Abuse drugs with your Alcoholic?
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Join Date: May 2014
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Abuse drugs with your Alcoholic?
Hi there, did anyone else here like my self enter the world of drug and alcohol abuse with their Alcoholic just so you could spend time with them, so you could enjoy their company, just because you couldn't ever get quality time with them otherwise? I've realised I did this so much, luckily for me I can bounce in and out of drinking and drugging and am not an addict but I am finding myself to be really sad that I can't remain in that world like he does, the way he does. It's a fantasy world, one that I envy people sharing with him.. that world were there is so much fun and so much excitement.. I am jealous that since we are over all that excitement in my life has gone, I know it's not real and leads to death but it still hurts to know that he's got lots of people willing to experience it with him and I have to get on with my life which feels so so boring compared to that. I am so sad that I have to let it go.. as part of me is still wanting to hold onto my A through that. Any advice on how to get my head right about this would help, I am so scared to date again, I'm scared that I'm going to end up with a really boring guy and pine for that excitement. I've been single for 16months now.. and have put off dating out of fear of comparing.. I am so sick of comparing everyone to him! I wonder if exciting men out there exist that don't abuse drugs and Alcohol... I don't want to create more problems so I have to use my brain when I pick my next partner.. for myself and for my son. I am suffering from an immense amount of anxiety and fear over this and have not slept just thinking about it.. as I have learnt of the damage that people can do in our lives if we don't guard our hearts, 16months on I am still broken but healing... I can't afford to get screwed over again by anyone like that but don't want a boring partner. Very scary times for me as I have never been good at picking partners.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I have to get on with my life which feels so so boring compared to that.
that is the EXACT same reason/excuse that addicts give for not giving up the dope. as long as we seek things outside our self for our happiness, contentment and joy, we will always feel that HUNGER. you're hooked on the chaotic ups and downs, which might SEEM exciting, but is really about the most BORING thing ever....siting around getting high.
there is a whole glorious world out there! you have a beautiful small human who needs some guidance on how to LOVE life and being on this planet. he needs to learn how to deal with LIFE on life's terms. as do you.
go outside and embrace the universe.
that is the EXACT same reason/excuse that addicts give for not giving up the dope. as long as we seek things outside our self for our happiness, contentment and joy, we will always feel that HUNGER. you're hooked on the chaotic ups and downs, which might SEEM exciting, but is really about the most BORING thing ever....siting around getting high.
there is a whole glorious world out there! you have a beautiful small human who needs some guidance on how to LOVE life and being on this planet. he needs to learn how to deal with LIFE on life's terms. as do you.
go outside and embrace the universe.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi KI, you know all this, but it might bear repeating...the real world is where the real people live. The wonderful fantasy world doesn't really exist in a physical sense; you still need to eat, live safely and have an income even if your head is somewhere else.
As we get older, most of us 'mature' and accept the reality of the real world. IMO, that's what maturing is.
Whether it's from arrested development, or just personality, the addict is stuck in that attractive fantasy, but eventually the physical realities are going to catch up and impose reality whether they are ready or not. And it won't be fun or attractive when that day arrives.
You're one of the lucky ones who've worked this out early but part of you is still yearning to go back. I know you won't, because you've matured enough to avoid that dead-end.
I'm often amazed at the lives 'boring' people build for themselves. Like the accountant who goes white-water rafting, or the doctor who runs marathons and so on. If you're missing an adrenaline rush, maybe think about the exciting things you could do as recreation. You might be able to replace the excitement of drugs, and meet the sort of man who likes that rush as well.
As we get older, most of us 'mature' and accept the reality of the real world. IMO, that's what maturing is.
Whether it's from arrested development, or just personality, the addict is stuck in that attractive fantasy, but eventually the physical realities are going to catch up and impose reality whether they are ready or not. And it won't be fun or attractive when that day arrives.
