firebolt

I've had a long hard few weeks. Super busy at work, plus organizing a non profit event, and then actually having the event this last Saturday (it was a sucess BTW). I needed to cut loose and just CHILL, so a girlfriend and I took off Saturday night after the event, and headed to a small mountain town about an hour and a half away where we know NO ONE, just to get away, have a nice dinner, and soak in a hot spring.

We got a sweet hotel room, and had a lovely steak dinner at decent restaurant. We were exhausted after dinner, but decided to go have a "couple" and play some pool.

I don't know what happened, but a "couple" turned into Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee party night circa 1989. I haven't done that in YEARS! We had a blast - I kicked butt like a pro playing pool, we blasted the jukebox, and we had a whole town of local bar regulars following us from watering hole to watering hole. We sang and danced, played shuffleboard, fussball, took shots with bartenders, and canadians, and locals, bought cheesy bar baseball caps, and brought a party back to our hotel room.

We got 3 hours of sleep and started piecing together the bits from the night before...including wondering who took the great photos(and by great I mean horrible bar photos) of us with my phone...finding a cupcake wrapper in the bath tub, and searching for our keys, i.d.s, debit cards etc.

I don't drink much anymore - for obvious reasons. I am watching alcohol destroy the lives of some people I love - and seriously negatively affecting my own....BUT - we had a blast - like epic night, ridiculous, reverted to 21 year old rockstar brain type of blast!

Yesterday, I was sick as a dog. Lightheaded, thumping headache...a fiery pit of unholy hell raging in my esophagus, and finding its way out both ends - sorry, TMI i know, but I'm gunning for a point here...cold sweats, lungs i could barely manage to suck air through from smoking, sore and bruised (no idea there) ...you get the idea. And today - 2 days later, i'm still umm off. Yeah - 2 day hangover. Well done, Firebolt.

Anywho - through this misery, I can't help but ponder the paradox of alcoholism. People often drink to sniffle pain...knowing that drinking will cause them pain - this hellish pain I've felt for 2 days.

I cannot imagine a compulsion so strong to make me want to do this to myself every other day, every few days, or even once a week or once a month. I was certain I was on the brink of death yesterday...and without being able to completely collect factual data on the actual amount I drank, I could guess it was about a 1/3rd to 1/2 of what ABF was drinking daily in his hey day.

Hes been drinking lately - and I've been detaching. Thats working for me right now...but yesterday and today, I just might feel an ounce of compassion (even that weird detachment with love thing) for someone who cant deal with pain to the extent that he will make himself feel like THIS, to get rid of the other kind of pain. That would suck...big time...but yeah, I'm still not going home to watch him do it tonight

Thanks for letting me ramble, and be a sad sack, in here of all places about being hung over.

hopeful4

I am glad your event was a success and that you had a fun getaway! Everyone deserves fun in their lives!

I agree with you, I cannot imagine it either. However, it is the instant gratification thing, you want it now and don't deal with the consequences until later. One thing I will say is that most people have that need, it just does not turn into full blown addiction for many. I get stressed and want chocolate. My husband, beer. It's the same thing, it is just that I can control how much chocolate I eat and if I overindulge, I am really only hurting myself. It won't put me in jail or make me crash a car, etc.

Glad you can detatch and focus on YOU!

Florence

The best description of addiction I've heard is the compulsion to use despite catastrophic consequences. That despite TERRIBLE life consequences, putting on the brakes is nearly impossible, even if they want to.

I guess some As do figure it out.

But you're right. A bad hangover is one thing. Imagine looking at losing your home, your kids, your job, your freedom, and still being unable to stop.

