Spinning my Wheels
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 339
Spinning my Wheels
Just when it looks like I'm clearly heading down one path, there's that fork in the road. A family member of AH was in an accident 2 wks before Christmas. AH and I were talking more bc of the situation and he decided to fly up here to visit his relatives, me and the girls.
I was pretty nervous but the visit went well. He was sober, interacted with the kids, brought them gifts, spent time with extended family. I'm actually amazed and shocked at the changes I saw in him. He's like a new person. Its confusing bc he was a MESS when we left this summer. Seeing him at Christmas you would never suspect a problem.
So i should be happy right? I'm finding that massive amounts of anger are surfacing in me. I'm remembering all kinds of things I stuffed down pretty deep. Here I was ready to file divorce. He wants me to move back down when I'm ready, do counseling and try to reconcile. I feel crazy for even entertaining this possibility. But there's that glimmer of hope.
So emotionally I feel like I'm spinning in circles. I've decided to stay put for now, kids are in school, I signed a lease, I'm enjoying the peace. I'm going to al anon, started yoga, talking to T about my anger. I'm taking a wait and see approach. Is this new sober guy for real? I guess time will tell. We talk quite a bit more now but I find I don't bring up our issues. Not bc I'm worried about his reaction but bc I'm sick to death of talking about it with him right now. It seems all we did for a year or more was talk about alcohol related issues.
This got much longer than intended. Wow.
I was pretty nervous but the visit went well. He was sober, interacted with the kids, brought them gifts, spent time with extended family. I'm actually amazed and shocked at the changes I saw in him. He's like a new person. Its confusing bc he was a MESS when we left this summer. Seeing him at Christmas you would never suspect a problem.
So i should be happy right? I'm finding that massive amounts of anger are surfacing in me. I'm remembering all kinds of things I stuffed down pretty deep. Here I was ready to file divorce. He wants me to move back down when I'm ready, do counseling and try to reconcile. I feel crazy for even entertaining this possibility. But there's that glimmer of hope.
So emotionally I feel like I'm spinning in circles. I've decided to stay put for now, kids are in school, I signed a lease, I'm enjoying the peace. I'm going to al anon, started yoga, talking to T about my anger. I'm taking a wait and see approach. Is this new sober guy for real? I guess time will tell. We talk quite a bit more now but I find I don't bring up our issues. Not bc I'm worried about his reaction but bc I'm sick to death of talking about it with him right now. It seems all we did for a year or more was talk about alcohol related issues.
This got much longer than intended. Wow.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 339
Can't bring myself to put that R in front of AH I guess because I don't trust that its real.
Hammer that is why he wants the counseling but why I'm not moving back. Big reason why I feel crazy. Why would I even consider giving him a chance?
I need to see more sober time and him making an effort to be in the kids lives. I think this family accident has shocked him and made him evaluate things. Time will tell. Lots of changes are happening in lots of areas.
Hammer that is why he wants the counseling but why I'm not moving back. Big reason why I feel crazy. Why would I even consider giving him a chance?
I need to see more sober time and him making an effort to be in the kids lives. I think this family accident has shocked him and made him evaluate things. Time will tell. Lots of changes are happening in lots of areas.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Sounds like your navigation device IS working.
Telling you that you ARE driving in circles, that is. I think maybe you are.
After I did T for me . . . I went back after a couple years for a "tune up." Once kids were in our life, I was hyper-protective of them, and it made go a little bonkers about once a year or so, when something I thought happened that was distressing for them.
Back in those days, it was before her relapse and I was the more Crazy One, and Mrs. Hammer tended to the more sensible one. One day when I was driving and having a bonkers attack Mrs. Hammer looked very firmly and said very clearly --
HONEY. PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
I did. It worked. Return to sanity.
Told that to the T when I went to visit. "We" re-wrote my "Programming."
When feeling crazy -- PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
Seems to work Great for Me.
Might work for you, too.
PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
Will stop you from driving in circles.
Telling you that you ARE driving in circles, that is. I think maybe you are.
After I did T for me . . . I went back after a couple years for a "tune up." Once kids were in our life, I was hyper-protective of them, and it made go a little bonkers about once a year or so, when something I thought happened that was distressing for them.
Back in those days, it was before her relapse and I was the more Crazy One, and Mrs. Hammer tended to the more sensible one. One day when I was driving and having a bonkers attack Mrs. Hammer looked very firmly and said very clearly --
HONEY. PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
I did. It worked. Return to sanity.
Told that to the T when I went to visit. "We" re-wrote my "Programming."
When feeling crazy -- PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
Seems to work Great for Me.
Might work for you, too.
PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
Will stop you from driving in circles.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by Hammer 
Sounds like your navigation device IS working.
Telling you that you ARE driving in circles, that is. I think maybe you are.
After I did T for me . . . I went back after a couple years for a "tune up." Once kids were in our life, I was hyper-protective of them, and it made go a little bonkers about once a year or so, when something I thought happened that was distressing for them.
Back in those days, it was before her relapse and I was the more Crazy One, and Mrs. Hammer tended to the more sensible one. One day when I was driving and having a bonkers attack Mrs. Hammer looked very firmly and said very clearly --
HONEY. PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
I did. It worked. Return to sanity.
Told that to the T when I went to visit. "We" re-wrote my "Programming."
When feeling crazy -- PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
Seems to work Great for Me.
Might work for you, too.
PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
Will stop you from driving in circles.
Telling you that you ARE driving in circles, that is. I think maybe you are.
After I did T for me . . . I went back after a couple years for a "tune up." Once kids were in our life, I was hyper-protective of them, and it made go a little bonkers about once a year or so, when something I thought happened that was distressing for them.
Back in those days, it was before her relapse and I was the more Crazy One, and Mrs. Hammer tended to the more sensible one. One day when I was driving and having a bonkers attack Mrs. Hammer looked very firmly and said very clearly --
HONEY. PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
I did. It worked. Return to sanity.
Told that to the T when I went to visit. "We" re-wrote my "Programming."
When feeling crazy -- PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
Seems to work Great for Me.
Might work for you, too.
PULL OVER. PARK THE CAR.
Will stop you from driving in circles.
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