hopeful4

This is a life experience. You would not have your sweet boys without it. In life we live, we learn, and above all else we have to take care of ourselves. You have tons of happiness in front of you my friend!

LightInside

Someone you love DID die. That's the way I see it. It's hard because a demon is wearing his body now. That is what I repeatedly told myself. I wrote all kinds of stuff in dry erase markers on my bathroom mirror. One of them was, "The person you love and miss is dead." I made 4 pages (4x5.5") of why I DON'T want X and taped then on my kitchen cabinet doors. I wallowed when possible. I don't recommend this, but I got blitzed a few times while my son was with his dad. That helped me to wallow. I reached out f2f & online to people who'd been through it already. I limited my wallowing time. I punched and kicked our old mattress that we conceived or son on. When I still lived at the family house, I threw his liquor bottles against the wall in the garage (They don't break that easily, so you can throw them several times before
they shatter ).

May I suggest that you read any of the threads started by women whose AX's dumped them or cheated? Probably applicable. I still feel like I'm being cheated on when I see my X flirting or think he's seeing someone. Check out threads by Lifeishard and Iamfreenow14. Maybe even a thread or two that I started?

Also, I needed to go on antidepressants. Not everyone does, but I'm glad I did. I was wanting to die and harm myself though.

Hugs. <3

Oh, also pray and trust your HP if that is part of your belief system. And Al Anon if you feel it helps.

LightInside

Another thing: It ebbs and flows - the sadness, the anger, the grief. As long as the overall trend is improvement, you are doing fine. I wish patience for you. It takes a lot of patience.

EmmyG

LightInside - Wow, thanks for the detailed/honest post! That's really helpful. It was so crazy how upset I got yesterday - I don't think I've EVER cried that hard. I had no control over it. My mom had the boys last night so I took AH's bank card and bought an expensive bottle of wine, drank like 2 1/2 glasses and that was good enough. I've been commiserating with my cousin, his wife is in/out of psychiatric hospital. They lost their house and he's living at home with his parents and his 5-year-old daughter. He said "Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself right now." That's what I'm trying to do. I am going to make a real effort to not isolate myself because that's the last thing the boys need. I'm planning a trip to go visit relatives I haven't seen in awhile, and I'm going to drive the boys through my hometown on our way there. I just have to keep moving and cry when I need to. Thanks SO MUCH for the support - what would I do without SR? I am looking forward to the day I can tell someone new to this board how great I'm doing : )

martina12

Hi Emmy I joined this board last summer in total desperation because my AH had walked out on me the children. I was totally devastated and couldn't stop crying on a daily basis. Well, Im still here but want to tell you it took me months and months of grieving but I really feel that the worst is over

I think we all find different ways to cope in our own way..trust yourself you will find your way through this I promise! I rang the rehab centre that XAH attended as they had a support programme for families. They were absolutely fantastic and I got into counselling and a group support programme straightaway. I also started to find out a heck of lot about alcoholism and I found this wonderful site. I did find increasing solace in wine in the evenings but have put a stop to that and I think that has really propelled me to recovering from the dreadful events of last year. I felt a lot of anger after the initial few months of crying and read that the anger is a completely normal part of grieving. I have finally accepted that XAH has gone for good and I am now so glad! Im not interested in dating just yet but that maybe something for the future.

I can now say that I couldn't give a damn who XAH is dating....poor woman is all I can say!

The most important thing for me was keeping going for the sake of my children. Making sure we are ok is my top priority.

Its a horrible thing to have to go through but you will come through this...just hang in there when grief strikes and let yourself cry and heal.

LightInside

<3