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sign of life after 4 months

Old 05-06-2014, 11:57 AM
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sign of life after 4 months

I've not posted for a while. It's been 4 months now since me and xabf split up and I've been looking after me and start counselling on Thursday and mostly doing ok. After he told to me F off in January the only contact we had was a week later when he asked for his stuff back which took place on his door handle so we didn't see each other (very childish). Anyway, not a peep since-had seen his daughter and mum who had taken over the role of trying to control his drinking and I was happy to leave that with them. Today he commented ona picture of us on holiday on facebook (he unfriended me at the time of the spilt), which is something he'd not done before we met, or gone out for meals or generally done enjoyable things. He put 'shame' and although it tugged slightly on my heart strings I have text my friend and think I have that closure I've been seeking these past few months. That comment confirms to me that yes I did mean something to him. Does that make sense to anyone here? I didn't want validation from him - now I'm arguing in my head...now I have it-I don't need it because I have worked on my own worth all this time..hmmm off to ponder that one
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Old 05-06-2014, 12:04 PM
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You don't need it. I not only unfriended my XAH, I blocked him all together on FB. I don't need his involvement.

Good for you. Closure takes time, it is working.
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Old 05-06-2014, 12:07 PM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
You don't need it. I not only unfriended my XAH, I blocked him all together on FB. I don't need his involvement.

Good for you. Closure takes time, it is working.
I agree with blocking him on fb.
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Old 05-06-2014, 12:11 PM
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might you be making a bit much out of ONE WORD posted on FB???
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Old 05-06-2014, 12:27 PM
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Yeah maybe I am. What's it to you? I thought the whole idea of this forum was to get support for our recovery in whatever form it takes. That one word is part of my recovery and that's important to me.
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Old 05-06-2014, 03:11 PM
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I think he is doing typical alcoholic manipulation. Sounds like it is working. You are fortunate you are capable of self reflection. Some do not. Blocking him is definitely an option. I hope you find the peace you deserve.
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Old 05-06-2014, 05:51 PM
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I don't think anyone is trying to criticise you here. I understand what anvilheadII means and Yes it is just one word, but it's an important one. It sort of takes the sting out of it all.

If it were me, I think I'd smile a bit too and I know exactly what you mean. I think the majority of us would. There's nothing wrong with trying to see something positively especially with your calm reaction. There's something that gives you a bit of inner peace when there's an affirmation of someone acknowledging you positively, especially if it's someone who's hurt you. Are you making too much out of it? Possibly. Does it provide a bit of closure for you regardless? Definitely.

I think everyone needs to remember that we are all at different stages of recovery and coming to terms with things. Detachment isn't about forgetting, and detachment isn't about shutting down emotion toward somebody. It's accepting something for what it is, and going back to having a life. If and when you're ready to totally let go, then blocking him might be a good start. Your choice though. Your own pace for your own peace.
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Old 05-06-2014, 06:50 PM
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Hi all,

A few posts have been removed under Rule 4. Remember that respect is essential.

If you think a post has crossed a line, please report that post by clicking on the triangle located at the bottom left of any post. If you find a member disagreeable, please do not hesitate to place them on your Ignore List.

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Hi rosie,

Personally, I think one word can speak volumes. Especially when there is a history between two people. I don't know you or your ex, but it just sounds like a 'hook' to me. Just some manipulative tactic to keep you 'on the line' so to speak.

I think the advice to block him is the simplest thing to keep him from trying to involve you in the 'dysfunction dance' again. Hang in there!
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