Rewired

I was looking for advice. I have been sober over two years. But I can relate to so much of what you say about your spouses that I come here everyday to read. I have filed for divorce. He has a girlfriend and goes out probably 4-5 nights a week. I just sometimes want to explode. I asked him about custody of the kids and he said he wasn't sure he hasn't figured it out financially yet. Not that he wants them more but how much it will cost them. How do you not react. Most times I can not say anything but some days I want to explode. He blames me for everything. Yes I drank for five years and yes it hurt him terribly. I drank to cope which is not an excuse just the truth. We have not lived in the same bedroom for two years now which is fine with me. It's just his utter lack of respect for the kids and me by just going out. The kids quit asking where he is. I need to just enjoy my kids and mostly I do but some days it eats away at me. My lawyer thinks I will get custody but the not knowing for sure eats away at me. Part of the reason I drank is my mind goes non-stop and I am working on different coping skills. I know I won't drink but I am afraid my anxiety will takeover and I don't want that. Thankfully I have no desire to drink I now it solves nothing only makes things 10 times worse. He has been always emotionally abusive I could do nothing right. How do you handle living with your spouse when you are divorcing and know its not going to be very nice at all. Thanks.

KateL

I couldn't do it. I had to move out and found myself a little flat because he refused to budge. I enjoyed my time there in the end, it was very girly. I hope it works out for you xxxxx

spiderqueen

I can't offer advice about this; I couldn't do it either, and my XH moved out after a few weeks. It was actually much better this way - we could be with our children on our own terms, and theirs, without the baggage of the failed relationship always getting in the way.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. And a big congratulations on 2 years sober. That is fantastic.

Rewired

It probably would be best if one of us moved out. He is just so
Angry I wrecked his life according to him. Right now I just want what is best for the kids. When I filed he said I disappointed him once again because I didn't tell him he was going to be served. Yet he asked me several time when I was going to do it. He spent two nights away from home without even telling the kids. Honestly he scares me not physically but emotionally. He can be very passive aggressive sometimes they are the worst. I will talk to my lawyer tomorrow about how to handle this. I need to get looking into the future hard as it may be.