Katchie

I have visited with a lawyer friend by phone today and will be trying to get with him tomorrow over coffee to talk about the ins and outs of a legal separation vs divorce. This is not to say that is what Im about to do, this is just a fact finding mission in the event I have to do something. I just don't want to wait until I need the info pronto, but don't have it.

In the course of our 15 minute conversation, he tells me that my state is not alimony friendly anymore. My state will allow alimony so that a spouse who isn't or hasn't been the bread winner, such as myself as a stay-at-home mom, can go back to school to get a degree and sustain herself. That's all good and well.. but...

So, my question is to those of you who have been home raising a family and had to leave your marriage, how did you reinvent yourself? That is exactly what I see this as -- a reinvention of the self.

spiderqueen

Hi katchie,
My ex husband (not an A) left me abruptly after 15 years of marriage. I had been a busy (and very fulfilled!) stay at home mom.

He is supposed to pay spousal support, but doesn't. In fact, he hasn't given my child support for over a year, either. (He is destitute now, and you can't get blood from a stone.)

Anyway, I did have to jump back into the workforce, and am still reinventing myself. In my case, I had a college degree, and I am a strong writer, project person and admin/organizer by nature. I started my job search with people I knew the best, including the director of my daughters' school who knew me as a tireless and reliable volunteer. I talked to all my women friends who were employed for ideas. I dusted off my resume, and worked in my time on the school board and other volunteer work to fill in the years. (I also learned to take all dates off the resume, so it didn't look like there was a gap.)

I have considered re-schooling, or going for some kind of certification such as paralegal, or occupational therapy.

Sit down and make a list of your strengths, interests, contacts and just brainstorm like mad. Picture yourself in the work world, and what kind of job environment you would flourish in. If your kids are still relatively young, you may want to consider a career in education to match up with their schedules, and to be with other people who have children as a priority.

My kids are older, but they still come first, and I need to work somewhere flexible enough to understand this.

I hope this helps! It can be a very empowering experience, to realize you can support yourself when you have to.

Rosiepetal

Hi
I separated 7 years ago & was a stay at home Mum.
I had a 3 & 6 year old.
Within 7 months I was back on my feet, running my household & working part time.
I went on to advance in my job & move around areas & got experience in different fields.
Stayed there for 5 years & then switched jobs when another position was offered to me by another company which was also school friendly hours.
I am going through a difficult period emotionally & financially at the moment as my XH is now taking me to court for joint custody.
Money is very tight & my children are very sporty & academic so funds mainly go on them.
I reinvented myself. I couldn't meet the gymnastics fees so I approached the club & they offered me admin work in return for credits on the gym account. It will never cover it all but every little bit helps.
I reinvented myself. My daughter was selected to represent my country in sport & travel internationally this year. The cost is $5000. We have had garage sales, public displays, athons, approached local businesses & councils, my daughter has a once a week cleaning job etc etc & together we've raised almost half the amount we need.
We can do it.
It is hard work & we do have to go without treats sometimes but we set goals & stick to them & achieve results.
Hope this helps.
PS: Solo Mums rock lol