jacrazz

How many times have we asked or been asked that question? Its in "interesting" question, no? One thing I have learned is that we are all addicts, every single one of us in this vast universe. We are addicted to our own way of thinking...That damn "stinkin thinkin". Yet, until recently, I used to love to point the finger to the A's in my life. What we put out comes back to us. This is what im working on now. I also realized is that until we all reach emotional sobriety, we will all be stuck in the same place....WITH OR WITHOUT THE BOOZE!

BlueSkies1

I agree it's a necessary realization that we all have to take care of our own business, and focus on our own business.
Those who don't learn that seem to spin their wheels and never get anywhere, focusing on the behaviors of the drinker in their life instead of looking at their own messes, goals, achievements, lack thereof, and what they plan to do with themselves and their life.

So it seems to me you're on the right path, focusing on yourself. When we're down it doesn't come easy and we have to forge a path...like cleaning out the brambles and thorns in the way because the path isn't already clean and laid before us....

jacrazz

Thank you Blue. Im just grateful to be able to look at me and say "LOOK AT YOU"...lol. It wasnt easy and I'm still a work in progress. Its a tough pill to swallow but I OWN IT 100%. I have my down days but I know what needs to be done.

lizatola

A friend of mine in program likes to share that her teenage daughter will remind her that: if you point your finger at someone else, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you.

It's a simple reminder to stay on our side of the street. I know I have enough to do over here, I just wish it wasn't so damn hard to stay over here, LOL! I see the other side of the street and just want to wander over and start cleaning!

BlueSkies1

All we can do in this life is to pull ourselves up one notch at a time...one act at a time, one thought at a time...and consider every thought and action and ask ourselves--is it uplifting or not? Is it making me a better person, or not? Is it achieving a goal, or not?
If it's not, throw it out.
If it is--go that direction.

lillamy

You know, I hate that question, and I've made a deliberate decision to not use it with my teens -- because "What were you thinking?" is never a question. It's always an accusation. It never means "How did your thinking pattern work itself to the conclusion you drew?" -- it always means "Are you out of your cotton-picking mind, you great big halfwit?"

But to your point -- YES, we are prisoners to our own limited way of thinking. That's why therapists are so great. They can sort of point out to me that I've been walking the same damn circle in my head until I've worn a pattern in the carpet -- and that it's not necessarily the only way of thinking of a problem. "Reframing" has been HUGE for me in allowing myself to understand that sometimes, you don't need to think things over MORE -- you just need a smack on the head that gives you a different way of looking at it.

But it's frightening. I can relate to the "addiction" metaphor here. It's so comfortable to hang on to that path in the carpet that we're familiar with.

I think that's what keeps us in bad relationships, too.

jacrazz

MYOB is a foreign concept to me. Just like "take care of you" is! baby steps!!

lillamy

Me too. It's so much easier to clearly see problems from a distance, you know?

LaTeeDa

A dear friend once told me--sometimes you need someone to grab you by the shoulders and point you in a different direction so you can see something else. I know when I was with my AH, I certainly had tunnel vision.

L

jacrazz

I wish somebody had done that to me sooner....I had to figure it out on my own. Well, not really, my XABF kinda helped with his manipulation and projection. Sounds bizarre but his dysfunction made me look at my own dysfunction! It takes two to "Tango"

TryingToLearn

Jacrazz, I hear you and it's a lesson I've learned. For so long, it's been easy to get stuck on AH and all about him but I've finally realized I'm the problem in my life and now I'm working on me.