So here is what happened this morning
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 303
I can't give you any advice on the financial stuff. (Thankfully, we were renting when I left.)
I just wanted to say, I've pretty much heard all that same abusive garbage from my ex. And I'm so sorry. Even if it's all lies and just his demented spewing, it still cuts you to the core.
You are worth so much MORE than that. Never forget that. Once you get clear from the abuse, you will begin to see it. You are a precious human being and don't deserve to be subjected to that.
I just wanted to say, I've pretty much heard all that same abusive garbage from my ex. And I'm so sorry. Even if it's all lies and just his demented spewing, it still cuts you to the core.
You are worth so much MORE than that. Never forget that. Once you get clear from the abuse, you will begin to see it. You are a precious human being and don't deserve to be subjected to that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Sending hugs, Meggem. Your lawyer is right; she can draw up whatever you want, but it doesn't mean he'll sign. Even if you gave him _everything_ odds are he wouldn't sign because you're trying to leave.
I get where you're coming from on trying to help for a few months. I covered AXH's for a month after I left. He took a different route: he played the "Woe is me. I can't make it. Look at how much I NEED you." Guilt trip! I was going to make him homeless. And we were renting from his family. He wouldn't have been any happier if I'd paid 3 months or 3 years. I was LEAVING. I was trying to break his control over me. It's pretty much the same reason I wouldn't expect a rational response on the paperwork from your A, either.
Hang in there! Get all the info you need and see what options come up.
BTW, if your name is on the utilities for the house, make sure you get it off of them when you leave. I called all the utilities for the apartment AXH and I shared. All but one were "No problem. Your name is off as of ##-##-##." The last one just said they'd make a note of the call and that I was moving out. They didn't note the account. I kept getting calls when he stopped paying because my name was on the account. After quite a few months, I ended up pointing out that I had my own account with them set up on Day X and that was the date I asked them to remove me from the old one. Then they acknowleged that, but said since I was his wife.... At which point I told them they could call SIL and FIL, because they're his family _and_ the landlords. It was a huge P-I-T-A.
I get where you're coming from on trying to help for a few months. I covered AXH's for a month after I left. He took a different route: he played the "Woe is me. I can't make it. Look at how much I NEED you." Guilt trip! I was going to make him homeless. And we were renting from his family. He wouldn't have been any happier if I'd paid 3 months or 3 years. I was LEAVING. I was trying to break his control over me. It's pretty much the same reason I wouldn't expect a rational response on the paperwork from your A, either.
Hang in there! Get all the info you need and see what options come up.
BTW, if your name is on the utilities for the house, make sure you get it off of them when you leave. I called all the utilities for the apartment AXH and I shared. All but one were "No problem. Your name is off as of ##-##-##." The last one just said they'd make a note of the call and that I was moving out. They didn't note the account. I kept getting calls when he stopped paying because my name was on the account. After quite a few months, I ended up pointing out that I had my own account with them set up on Day X and that was the date I asked them to remove me from the old one. Then they acknowleged that, but said since I was his wife.... At which point I told them they could call SIL and FIL, because they're his family _and_ the landlords. It was a huge P-I-T-A.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by meggem 
I don't even care at this point if I get a dime.
- you made a significant contribution to your joint assets
- life goes on long after the divorce, and you should try for the best financial start you can give yourself and your child
- money is independence and choice
- you will instantly feel like a chump once he hooks up with another woman and she is getting the benefit of your hard work and contributions
Not to say you should act like a shark, but you may need to harden your heart against being overly generous. A good settlement is supposed to be one where everyone feels like they've been ripped off.
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