suncatcher

I feel like I've come a long way as far as letting go of my relationship with xabf. However I seem to have gotten a little too comfortable just laying around my house and doing whatever. I read and watch movies, eat and sleep whenever I want, go to work etc. But I feel like I need to get out more, take more walks. I just joined ww but need to go to the grocery to buy the "power foods". I want to go back to school, start some new hobbies, I just feel like I need a push or something! Anyone else go through this? I'm comfortable and content but know I need more motivation to get off my lazy a$$.

FireSprite

Yep! I just recently posted about finding some great deals on Groupon for yoga classes. I've heard from others that they have some success with meetup events in their cities, so that might be a great way to get out & meet people too.

Is there any kind of hobby that you'd like to pursue just for the pure enjoyment of it? Painting, crafts, photography, cooking, a woman's self-defense class? You could learn something new AND meet new people with shared interests.

ladyscribbler

Momentum. Sounds like you're in a bit of a rut. I get in those too. It's cozy and comfy, but not terribly rewarding. Pick one small thing each day- a short walk, trip to the grocery store- and one larger thing for a weekly boost- filling out a school application. Start slow, and build your momentum. Too much too fast can be overwhelming and counterproductive for me. But meeting small doable goals gives me the boost I need to move on to something bigger.

suncatcher

I know working night shift is a factor. I am on a weird schedule having to sleep during the day and be up all night when I work. I know I need to just do it when it comes to going back to school etc. Not sure of what is holding me back from making things happen. Thanks for reading

suncatcher

Firesprite, thanks for the suggestions. I have been wanting to restore some of my antique furniture. Also would love to take a yoga class and cooking class. Just making myself do it seems to be my problem. Ladyscribbler, I think you are right. Maybe just doing one small thing each day is the ticket. I recently went for a walk and listened to my ipod and it felt great! Now I just need to make myself do it more often! Thank you!

suncatcher

That old song by Barry Manilow keeps playing in my head! "You remind me I live in a shell. Safe from the past and doing OK but not very well. No jolts no surprises no crisis arises. My life goes along as it should it's all very nice but not very good. I'm ready to take a chance again..." help!!! Lol

suncatcher

I think maybe I was so used to being in crisis mode when I was with xabf. Then it was so refreshing to relax from all of that. Now I'm getting kind of bored. Wondering what to do next. A little scared of going out of my comfort zone I guess but I know I need to. Thanks for letting me vent my thoughts here. I have found so much comfort and good advice on these threads. We have never met but I feel such a genuine bond with everyone here. Even when I don't post and just read I feel a connection. Very good place SR

Gonnachange

I'm going to second what you've already been offered. Breaking the inertia is a momentum issue. Just do one thing, like your walk today, and the positivity starts. After a while it becomes part of your fabric and the next step, whatever it is, isn't so much of a leap. Keep it up and pretty soon you'll be as fully engaged as you desire to be.

Comfort zone.....it's comforting by definition, but it doesn't mean it's the best place to be. FYI, I'm in my late 50's, still continue to expand my comfort zone, and have always been rewarded. Not saying it's easy, because it's not, but it's worth it. Restoring furniture, yoga, cooking; you certainly have enough interests to pursue. Wish you well!

suncatcher

Thanks gonnachange. I just had my milestone nifty 50 birthday in may. Not going to throw in the towel this soon. Looking forward to expanding my comfort zone and exploring new adventures. It's like standing on the diving board waiting to take that jump. Sometimes I want to run back and climb back down the ladder but deep down I want to just dive in already!

honeypig

suncatcher, I'd like to second FireSprite's suggestions. I also found some great deals on yoga and other exercise classes last summer thru Groupon. I had some fun attending Meetups activities, too. I joined a hiking group thru them and got to do some cool hikes--never realized how much was available and how close to me it was! Something like this might be just what you need to get fired up again...

suncatcher

Thanks honeypig and firesprite. I'm going to check out Groupon and see what I can find! I would love to go on a hike sometime. I think there are things out there I just haven't looked into before. Thanks. I will keep you posted

