Hawkeye13

Keep taking care of yourself steph

Sorry about the relapse, but in the end all your help cannot help him stay clean.

He has to want it for himself.

Thank you for the update and congrats on finishing school under such difficult circumstances.

hopeful4

Steph, it's great you are working on you. Congrats on your accomplishments. That's great.

I have to ask, what are you getting out of this relationship? It does not sound like much sadly.

One day at a time.

steph0409

Hopeful, Thank you for your encouragement and question. I fight myself with this question everyday. I stay because I want him to know there is someone that cares about him. I stay because I love him. I try to convince myself a lot that things are going to be ok. What's sad is that I don't expect the change from him. When he relapsed he hasn't gone back to doing it that I know of. I don't want to feel like I failed. To be honest I think I failed myself, I feel as if not valuing myself as I should. I need help, I am glad I have you all as what I consider friends because I go through this alone.

hopeful4

Dear friend, you are not alone, that is a constant that we can promise to you.
I get what you are saying. However, please know, if he does not make it in any or whatever way, that is not a reflection of you. If we could all will, pray, and nurse any person to sobriety we all would have as we have all here tried. The only reflection of yourself is how you choose to live your own life.

Remember the three C's. You did not cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it.

Always here for you!

XXX

steph0409

I can't anymore

ladyscribbler

What happened? How are you?

ShootingStar1

You are free to do whatever you need to do to for YOU.

After many years of thinking I could help my then AH, I had to leave because of his abusiveness, and I learned that I cannot live someone else's life for them, and I especially cannot make them live the life I think they should live.

They have the right to choose to do whatever they want, whether or not it appears to us to be healthy.

And we have the right, the obligation, to choose what is healthy for ourselves.

Feel strong and free and make the best decision for yourself. We're all here supporting you.

ShootingStar1

steph0409

Hey guys, went 3 days missing on me. Today Called me so cold and mean. How do I say I can't anymore? I cried but feel so depressed. I don't know how to feel. I really don't. I have become so consumed in all this. I just want to cry and yell and ask him why!!

steph0409

Not too good. I can't deal with this anymore. My depression is through the roof.

ladyscribbler

Sorry to hear that. I know that as long as I hung my hopes for happiness and the future on my ex cleaning up his act that I was always disappointed and depressed. He is not the key to your salvation and you are not the key to his.

BBTaco

Hi Steph, I am in a similar situation, 3 weeks no contact with A & coke addicted boyfriend. The first week was shattering, and I still miss him a lot. I think his health is worse than ever and somedays I worry if he's even alive still. I understand you with the depression, I really do. You are not alone at all!

I just got home from an Al-Anon meeting, it really helps, at least as a distraction. I am reading about codependency and "Women Who Love Too Much"...it's helping too. I am young as well, and try to remind myself there's a lot yet to happen for me, but still can't imagine life without him in the picture even though he told me to **** off for no reason. It's the addiction, not us! We give and give and give and it's hard to know what to do at times when we are unable to give to them. Anyway, always feel free to message me on here! Since he's not at home, this is my distraction...big hugs, Steph!!!

steph0409

I feel the sameway you do. It's so hard. I find myself calling him non stop checking on him. He was fine again until this weekend. I just feel so helpless. I don't want to play victim but how do I say your hurting me?! I don't want to lose this, but I also want out. I want to help him be ok. It's hard to stand and watch him die

BBTaco

That sums up my situation as well. I'm so sorry that you're going through it, too. I don't know how to not play victim, as I know I didn't do anything wrong. I think, at least for me, calling and texting him with no replies was making it worse, so I am trying to have some self-control in regards to that...it's SO hard, I know. I messaged you!

queenapple

I recently made my spouse of 44 years leave our home. Don't wait 44 years to do this. It's much harder the longer you wait. Is this the life you want for yourself?