Carlotta

As a result of living in a household where alcohol was abused, the concept of being gentle with myself was foreign. What was familiar was striving
for perfection and hating myself whenever I fell short of my goals. I first heard, “Be gentle with yourself,” at an Al-Anon meeting. I had a hard time with the idea until I put my imagination to work. I pictured myself finding a kitten and holding it in my cupped hands. I imagined the feelings I might have toward this sweet creature—tenderness, patience,compassion, wonder, and love. I quickly put myself in the kitten’s place and focused all of those gentle feelings in my own direction. It worked! As I have grown in Al-Anon, I have come to see that my Higher Power holds me in the same gentle way— protecting me, guiding me, and loving me every day.

honeypig

I remember a number of years ago when I was working thru some issues from the past regarding my stepfather. I had gone to visit at my sister's house and as I walked in the door and saw her then-10-year-old daughter, I thought "wow, that is the age I was when the trouble started w/the stepfather." It was like a 2 x 4 to the head--I suddenly understood, really and truly and forcefully understood, that I was just a little girl at the time and everything that happened was so totally inappropriate, so crazy, so wrong--and it was not my fault. I was not deserving of how I was treated, nor was I deserving of how I was being taught to treat myself.

That moment did a lot towards opening the door to having some compassion and kindness for myself. I didn't realize how little I had until I thought about it in those terms after looking at my niece and seeing myself...

FireSprite

Honeypig brings up a very interesting point. Although our journeys are very different, often it is in watching DD navigate through difficulty that makes the biggest impression on me. Sometimes it's because I guide her differently than my own (sober) mother did through some of the same challenges, and when I see her managing it in a better way than I did I realize I just simply did not have the right tools & guidance to make my situation any better.

Sometimes she conquers a milestone & my Inner Child just cheers her on because I/we can see her walking a healthier path, earlier in life. Sometimes her challenges trigger damage inside me that I didn't realize I had buried & was struggling with from so long ago & like Honey said, I can suddenly let go because I see clearly what I was blind to before.