Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 7
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
Hello,
The last time I posted, my dad had surprised me and left me desperate for affirmation that I am loved and not crazy. I was without any good friends and lonely. I was really happy to see my mom again, the only person who can understand our situation. Christmas was a bit rough but happy in the end. My family will never be perfect. But then again, no one's is... I was really pleased that my mom liked her presents, though. Now that I have finished my first semester of college, I am feeling stronger. I made it through with a 3.8. My dad didn't know and does not know. Not that he'd ever ask. He texted to inform me that he had deposited $300 into my bank account and has a few other things for me. On Christmas Day, he called twice and left a very pleasant voicemail asking to see me and oh, could we possibly go on a hike? I never called back. My friends would think I am a terrible, awful person. But I have finally seen a light at the end of this tunnel. I have finally seen how manipulating and selfish he truly is and why it affects me so. I have let him be the center of my life for so long that when he started to ignored, I held on tighter. I have since quit drinking at school. I am not an alcoholic. But the anger that I still have has scarred me and made bitter. I need to let it go, and I suppose the best remedy of them all is time. He took everything from me. Or so I thought.
I have resilience and strength, intelligence and love, and I feel sorry for him because he will never be as strong as I am. Now I don't know if this is the right way to feel, but I feel more strong than ever. I am shooting for a 4.0 next semester and hopefully my newfound strength will aid me in that.
I want to be a writer. And I intend to do so. I know that this pain I feel now is something that makes me strong, and probably is what makes me a good writer. I just know that I have to be careful. I need to find more people at school and meet some people with similar interests. I need to keep getting support.
I have decided to change my last name to my mother's maiden name, simply because I want to. I don't want to feel angry at a last name of all things. But more than that, my mother's family is the only one that has ever been there for me and I feel that I belong to them. Now my question is, how do I move on gracefully? How do I let go of the anger? Should I stay in contact with my dad or leave him flat as I plan to? What did you do?
If anyone has anything to say, I'd greatly appreciate it.
Thank you.
The last time I posted, my dad had surprised me and left me desperate for affirmation that I am loved and not crazy. I was without any good friends and lonely. I was really happy to see my mom again, the only person who can understand our situation. Christmas was a bit rough but happy in the end. My family will never be perfect. But then again, no one's is... I was really pleased that my mom liked her presents, though. Now that I have finished my first semester of college, I am feeling stronger. I made it through with a 3.8. My dad didn't know and does not know. Not that he'd ever ask. He texted to inform me that he had deposited $300 into my bank account and has a few other things for me. On Christmas Day, he called twice and left a very pleasant voicemail asking to see me and oh, could we possibly go on a hike? I never called back. My friends would think I am a terrible, awful person. But I have finally seen a light at the end of this tunnel. I have finally seen how manipulating and selfish he truly is and why it affects me so. I have let him be the center of my life for so long that when he started to ignored, I held on tighter. I have since quit drinking at school. I am not an alcoholic. But the anger that I still have has scarred me and made bitter. I need to let it go, and I suppose the best remedy of them all is time. He took everything from me. Or so I thought.
I have resilience and strength, intelligence and love, and I feel sorry for him because he will never be as strong as I am. Now I don't know if this is the right way to feel, but I feel more strong than ever. I am shooting for a 4.0 next semester and hopefully my newfound strength will aid me in that.
I want to be a writer. And I intend to do so. I know that this pain I feel now is something that makes me strong, and probably is what makes me a good writer. I just know that I have to be careful. I need to find more people at school and meet some people with similar interests. I need to keep getting support.
I have decided to change my last name to my mother's maiden name, simply because I want to. I don't want to feel angry at a last name of all things. But more than that, my mother's family is the only one that has ever been there for me and I feel that I belong to them. Now my question is, how do I move on gracefully? How do I let go of the anger? Should I stay in contact with my dad or leave him flat as I plan to? What did you do?
If anyone has anything to say, I'd greatly appreciate it.
Thank you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Coco! Great to see you, and fantastic news about your semester GPA 
I think all of the work you are doing to invest in your future is a great way to move forward! You are getting a college degree, and you have future goals to work toward. All great things!
The anger at your father will fade in time, I think. If I were in your shoes, I would minimize contact at the very least, but I would cut off all contact if the only thing it did was bring me pain.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your break, and good luck with the next semester!!!
I think all of the work you are doing to invest in your future is a great way to move forward! You are getting a college degree, and you have future goals to work toward. All great things!
The anger at your father will fade in time, I think. If I were in your shoes, I would minimize contact at the very least, but I would cut off all contact if the only thing it did was bring me pain.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your break, and good luck with the next semester!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Litchfield Park, AZ
Posts: 319
As a child, I didn't get the love and acceptance from my dad that I needed (and that we all deserve). My conscious mind knew and knows that it wasn't my fault, but my heart thought that I was unworthy of love. That I was unlovable. I tried to forgive...but what I really wanted was an apology. Anger? I didn't have an angry bone in my body (I thought). But the reality was that I spent years of my life pushing anger and resentment down and holding it in...because in my home, emotions were dangerous.
It took a crisis to get me there, but when I was truly ready to start healing, one of the first epiphanies was that my anger and resentment toward my dad wasn't hurting anyone but me. I was never going to get that apology that I'd waited for all those years. I (somehow) made a choice that I was going to forgive my dad. I (somehow) recognized that my dad had his own demons and that he wasn't evil, he was just doing the best he could with the tools he had. (It helped that I had my own failings as a parent to draw on).
When I reached out to him...he surprised me by actually apologizing! It wasn't a great apology, and if I was still hanging onto the need for an apology I would have probably been disappointed. But instead, my decision to let go of anger and resentment came from inside me...and it set me free.
Learning a profession is important. Having and raising children is important. But (with the benefit of hindsight) I've found that the truly important things in life don't come from the outside, they come from the inside.
It took a crisis to get me there, but when I was truly ready to start healing, one of the first epiphanies was that my anger and resentment toward my dad wasn't hurting anyone but me. I was never going to get that apology that I'd waited for all those years. I (somehow) made a choice that I was going to forgive my dad. I (somehow) recognized that my dad had his own demons and that he wasn't evil, he was just doing the best he could with the tools he had. (It helped that I had my own failings as a parent to draw on).
When I reached out to him...he surprised me by actually apologizing! It wasn't a great apology, and if I was still hanging onto the need for an apology I would have probably been disappointed. But instead, my decision to let go of anger and resentment came from inside me...and it set me free.
Learning a profession is important. Having and raising children is important. But (with the benefit of hindsight) I've found that the truly important things in life don't come from the outside, they come from the inside.
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