You're one of the lucky ones who've worked this out early but part of you is still yearning to go back. I know you won't, because you've matured enough to avoid that dead-end.
I'm often amazed at the lives 'boring' people build for themselves. Like the accountant who goes white-water rafting, or the doctor who runs marathons and so on. If you're missing an adrenaline rush, maybe think about the exciting things you could do as recreation. You might be able to replace the excitement of drugs, and meet the sort of man who likes that rush as well.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
I did the same I'm afraid to say. My XABF was drinking beer and doing speed before I met him. I was drinking too, but only on nights out. Then I started drinking at home, and I started taking speed. It felt good at first and we were doing it together.
It hit me at a New Years party that I didn't want to do it anymore. I stopped drinking and doing drugs easily - but he didn't. He never made a proper attempt to stop. In the time I've known him (5 years) the longest that he was ever without a drink was 3 weeks. I go months without drinking now and even then, it's a small bottle of weak alcohol.
As for drugs? I did it twice more after I resolved to stop and for stupid reasons. One time - I thought that I wouldn't mind as much if I was high too. The next day, I was disgusted with myself that I had taken it. The second time - I took it so that there was less for him to take and hopefully he wouldn't be as bad as he was. I was wrong! He was worse because he wanted more and we had ran out.
He did beg me to take it with him, probably to validate it. I refused apart from those two times. I remember one time he asked me to take it with him because he didn't want to hide it from me. That's something I've been thinking recently. He knew that I didn't like him taking it. But it wasn't that he would stop. No! He was going to take it, and if I wasn't going to take it with him, then he would do it in secret. Which he continued to do but I always caught him.
It's silly the things we do for the people we love. But I decided to not do that anymore, and he wasn't willing to stop. So I will move on, and when I am ready, I will find a new partner who isn't interested in drinking all the time and no interest in drugs!
When you are picking your partner, take your time. There is no rush and don't let yourself get in the same situation again. I certainly won't!
It hit me at a New Years party that I didn't want to do it anymore. I stopped drinking and doing drugs easily - but he didn't. He never made a proper attempt to stop. In the time I've known him (5 years) the longest that he was ever without a drink was 3 weeks. I go months without drinking now and even then, it's a small bottle of weak alcohol.
As for drugs? I did it twice more after I resolved to stop and for stupid reasons. One time - I thought that I wouldn't mind as much if I was high too. The next day, I was disgusted with myself that I had taken it. The second time - I took it so that there was less for him to take and hopefully he wouldn't be as bad as he was. I was wrong! He was worse because he wanted more and we had ran out.
He did beg me to take it with him, probably to validate it. I refused apart from those two times. I remember one time he asked me to take it with him because he didn't want to hide it from me. That's something I've been thinking recently. He knew that I didn't like him taking it. But it wasn't that he would stop. No! He was going to take it, and if I wasn't going to take it with him, then he would do it in secret. Which he continued to do but I always caught him.
It's silly the things we do for the people we love. But I decided to not do that anymore, and he wasn't willing to stop. So I will move on, and when I am ready, I will find a new partner who isn't interested in drinking all the time and no interest in drugs!
When you are picking your partner, take your time. There is no rush and don't let yourself get in the same situation again. I certainly won't!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
I think you have to look at what things you might find to be exciting other than drink or drugs. Beyond just looking for somebody exciting, you might need to find other things in your life that you can get excited about. Traveling, a political cause, skydiving, river rafting, water-skiing or something else. Wanting exciting things can be a really positive and motivating driving force in life if we direct it appropriately.
Then perhaps you could look at finding a partner with an interest in something positve that brings excitement to your lives or that supports other exciting activities that you are engaged in.
Personally, the excitement that came with addiction and addicts in my life is something I can do without entirely.
Then perhaps you could look at finding a partner with an interest in something positve that brings excitement to your lives or that supports other exciting activities that you are engaged in.
Personally, the excitement that came with addiction and addicts in my life is something I can do without entirely.
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