Sungrl

I don't even know if alcoholics get hangovers. Mine never did, or if he was feeling poorly, the drinking started again the second he woke up. he didn't have time to be hungover. Just always drunk.

lillamy

You know... I think part of detaching is to reclaim your own right to your own life.
Partying like Nikki Sixx might not be the healthiest way of doing it if you make it a habit -- but I know after my separation, I kind of felt like going out partying because it was something I hadn't been able to do for 20 years. Now, with a bunch of kids clinging to me and being "of a certain age," it wasn't too hard to resist the urge -- but hey, I understand the inclination...

hopeful4

My AH always said it was sinus problems, the mold in the air, head cold...anything but a hangover! LOL! If you have a headcold for 10 years you should most likey see someone about that....ha!

firebolt

Lillamy - I know - I used to love having an actual couple of beers with friends (not like the "couple" on Saturday.) Now - it just is so off putting to me (usually.) And then when I'm around people who have been drinking (problem drinkers or not) I feel like I get all self righteous and just roll my eyes at them once they get buzzed, which is SO not fair.

I hate to be someone that projects the negativity from that aspect of my life onto people who enjoy themselves that way from time to time. And with my epic Saturday night, and all the fun I had, it makes me feel so hypocritical at all those eyerolls that I'm guilty of at home and other wise. Ugg. I kicked my own butt this weekend in more ways than one!

Hopeful - HAHA! - oh yeah, the most recent one I heard was "i'm just tired and that's why i'm out of it"

yeah...tired.

FireSprite

On Saturday night our new neighbors had all their friends over & had a loud firepit going in their backyard until the wee hours. I'll admit, it made me nostalgic at first..... I can't count the dozens upon dozens of weekends & holidays that we all sat around our firepit & all of our musician friends played acoustic jams & we all sang along until we were hoarse. I miss that sometimes.

But then Sunday morning rolled around & while we were being productive & enjoying the beautiful weather I noticed the complete silence from the house next door. And I remembered all too well those days - losing entire days to the hangover feeling, considering it an accomplishment to hold down food, trying to deal with kids when you feel like crapola, waking up & having people all over my house (most stayed overnight to avoid DUI) & having to wait for them all to clear out so I could get on with my own life.

Yeah, not missing it so much any more.

OT - but if you haven't read Nikki Sixx's autobiography yet, it's a pretty interesting read!!

redatlanta

I basically quit drinking when RAH and I moved in. I am trying to remember the last time I had a drink - it was in September last year at an party.

I miss the camaraderie of meeting friends and just chilling back and having some drinks and the giggles that came along with it. .

I don't miss the hangovers. I always got one - 2 drinks and I felt it the next day. More drinks than 2 and it was hell the next day. I don't miss that one bit.

Hammer

We know the ending . . . .

lillamy

There is such a think as moderate responsible alcohol consumption for people who are not addicted to alcohol. I think we twist our brains into pretzels trying to handle this damn substance after we've seen the damage it can cause.

I, too, used to go out with friends and have one drink (poor college students couldn't afford much more!). These days, any such conversation seems to happen more at Starbucks than at the bar... I don't miss drinking, but it does bother me that I often can't have a glass of wine like I can have a double chocolate frappuccino without arguing with myself over the significance of it.

readerbaby71

Nikki Sixx has an autobiography?! Thank you for that information.

littlefish

Well, for me there was never the plan to nearly kill myself with the severe physical consequences. There was always the plan that the drinking would be moderate and I would never get into any trouble. I think most alcoholics do have that positive hope, that it will not result in disaster.
Memories of all the awful hangovers were always banished from the mind, (selective memory), fueled by the delusional thinking that it would be just fine. This time.

firebolt

Thanks for the insight, littlefish!

I don't think I will forget how I felt yesterday...ok...well...history tends to repeat itself and it might be a safe bet that in a year or so I will have forgotten, and will go out and do it all over again


HAMMER - that pic is hillarious....AND that movie (and ending) came up more than once on Saturday night!

HopefulinFLA

Lmao firebolt! Sounds like you have a story line for The Hangover 3!

Hope you're feeling better.

firebolt

Haha - i am feeling much better from the self inflicted umm Montezuma's Revenge. thanks!

Not to glorify acting like a couple of animals for a night, but it was fun and we really should write a story about it! Only thing missing were strippers, a circus monkey and a couple of awful butt tattoos

Maybe next year...