Checking In................
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Checking In................
Hello Friends,
My vacation with hubby was wonderful. We got along very well and had lots of fun and his drinking was moderate. We visited beautiful lands and saw new things. I am grateful for this time.
Back to real life is a bit tough. This week I had a melt down. Hubby planned to drive to Atlantic City to meet his brother and go gambling. I hate gambling, hubby loves it, but he does keep it moderate - no big losses. But I was against the trip, because any money wasted seems wrong. It was his money, he had taken out of his retirement account for our vacation. I was fairly calm about this trip until I remembered that he planned to drive the car that does not have a spare tire. I just flipped out screaming. It was awful and I upset him with all I said. Back to the old me. When he said he wouldn't go, I got myself back together and begged him to go as he had planned. Yep, crazy for sure. But I didn't want him changing his plans because of my melt down. I could see that I was a bit crazy and trying to control him. Long and short of it, he did go on the trip and had an ok time I think.
Part of what prompted the melt down was the having to face the balance in the college fund. I had to take money out to pay for the first year of my daughter's college and face the fact that there may not be enough to pay for the 4+ years for both her and my son. I get so scard and panic filled when I face my financial deamons. And of course I blame it on hubby who has been out of work for 8 of the past 10 years. So where and when do I get relief?
I know I need to focus on what I can do. I know I can cut my spending, cut out movies, pizza, cable TV. But I resist making these changes because I cannot accept that I need to cut these things because he will not work. This is my own personal merry go round. Also let me say that I have money struggles all my life, way before I met hubby and way before he lost his job of 21 years. So I know the issue is with me. So you know what I want to do tonight? Yep, go shopping for new pants. The crazyness is just amazing. I can rationalize how I need these new pants etc. I really am open to letting go of this struggle. God please help me be willing to let go of this madness.
I feel like I am stalled in my Alanon journey. Like I need to be doing something else to move forward. Maybe it is time to choose a sponser and really get started.
Last night when I got home, hubby had dinner ready as he always does. I sit in front of the TV and watch a movie. He starts making comments - angry comments about the movie. Yes he has been drinking beer for a few hours. It is so hard to be with someone when they are venting anger even in just this mild way. It is hard, especially at the end of the day, to keep your spirits up and not feel discouraged, and then this anger is floating around the room. I decided to go to the store just to get out of the house, but then ended up calling a friend instead.
Anyway this is getting too long, just wanted to check in with my friends here. Thanks for listening.
My vacation with hubby was wonderful. We got along very well and had lots of fun and his drinking was moderate. We visited beautiful lands and saw new things. I am grateful for this time.
Back to real life is a bit tough. This week I had a melt down. Hubby planned to drive to Atlantic City to meet his brother and go gambling. I hate gambling, hubby loves it, but he does keep it moderate - no big losses. But I was against the trip, because any money wasted seems wrong. It was his money, he had taken out of his retirement account for our vacation. I was fairly calm about this trip until I remembered that he planned to drive the car that does not have a spare tire. I just flipped out screaming. It was awful and I upset him with all I said. Back to the old me. When he said he wouldn't go, I got myself back together and begged him to go as he had planned. Yep, crazy for sure. But I didn't want him changing his plans because of my melt down. I could see that I was a bit crazy and trying to control him. Long and short of it, he did go on the trip and had an ok time I think.
Part of what prompted the melt down was the having to face the balance in the college fund. I had to take money out to pay for the first year of my daughter's college and face the fact that there may not be enough to pay for the 4+ years for both her and my son. I get so scard and panic filled when I face my financial deamons. And of course I blame it on hubby who has been out of work for 8 of the past 10 years. So where and when do I get relief?
I know I need to focus on what I can do. I know I can cut my spending, cut out movies, pizza, cable TV. But I resist making these changes because I cannot accept that I need to cut these things because he will not work. This is my own personal merry go round. Also let me say that I have money struggles all my life, way before I met hubby and way before he lost his job of 21 years. So I know the issue is with me. So you know what I want to do tonight? Yep, go shopping for new pants. The crazyness is just amazing. I can rationalize how I need these new pants etc. I really am open to letting go of this struggle. God please help me be willing to let go of this madness.
I feel like I am stalled in my Alanon journey. Like I need to be doing something else to move forward. Maybe it is time to choose a sponser and really get started.
Last night when I got home, hubby had dinner ready as he always does. I sit in front of the TV and watch a movie. He starts making comments - angry comments about the movie. Yes he has been drinking beer for a few hours. It is so hard to be with someone when they are venting anger even in just this mild way. It is hard, especially at the end of the day, to keep your spirits up and not feel discouraged, and then this anger is floating around the room. I decided to go to the store just to get out of the house, but then ended up calling a friend instead.
Anyway this is getting too long, just wanted to check in with my friends here. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Rose!
I'm glad you had a good time on your vacation. What cool stuff did you see?
And... um... the notion that the retirement account of a man ... your legal spouse... who has not contributed to the income of your household in any significant way for 8 years is "his" money is beyond me. What's his is his and what's yours is everybody's????
Got a sponsor scoped out
??? Sounds like you're ready to get to work!