Worried0810

I think after being in a relationship with an A for so long and having to be strong and fighting all the time, once the trigger has gone, you just shut down and recover for it. Doing nothing all day is fine for a short time, but eventually you need to pick yourself up and start looking after yourself.
For me, I find it hard to get started. But once I start doing something, there's no stopping me! Maybe plan a reward for yourself? If you go on a walk for an hour, you can have that last biscuit in the cupboard or something.
I'd sit and think first - what do YOU want to do? Do you want to get healthier? Learn something new? Start a new hobby? Pick a few things off the list and do them. Once they're done, reward yourself.

suncatcher

Thanks worried. I have a hard time getting started too. I've been in this recovery period of doing nothing for about a year. Now I'm feeling like it's time to do something. I do want to get healthy. I've rewarded myself with too much ice cream . Maybe I'll only eat the ice cream if I take that walk and just a few bites then not the whole pint!

suncatcher

Maybe we go through a different type of depression when we leave the a? But it feels like a peaceful retreat compared to the chaos. Still the sleeping a lot, overeating, watching lifetime movies for hours and playing candy crush during commercials is going to the extreme after a while. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm having a pity party. I know it's time to start doing things out in the real world and meet some new peeps! Thanks for listening and giving me some much needed motivation and good solutions.

Hammer

I would encourage you to be patient with you.

Get you all cleaned up. Maybe a Steps Program, if so inclined. Get/Stay Prayed Up.

When the wind hits your sails, you will want to be ready.





(our Hobie Cat comes out of the warehouse, next month)

queenapple

Night shift is tough; after working it for 14 years or so, I just couldn't do it anymore. One night shift really wrecks three days-- the day before, the day of and the day after.

I'm having just the opposite problem though after RAH has left our house. I'm cleaning out closets, getting rid of clothes (mine),painting rooms and furniture and cleaning up every thing in sight. I have no idea why.

Argnotthisagain

Great thread, suncatcher. Lots of great responses!!

I do the same thing, get comfy in my comfort zone. For me, it's not just from the r-ship and breakup trauma, but also from a lifetime of trauma. Sleeping and isolating is an old shut-down, "safe-zone" habit for me.

I'm working with my therapist, I've made a lot of progress, many changes and improvements, so the next goal is to get involved in some kind of interest group consistently. Getting into some kind of regular social/interest group will be a real challenge. Ha Ha, Yikes!

Also, I've found some great sleep-hypnosis YouTubes for depression, anxiety, procrastination. Procrastination is an anxiety reaction. For me, anxiety is a biggie...it's paralyzing, sometimes.

I've been listening to Jody Whiteley's sleep hypnosis on YouTube. You can search YT for her; she has a lot of vids up. I've been listening overnight to the 8 hr one for depression, and just recently started listening to the one for procrastination. Her words are soothing, encouraging, psychologically sound...she helps you develop more positive loving thoughts, and get comfortable with giving yourself good feelings for your successes. And she gently repeats that even a little bit, day by day, is wonderful.... Anyway, I really like her. I've added her recordings to my recovery activities. Really helps me sleep, too. Soothing and relaxing. Feels a lot better than the old catastrophic thinking!

Interestingly, I sometimes have dreams where it's clear that the positive, accepting, supportive suggestions are bringing up and challenging old, old, ollllld fears, rages, self-protective behaviors and other emotions. For example, the first night I listened to the Procrastination one, I had a real doozy of a weird chaotic scary dream. Very interesting....to me, it proves that I really need the positive, soothing, loving input. Can't wait to discuss it with my therapist.

They're very good. If you think it might be something you want to check out, I recommend highly. Hope this helps!

Charmed3

I just brought this up to my T tonight. Things are finally coming together for me, finally purchased a home after living with people for 9 months. I am very busy getting settled in and I have plenty to keep me busy for now.... but worried about what comes next. I have been living in crisis mode for so long I don't want to get depressed and not keep busy living my life as things start to settle down.

So in this next week, before my next appointment I am making notes about things I like, things I have wanted to do and things I stopped doing because of my A. Then I am going to work on starting some of those things, hopefully to avoid getting to a point of not knowing what to do and getting depressed.

Great thread, thanks for posting.