day after work. Then one day came that I didn't think about him for the whole day..and from there, things got better and better. My exabf sent me an email on my birthday this month. Exactly one year since no contact. Instead of my heart beating I read it with a lightness I did not think possible, smiled and deleted it. Moving on.

Hugs,
Carrie