sunday9

Good advice, Santa. I am calmer now. My insane mind racing is over - at least for now. I have a very strange situation here. I don't know if I am strong enough to say "no!" this time. I still love and feel a "responsibility" for him. I also see a nice, normal future ahead with new possibilities and doors opening for me if he does move on. Thanks again to everyone.

Praying

This is a classic abuse tactic (with narcissistic tendencies). They suck you dry until you have nothing left to give, then go elsewhere to "take", coming back for more when you've regained energy and some life. They also keep circling back ("hoovering"--google this if you haven't read about it) to make sure you're still there as a source for them.

It was a TOUGH realization for me after almost 20 years that he wasn't capable of loving me. He really only thought of me in the moments he called or texted, and NOT while he was off doing something else. Ever. Because nothing existed outside of himself. He wasn't thinking of her either...just him. But I was supposed to stay hooked in and think of him always. I worried, tried everything, and could never please him. The only way to save my sanity and get the respect I deserved in life was to cut him off and move on. Not an easy thing to do. We might make it sound like a simple decision sometimes because the other side is so much better and it's hard to imagine ever choosing to be back in it...but we all did at one time or we wouldn't be here. It's a tough road that twists and turns. But YOU deserve better.

XAH is "happily" remarried for over a year now (1 week post-divorce). But running from relationship to relationship is still chasing that elusive happiness that he can't find with himself. It's just not right to develop intimacy that quickly. Might last a long time, might not, doesn't matter. I've been "unhappily" finding my peace, and I plan to live a full, emotionally healthy life surrounded by people who value me. Stinks to be on this end, but it's beautiful to know I am able to love and live fully. I wouldn't trade that for facade happiness.

Hugs to you today!

Burn his chair...I love that!