Small setback, but okay
And Presents For Pretty Girls
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
Small setback, but okay
I saw the xabf last night and didn't acknowledge him at all, as I have done for the past month. NC, no nothing.
My mind goes around in circles with him. Starts with wanting a hug, then goes from there to the drinking and passing out, the lack of intimacy, the back and forth and then ultimately, the getting drunk and sleeping with a mutual friend.
Seems to need to go in that circle.
Something I heard on the radio triggered this feeling and the next thing I know I've texted him that I was still hurting over this.
His response??
Well, it wasn't I'm sorry. It wasn't I understand, I apologize, I sympathize, I feel bad this happened.
Nope.
It was, "Yes, this is hard for me too since I'm being ignored."
I expected an answer like that from my xXabf....not this one.
Poor xabf!! He screwed around, he's out having fun and drinking and doing whatever and here I'm not even giving him the time of day. And, everyone should really be sorry for him. He considers my ignoring him as "drama".
I consider it as a necessary evil in order to move on with my life.
So, it was a small setback. Sometimes I feel like you have to step backwards in order to take a big leap forward.
It's too bad what my heart feels is not the reality my mind sees in front of me. I have been working on getting my 'love tank' filled through God, through my kids and animals, through my friends. Working on making myself feel fulfilled inside from within...so that I can look at him and no longer yearn for one of his big hugs.
Onward and upward
My mind goes around in circles with him. Starts with wanting a hug, then goes from there to the drinking and passing out, the lack of intimacy, the back and forth and then ultimately, the getting drunk and sleeping with a mutual friend.
Seems to need to go in that circle.
Something I heard on the radio triggered this feeling and the next thing I know I've texted him that I was still hurting over this.
His response??
Well, it wasn't I'm sorry. It wasn't I understand, I apologize, I sympathize, I feel bad this happened.
Nope.
It was, "Yes, this is hard for me too since I'm being ignored."
I expected an answer like that from my xXabf....not this one.
Poor xabf!! He screwed around, he's out having fun and drinking and doing whatever and here I'm not even giving him the time of day. And, everyone should really be sorry for him. He considers my ignoring him as "drama".
I consider it as a necessary evil in order to move on with my life.
So, it was a small setback. Sometimes I feel like you have to step backwards in order to take a big leap forward.
It's too bad what my heart feels is not the reality my mind sees in front of me. I have been working on getting my 'love tank' filled through God, through my kids and animals, through my friends. Working on making myself feel fulfilled inside from within...so that I can look at him and no longer yearn for one of his big hugs.
Onward and upward
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Originally Posted by itsmylifenow 
Well, it wasn't I'm sorry. It wasn't I understand, I apologize, I sympathize, I feel bad this happened.
Nope.
It was, "Yes, this is hard for me too since I'm being ignored."
I expected an answer like that from my xXabf....not this one.
Nope.
It was, "Yes, this is hard for me too since I'm being ignored."
I expected an answer like that from my xXabf....not this one.
I just figured that if I could just EXPLAIN myself he would understand and apologize.
That was my version of insane. I kept trying to get an apology or what I considered "rational." When I did not I fell in to the circle of it being my fault.
Finally I just got off the ride, but it took a long time.
And Presents For Pretty Girls
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
Well, I only sent one other text after that telling him that I'm not speaking to him to protect myself, not hurt anyone. And, out of curiosity, what did he expect me to do?
His answer was that we could at least acknowledge each other and be cordial and that might be a better benefit.
I went back and forth writing and erasing texts I wanted to send back. First wanting to say who the hell would it benefit?? Certainly, not me! I wanted to say how much I despise the two of them, how much it hurts to have someone who cares about you and a supposed friend betray you; there were at least 4 or 5 I wrote then deleted.
I didn't send any of them. Simply let the whole conversation drop. I opened the door...I can close it again. It's not going to solve my problem. I'm angry and I just need to find a way to get it out without getting into a never ending, nothing accomplished waste of my time conversation.
His answer was that we could at least acknowledge each other and be cordial and that might be a better benefit.
I went back and forth writing and erasing texts I wanted to send back. First wanting to say who the hell would it benefit?? Certainly, not me! I wanted to say how much I despise the two of them, how much it hurts to have someone who cares about you and a supposed friend betray you; there were at least 4 or 5 I wrote then deleted.
I didn't send any of them. Simply let the whole conversation drop. I opened the door...I can close it again. It's not going to solve my problem. I'm angry and I just need to find a way to get it out without getting into a never ending, nothing accomplished waste of my time conversation.
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