PippiLngstockng

I can run marathons, I can scale tall cliffs. Been at those antics for the better part of my almost 5 decades on this good earth.

I learned to downhill ski, and to road bike at high speed in the Alps.

What I couldn't do until recently was swim. I am afraid of the water. I avoid getting my face wet. Strong on land, I battled the water as though only by using all my force might I possibly survive its shadowy depths.

When I threw Xah out of the house 18 months for his scary behavior and binge drinking, I started taking freestyle lessons. I put my face in the water and submerged myself in everything I must overcome. I solicited all my previous experiences, knowledge and strengths to aid me. I barely swam 15 feet before I had to catch my breathe and find the mud under my feet. Then I tried another 15.

18 months later, I amazingly have still!!! a long.way.to.go. I thought I'd have arrived by now.

Objective: Ironman.

I swim with a team of ironmen athletes. They were enormous when I first met them three years ago. They keep getting - stronger. Their pecs are ridiculous.

Last night I met them for swim training and we only had one lane reserved. We have always had two. One of the pool staff came over and told me I have to be on the team to swim in their lane. I am on the team!!! I can probably run a mile twice as fast as that broad-backed swim snob. No matter. I got out of the pool and headed to the women's wc, where I loudly bawled my eyes out.

Then I put on my goggles and jumped back in.

I am 48 years old. I have a fine education, I'm raising four fabulous children, I've skills and experience that I developed over half a lifetime which benefited my former situation. I was a runner and a rock climber. I had the strength and expertise to do well in those domains.

I didn't know that I would be alone with my children in a foreign land and need to go back to paid employment. I have to figure out so much about the changed world and workforce and who I can and want to be in circumstances I didn't foresee.

To learn to swim, I have to stop using my legs like a runner and I can't throw my head out of the water and gasp for air in a panic. I have to learn what swimming is. A sport of sensation, dependent on developing a feel for the water and muscles and respiration strategies and habits that allow for efficiency, stability, and eventually grace.

At the unemployment office this morning, I was a debutant swimmer. I don't know this realm and my previous employment skills won't necessary benefit me in this fishy sea. I like the novelty of the attire and setting, and I like to learn new things. And I can accept looking foolish in front of the world until I learn how to swim like they do.

I just want to believe that I can do my Ironman someday soon enough. And earn some pennies for my team at home.

It's like reading a book and not being able to bare the suspense. I want to skip ahead to the end and make sure everything turns out okay before commiting myself to these painful chapters in the middle of a difficult drama.

God doesn't let us skip ahead, though. God requires...Faith!

for being (virtually) with me on this journey!

JustAGirl1971

What a beautiful post, Pippi! No doubt you and your children will be fine. You are quite the fighter

PS: This is so much me. I'm just trying to avoid the skipping ahead and focus on the good things that are in the here and now (even when they feel like they are few and far between.)

Thank you, Pippi

Florence

There's something in my eye. Yeah. Something definitely in my eye.

SparkleKitty

Swimming? My friend, you're learning to FLY!

Hammer

SUPER!


And faith does not leave much room for fear.

Hey, it is a fun ride-along.

You Go Girl.

gonna need to start some Team Pippi Sportswear or something . . .

MissFixit

Pippi,

I have many friends who have worked abroad in entry level types of positions. Most got the gigs based on connections, but their ability to speak English, the native language and be convivial were the only real skills required. You appear to have all three.

All high end hotels require English from their employees who deal with the public. Even the three stars that I stay in hire people who know English well. They have to be friendly and knowledgeable of the area and speak well. You have that! Working in the tourist industry can be fun. You meet new and exciting people and the difficult people are not there too long. You could really flourish in a front desk role or concierge role and make connections. It doesn't have to be forever, but it might be a place to start.

Other English speaking options: Tour guide, tutor (for kids or adults), hostess, retail store, if you are open to starting somewhere, you don't have to stay there for forever, but you up the chances of getting something better.

You can do it.

lillamy

Your post gave me goosebumps.
Really.
I love it.
You are going to be OK. More than OK. You are going to be great.

Know what motivated me to start working towards leaving AXH? I trained for, and finished, my first triathlon. Once I realized I could do that, I knew there was nothing I couldn't do.

Just keep swimming!

DMC

Ha! That is so beautiful - and funny... because I did the exact same thing when XAH and I separated. Well, I didn't decide to do an Ironman (that's my sister), but I am a marathoner, and figured it was high time to learn to actually swim, crawl-style, rather than just thrash around in the pool. So I spent the summer taking lessons. I still suck at it, I hate not being able to breathe, but I did a sprint tri at the end of the summer.

I didn't like it enough to really stick with it, but I know the basics now, and at least know how to do it.

You've totally got this. And we've got your back.

hopeful4

Love Love Love your determination and good attitude! YOUR CAN DO IT!!!!

Have a blessed day!

ShootingStar1

WOW PIPPI!!!!!

Way to go!

I think we start out to find out who we are at the core when we are life challenged like this. And then, we begin to understand that who we are at the core - our determination, good will, humility, persistence, commitment to survival and thrival -transcends the circumstances in which we originally found it. And then we have it available for greater and great parts of our lives.

You go girl!!!! You are showing all of us, guys and girls, a life trajectory that is inspiring.

ShootingStar1

theuncertainty

(Even more so than your namesake. ) Thank you for your post, Pippi.

Stung

There is nothing that you cannot accomplish, Pippi. Keep swimming!

Ifnotforgrace

!


That's what Faith is - we skip ahead and know that everything IS going to be ok.

That's the part God reveals. The details in the middle I suppose He figures are not all that necessary when we know we have a HP to love & guide us.

See the sign below....

honeypig

I seem to remember this saying, maybe not exact, but close enough: Faith is like driving at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.

As someone who always wants to know the outcome before making any commitment myself, I understand that part of your post. As someone who also recently learned to swim with my face in the water, I understand that part, too!

Good for you.