choublak

I have these neighbors*, it's a couple (not sure if they're married or boyfriend and girlfriend) with two young kids (about kindergarten age) and the walls in these apartments are thin. Now, I normally try not to judge people based on their parenting skills, because I don't have children and it isn't my place to say anything. But I find the way this couple talks to (yells at) their kids appalling. Yeah, the kids are loud, and hyper, and sometimes a pain, but they're doing what kids do, and I hear the dad yell things like "I'm gonna punch your head in", "I'm gonna knock you the f**k out", "Stop crying or I'll put you in the trunk of the car", and things. I used to wonder why the mom was okay with him talking to her kids like that, but then I heard her yelling at them and, she's the same way. Is this just how most people talk to their kids nowadays?

Plus when I use the bathroom at night I can hear the two of them having sex. I can't say I've heard them fighting with each other though.

*Not the crazy lady who wanted me to cook with her. She moved away and then this family moved in.

MakingMeHappy

I don't think that is how most parents talk to their kids but unfortunately some do. I think that they are emotionally abusing their children. I have a pair of neighbors who argue all the time in front of their children using foul language. It makes me cringe. I even overheard the father tell the young boy that he was a "p*ssy" one day when the boy apparently had trouble at karate practice. It is awful that some children are treated this way by the people who should be providing for all of their needs and modeling for them how to treat others. I have considered calling CPS on them. I probably would on your neighbors since they are directly threatening their children. I'm not sure what CPS would do with the information though.

Mango blast

It's verbal abuse. It's horrible and it is wrong. Parents who abuse often grew up being abused. It's a good thing to call and report -- the cycle needs to be stopped somewhere. If nothing comes of it immediately, at least it'll be on record and could help for any future problems. Also important: the kids will know there was somebody who cared enough to call.

https://www.childwelfare.gov/responding/reporting.cfm
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline | Childhelp

choublak

Yeah but what if the neighbors "figure out" it was me who called and come knocking at my door? I don't want that either.

FeelingGreat

I've found the ones who yell and swear the most often have the least control over their children. Screaming at your kids is not just foul; it doesn't work.

Stung

How would they figure it out, are you their only neighbor?

I agree, it's verbal abuse and there definitely are other parents who talk to their kids like that. One of my friend's mom used to threaten to lock her in a closet when she was a kid. My jaw hit the floor when she told me that.

choublak

Not their only neighbor per se, but the only neighbor they share a vent with. They live in the unit downstairs from me. I also have neighbors that live beside me, but I can't hear them because we don't share a vent.

JustAGirl1971

They won't know you called unless you tell them or otherwise give it away. CPS/DFS/(whatever name the agency uses) protects the anonymity of informants. If they share walls with other neighbors, those neighbors will have heard the same threats and verbal abuse. Heck, if they talk that way at home, they've probably threatened their kids in other environments/around other people, too. It's worth calling, in my opinion.

That said, it's unlikely much will be done about it. A report will be filed, the kids interviewed (usually at school away from the parents), and the parents may be ordered to take classes or counseling but unless there are signs of physical abuse or past reports, chances are not much else will be done. The benefit is that that's one report filed so when the next one is filed, that's one step closer to real action. JMHO.

wanttobehealthy

Call child protective services. Report anonymously. For all the parents will know the kids reported the abuse at school, to a friend etc... If they are yelling at their kids at home like that they obviously are behaving badly toward their kids in other environments too.

I was abused as a kid and neighbors knew it and didn't step in bc they feared my moms retaliation. And my adult life has been negatively impacted bc of the trauma I grew up experiencing, believing eventually that I deserved it and it was my fault.

Adults who know that kids are being mistreated have a moral, if not legal, obligation to try and help-- at least that is what I think.

I'm terrified of retaliatory behavior by my xAH but it's not going to stop me from reporting his abusive behavior toward our kids.

I can't tell you what to do but I hope for those kids sake you will consider calling child protective services on their behalf.

The kids have no voice and no way to protect themselves.

Florence

You need to decide whether it's more worthwhile to be left alone knowing small children are being abused or to take the risk of being inconvenienced by an abuser's feelings and potentially save the kids' lives.

hopeful4

It is hard telling what the kids are going through that you don't see. Please call.

honeypig

What is that saying about how the right thing and the hard thing are often the same?

The kids have no one to protect them unless someone speaks up. For all you know, there have already been reports of abuse and your call could be the one that tips the balance and gets those kids out of harm's way.

Either way, I agree w/other posters that you need to report this.

PaperDolls

I agree. Call child protective services. No one deserved to be threatened with physical violence. It's abuse.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I thought something was going on and I didn't call and then something horrible happened.