Thoughts
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 89
Thoughts Even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place. - Vonnegut
I had the urge to go for a walk when I got home. I threw on some more comfortable clothes and went down the side street next to my apartment. I didn't know where I was going but I love exploring new neighborhoods and I just moved in a couple of weeks ago. The sun was out still, the air was chilly because of the wind. I took my iPod but didn't feel like listening to music. I listened to sounds around me. At the end of the block I took a right and found some interesting ethnic restaurants to try. I noticed the flowers are starting to come up and bloom with each passing day. I got a little sad and lonely wishing I wasn't by myself, missing my XAB. We used to spend a lot of time together adventuring like this, talking about the distant future. I wished he was there so I could point out the little Scooby Do stickers on the lamppost I saw.
But here's the thing: people perceive me as being naive and childish. Not in an immature way, but innocent. I am 30. I am very introverted and shy so I'm good at being observant. I am also very nostalgic. I look at houses, usually unique and artsy, and I imagine living there or how I want to decorate my house someday. Or I'll think about how beautiful the trees look against the sky at dusk. Or how amazing nature is. And it got me thinking that maybe my ex didn't see things that way at all. Maybe what I experienced during the good times was totally different than what he experienced, like how our brains interpreted our long walks and adventures. It kind if felt freeing in a way. I am free to experience life the way I want to. Maybe it's seen as a negative thing, I'm sure that's partly why I was stuck in a toxic relationship for so long, the fantasy. But I never want to stop seeing beauty in the world. Maybe someday I will find someone who shares my quirkiness and is my equal partner instead of sometimes equal partner but mostly enemy. Summer is approaching and while part of me is sad I won't have said partner to have fun with, I now have the freedom to do what I want. I can enjoy a nice cold beer on the porch, or go out for drinks with friends/family without feeling guilty. I can discover myself and become my own best friend. I had no idea this spontaneous decision to go for a walk would be so enlightening. I will be ok. YOU will all be ok, too. Xoxo!
I had the urge to go for a walk when I got home. I threw on some more comfortable clothes and went down the side street next to my apartment. I didn't know where I was going but I love exploring new neighborhoods and I just moved in a couple of weeks ago. The sun was out still, the air was chilly because of the wind. I took my iPod but didn't feel like listening to music. I listened to sounds around me. At the end of the block I took a right and found some interesting ethnic restaurants to try. I noticed the flowers are starting to come up and bloom with each passing day. I got a little sad and lonely wishing I wasn't by myself, missing my XAB. We used to spend a lot of time together adventuring like this, talking about the distant future. I wished he was there so I could point out the little Scooby Do stickers on the lamppost I saw.
But here's the thing: people perceive me as being naive and childish. Not in an immature way, but innocent. I am 30. I am very introverted and shy so I'm good at being observant. I am also very nostalgic. I look at houses, usually unique and artsy, and I imagine living there or how I want to decorate my house someday. Or I'll think about how beautiful the trees look against the sky at dusk. Or how amazing nature is. And it got me thinking that maybe my ex didn't see things that way at all. Maybe what I experienced during the good times was totally different than what he experienced, like how our brains interpreted our long walks and adventures. It kind if felt freeing in a way. I am free to experience life the way I want to. Maybe it's seen as a negative thing, I'm sure that's partly why I was stuck in a toxic relationship for so long, the fantasy. But I never want to stop seeing beauty in the world. Maybe someday I will find someone who shares my quirkiness and is my equal partner instead of sometimes equal partner but mostly enemy. Summer is approaching and while part of me is sad I won't have said partner to have fun with, I now have the freedom to do what I want. I can enjoy a nice cold beer on the porch, or go out for drinks with friends/family without feeling guilty. I can discover myself and become my own best friend. I had no idea this spontaneous decision to go for a walk would be so enlightening. I will be ok. YOU will all be ok, too. Xoxo!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Wow, that made me feel all warm & fuzzy! Walking through new neighborhoods used to be one of my favorite things to do. I still walk a lot but we're more country here so it's not the same as Suburbia.... I miss that sometimes. I lived downtown when I was single & young & it was a never ending parade of sensory overload sometimes. But awesome. 
Rock your quirkiness, it's who you are & I think it's great!!!
Rock your quirkiness, it's who you are & I think it's great!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Beautiful!
I've always thought that Springtime was the best time of year to make difficult changes because the natural, beautiful, rebirth around us helps to keep us positive. But, Meggy my dear, I think you could have found a positive message in a mud puddle. That was special.
Thank you
I've always thought that Springtime was the best time of year to make difficult changes because the natural, beautiful, rebirth around us helps to keep us positive. But, Meggy my dear, I think you could have found a positive message in a mud puddle. That was special.
Thank you
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