Hugs!
Smoke
I'm glad you had a good time on your vacation. What cool stuff did you see?
And... um... the notion that the retirement account of a man ... your legal spouse... who has not contributed to the income of your household in any significant way for 8 years is "his" money is beyond me. What's his is his and what's yours is everybody's????
Got a sponsor scoped out
??? Sounds like you're ready to get to work!Hugs!
Smoke
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Hey, we went to Jamaica and Mexico and they were both beautiful. Jamaica was so mountainous and lush. We hiked up a 900 ft waterfalls, in the water, with water spraying all over and the ocean in the background. The ocean in Mexico is so clear that we could see the bottom from the rail of the cruise ship, at least 30-50 ft deep. The water is so green and bright and the beaches are so white and wide with cliffs overlooking them. In Mexico we went to see the Mayan Ruins of Tulum. Grey rock structures, temples and living areas on a hill with the beach and ocean just beyond them. So beautiful and cool to think that people built these structures 3K years ago. I would go back to visit either of these places in a minute, we only had one day for each and I would have like to stay longer. Just to gaze at the mountains of Jamiaca with the waterfalls making such a beautiful melody.............
I know the retirement thing sounds silly, but he did spend most of that money taking us on our 20th anniversary cruise, I don't begrudge him the amount he wanted to "play" with.
Yes, time for a sponser. I have one scoped out and just need the courage to call. I will....................
I know the retirement thing sounds silly, but he did spend most of that money taking us on our 20th anniversary cruise, I don't begrudge him the amount he wanted to "play" with.
Yes, time for a sponser. I have one scoped out and just need the courage to call. I will....................
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Rose!!!
Welcome back. When I get in those funky places, someone usually reminds me to look for things to be grateful for. I was in a funk this weekend, and today I feel a lot better. One day at a time, together we get better. Hugs, Magic
Welcome back. When I get in those funky places, someone usually reminds me to look for things to be grateful for. I was in a funk this weekend, and today I feel a lot better. One day at a time, together we get better. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Hello Rose,
Your vacation sounded like heaven on earth!!! What awsome places. So glad that you and your husband were able to go. Quality time between husband and wife is what alot of us are lacking. As for the money situation I saw a program...Opra actually. This guy was on helping couples and their money problems. We must pay ourselves first and save for the future.Cutting back on even the smallest expense daily we can beable to pay off those bills sooner.I worry so much about our financial situation.I have been cutting back on how much I spend on food for my breaks and lunch at work. It may sound silly for me to be cutting back but hey....I need to loose weight anyway LOL. Take care and it is great to hear from you!!
Hugs and Prayers,
matters
Your vacation sounded like heaven on earth!!! What awsome places. So glad that you and your husband were able to go. Quality time between husband and wife is what alot of us are lacking. As for the money situation I saw a program...Opra actually. This guy was on helping couples and their money problems. We must pay ourselves first and save for the future.Cutting back on even the smallest expense daily we can beable to pay off those bills sooner.I worry so much about our financial situation.I have been cutting back on how much I spend on food for my breaks and lunch at work. It may sound silly for me to be cutting back but hey....I need to loose weight anyway LOL. Take care and it is great to hear from you!!
Hugs and Prayers,
matters
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Well, all I can say is I am glad you had a wonderful vacation!
To bad vacations are like 12 step round-ups, we have to come home to ourselves again.
I too can get in the bread line real quickly. Then my program gets kicked in and I start working it like my life depends on it. Of course my life today does and I know it in my head but in my heart is another story. What works for me is the reminder that a H.P. has always been there to look after me and will continue too. I hope that works for you.
Glad to hear from you.
To bad vacations are like 12 step round-ups, we have to come home to ourselves again.
I too can get in the bread line real quickly. Then my program gets kicked in and I start working it like my life depends on it. Of course my life today does and I know it in my head but in my heart is another story. What works for me is the reminder that a H.P. has always been there to look after me and will continue too. I hope that works for you.
Glad to hear from you.
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Rose,
I'm glad you and hubby had a nice vacation.
About your kids' college fund...I know you want to pay for both of them and don't want them to have to worry about getting jobs or school loans. You must be a whole lot better at money management than you give yourself credit for if you've been able to put away almost enough for the two of them to go 4+ years to college just using your salary. You know, it would not be a horrible thing if they had to take out a loan for one year or get a job to help out. I worked during most of my college years and took out a loan the last year and things worked out just fine. I just hate to see you killing yourself financially with no help from hubby.
Ok, I'm off my soapbox now!
Hugs,
JG
I'm glad you and hubby had a nice vacation.
About your kids' college fund...I know you want to pay for both of them and don't want them to have to worry about getting jobs or school loans. You must be a whole lot better at money management than you give yourself credit for if you've been able to put away almost enough for the two of them to go 4+ years to college just using your salary. You know, it would not be a horrible thing if they had to take out a loan for one year or get a job to help out. I worked during most of my college years and took out a loan the last year and things worked out just fine. I just hate to see you killing yourself financially with no help from hubby.
Ok, I'm off my soapbox now!
Hugs,
JG
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