Parting ways
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Spfld Illinois
Posts: 4
Parting ways
I have ask my wife to leave after 14 years of marriage today. She is a alcoholic and refuses to acknowledge it. I feel extremely selfish for wanting to be happy. During our marriage she has fallen in love with another man, spent enough money for two lifetimes and become more and more depressed. I feel like I have let my entire family down and the guilt I am feeling is overwelming. I don't know how to cope with this anymore. I would love some words of wisdom from anyone!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Hi,
Reread your post and then ask yourself "Who has really let our family down"?
It doesn't look like it's you and you aren't selfish for wanting to be happy....that's the co-dependent in you talking.
Ngaire
Reread your post and then ask yourself "Who has really let our family down"?
It doesn't look like it's you and you aren't selfish for wanting to be happy....that's the co-dependent in you talking.
Ngaire
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Spfld Illinois
Posts: 4
I've felt for years I was driving her to do this. I beginning to think I wasn't even in the car. I have assumed all the responsibility and I have given her the excuse to keep going. POSSIBLY!
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Perspective from a man's point of view I would agree with what you are feeling but sooner or later would need accept the truth.
Alcohol is what was/is driving her.
Your feeling you have put up with and now feel it is best to say enough, is something only you can say is right. In the past I would have said move on long ago. With who I am today (growth) I have reached an understanding that till I am in your shoes I won't know how I would act/react.
All the same...know it was the alcohol not you who is doing the driving.
From what you have shared, you sure have tried. Nothing to be shameful about there or as I see it...nothing to feel guilty of either.
Alcohol affects the lives of others beyond the user.
Alcohol is what was/is driving her.
Your feeling you have put up with and now feel it is best to say enough, is something only you can say is right. In the past I would have said move on long ago. With who I am today (growth) I have reached an understanding that till I am in your shoes I won't know how I would act/react.
All the same...know it was the alcohol not you who is doing the driving.
From what you have shared, you sure have tried. Nothing to be shameful about there or as I see it...nothing to feel guilty of either.
Alcohol affects the lives of others beyond the user.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: south holland, Ill
Posts: 1
hi dvd,
I too am experiencing some of that quilt as my hubbie is living in a 3/4 house as i write this. also being a christian wife makes it even more mind boggling to a certain extent. i finally came to the realization a week ago that his addiction HAS made me emotionally ill more than i thought it did. so i went to my first alanon meeting for new comers last week. i realize i have to get myself together and he has to get his self together and we have to take those steps on our own. please understand that there are certain things about addiction that we may NEVER ubderstand because we never walked in those shoes and that's a hard pill to swallow for me because i like to understand everything!!!! i would urge you to get some support for yourself so you can clarity of your thought s and decisions.
God bless, we're all in this together!!!!!
I too am experiencing some of that quilt as my hubbie is living in a 3/4 house as i write this. also being a christian wife makes it even more mind boggling to a certain extent. i finally came to the realization a week ago that his addiction HAS made me emotionally ill more than i thought it did. so i went to my first alanon meeting for new comers last week. i realize i have to get myself together and he has to get his self together and we have to take those steps on our own. please understand that there are certain things about addiction that we may NEVER ubderstand because we never walked in those shoes and that's a hard pill to swallow for me because i like to understand everything!!!! i would urge you to get some support for yourself so you can clarity of your thought s and decisions.
God bless, we're all in this together!!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi dvd,
Please don't feel guilty. I assure you she is the one miserable with herself and more than likely the alcohol is what is causing her depression. She may not want to admit that, but until she's ready to seek out help, nothing will change. You moving on and wanting happiness is nothing to be guilty about.
As mentioned, do find a means of support for yourself, in your area. It's okay to walk away, when someone is slowly killing themselves, you don't have to watch anymore. *hugs*
Please don't feel guilty. I assure you she is the one miserable with herself and more than likely the alcohol is what is causing her depression. She may not want to admit that, but until she's ready to seek out help, nothing will change. You moving on and wanting happiness is nothing to be guilty about.
As mentioned, do find a means of support for yourself, in your area. It's okay to walk away, when someone is slowly killing themselves, you don't have to watch anymore. *hugs*
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
