amandasue

Can anyone give me examples of how their alcoholic spouses behaved after they were told you wanted out. My AH is behaving insane! One minute is willing to talk and deal, the next second is enraged and throwing things! He is stalking me and i think sneaking into my house when i am not home! Is this common? Or am i just lucky?

MissBeth

Hi,

I am just past the one month stage of a separation from my ABF. We were never married.

I experienced the same from him. One moment he was in tears begging me to come back, the next calling me a gold digger and telling me how he was going to easily find a new woman. Also being verbally abusive over the phone and manipulative in emails. Begging for sex whenever we talked.

I don't know if it's common, but it certainly happened to me.

What gets me is that we have only been apart for one month and he was unable to even PRETEND to be a normal person for that time. Even if he was just faking it, he could have been understanding and considerate and gentle etc. But he could not even do that.

In a way I guess I'm lucky. His behaviour since I left has justified me leaving 10,000 over. He's just immature, irrational and abusive. I guess that's just the damage the alcohol has done to his brain.

I wish you the best of luck with your separation. Please stay strong.

hopeful4

I am about a month and a half in. It has been crazy for him more so than me. I learned to expect his craziness and it helped me completely tune it out. He is very nice one second, the devil the next. I actually got out of bed one morning and found him taking a bath in my bathtub! Scared the crap out of me.

I can report that he has reigned it in a lot. The craziness has gotten a little better from what I can see. Now he tries to act indifferent but still sends me the little biting texts now and again. I either delete completely or just say, "Lets keep the focus on the kids."

I second what MissBeth said, if anything his behavior justifies that not only do I not like him as a drunk, I don't like him sober either and am very GLAD to have left!

I do recommend that you change your locks and either invest in a security system or on Amazon for less than $30 you can buy a security sign and stickers to make it look like you have an alarm system. Also, maybe it's time to invest in a dog? My sister and her husband are the police, they say the best deterrent to keeping someone off your property is a dog that sounds fierce.

I am sorry you are dealing with this, please know you are not alone. Keep yourself safe!

XXX

peaceofpi

Yes, they go crazy because they will be alone to deal with themselves.
Be prepared for projections ("you must be having an affair," when they are), false accusations, physical damage to property, depression, wanting to talk ("if you would only agree to marriage counseling, we could work this out"), blame ("you are ripping our family apart"), sulking, swearing in front of children, more drinking ("it's your fault I drink"), and threats and intimidation ("you'll be sorry you did this to me because I will make sure you get nothing and you will pay me child support"). Thanks to our court system, I got to live with the A for several weeks after filing for divorce. I made sure to take the child on field trips every day after school until it was bedtime so he could miss the daily tirade of hate.

Thumper

This was very similar to my experience and I was completely blind sided. He was not like that at all before I filed for divorce. It was a long long year.

Hang in there. Stay the course and keep your eye on the peace, safety, and calm at the end of the tunnel. It is there, waiting for you.

amandasue

Thanks everyone! I feel so much better because everything you have said is what he is doing!!!!

allysen

I think divorce has the potential to bring out the worst in people, as does any emotionally charged situation. I know couples who have separated and gone insane, and alcohol wasn't even a factor!

iSPAZ

I agree with the projection. Protect yourself financially. Take good care of your self.