Katchie

He last few months I feel like I've been forced to look at the reality of my marriage. Because I've done a lot of evaluating of self and spouse, I've had a hard time, especially the last few weeks, even looking at my AH. The last few days it's even been hard to say much to him. I think I felt that I would spew if I looked at him or said to much of any real substance.
I've been working on myself. I tend to internalize everything & I've done this since I can remember. The most I share about myself and how I feel is here on SR, so thanks to all of you for listening and giving so much wonderful feedback.
Part of working on myself has been to prioritize myself. I've done that by looking into going back to school, which I need to finish by setting up some classes. I've also gotten myself up early and to the gym for an hour hard walk & a 10 minute sauna--this has been so helpful and I'm going to add some things to it.
This leads me to yesterday... My sister and I met w/my stepsister regarding our grandparents home that my stepdad is living in because, I told my sister, I may need that home in the future. I hope not but if change isn't actively made by AH then I'll do the changing geographically. Something is going to change--I've already been changing since the eye scales of denial fell off.
The home will be signed over to our family..yay!! That really took a burden off of me. So afterwards my sis and I went to dinner. We were together 2 hours and the whole time I talked about how I feel and what's going on in our marriage. I left dinner lighter. I came home able to at least look at my AH and have some conversation. I really felt so much better and am so thankful to sis for her nonjudgmental ear.

FeelingGreat

Hi Katchie, therapy usually has to be painful to do any good (in my experience). It's great that you are spending time thinking about your own needs. Isn't it strange that talking to your therapist made you feel worse, albeit in a good cause, but talking to your sister made you feel great, and at no fee.

Katchie

Ive felt bad, that's for sure. I don't see a therapist tho I have thought about it. But if my sis has shoulders big enough to listen to all I dumped on her last night, I hope she will be willing again so I don't have to think about a therapist. Actually, my books have served somewhat as a therapist in many ways, just not the same lighter heart after reading and journaling. The other positive I noticed was that my hives werent as bad after our visit. I developed hives this week and I beieve it is from stress.

FireSprite

Good for you! It is so freeing to open up and reach out to our friends and family and stop the secrets. Even better when they show support without judgment. You've taken a GREAT step in your own recovery here!!