keithcancook

Hello to all, my name is Keith.
I am the parent of an addict/alcoholic. My alcoholic wife left us and moved out of the state. I have raised three kids alone for the past eight years and I have somehow failed to protect my eldest son from the horrors of addiction. He is 17 years old now and for the past year he has made terrible choices and involved himself in criminal activities. He has dropped out of school, robbed his family, lied, and generally followed a path of self destruction.

Two weeks ago I went to my first al-anon meeting and have been to 7 meetings so far. While there I discovered the strength that exists from the combined experiences of its members. I have been relieved to find that I am not so alone, and that my problem pales before others that I have met. I had become a recluse from the world, ashamed that I had failed to produce a "good boy" and that it was my shortcomings that caused my child to become a liar and a thief. I did not in fact believe that I was also sick. I am coming to terms with the reasons that I had considered his faults to be my failures, but I find that it is not so easy to get past the first step. He is a minor and I am responsible for him. Yet I agree with the first step in that it has become obvious that I cannot control him. I think that the only path I could have taken to release myself from this "control mentality" was the one that I have taken. I simply had to try everything in my power to save him before I could truly live with myself for letting him go. And I have reached that point now. I am truly able to give this problem to a higher power than myself and it is actually returning me to saner existance. While still new to the program, and having difficulty understanding it all, I would like to testify that it has saved me from despair and I forsee great changes in myself in the long road ahead. Thankyou all for being there and listening to my tale.

Lorelai

Welcome Keith -
I'm glad that you are working on yourself. You'll find a lot of people here that can relate to your story and you'll also find a lot of strength and wisdom.
I'm glad you're here.
L

Gabe

Hey Keith,
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
There is a lot of strength in combined experience, isn't there?
We're all here walking the same road that you are.
Glad you're here with us.
Gabe

splendra

Keithcancook,

Welcome I saw you in chat last night. It sounds like you are making good strides in recovery. Just remember to take it slow and take it easy on yourself.

quietsins

glad you chose this road. its a good one. and i am constantly amazed at the miracles that occur small and large along the way. sure beats the Burma shave signs along the other road doesnt it? lol

bookworm

Welcome Keith
A support network of people who understand is really important.
You've had to deal with a lot heartache - don't beat yourself up too much.
HugZ
Sandra

frannie

I am going through the same thing with a 24 year old daughter who is an addict. I agree that it is that letting go, ceasing to try controlling everything. I have some wonderful sayings that I got from family group meeting when my daughter was in rehab...they were simply under the title "Letting Go" Perhaps the one that best suits our present situation is "To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands." I have to keep reminding and repeating that to myself.
Since your addict is a boy at least you are not presented with my daughters latest lapse in judgment..a policeman, the son of the Chief of Police for our county has asked her for a date for probably the 20th time, and she is actually considering it now...why now i do not know...It is a rather suicidal decision if you ask me...the young man is very straight laced and takes his family duty to be an example to others very seriously. Should be interesting.

flea*circus

Welcome, Keith,
Raising children alone is quite a challenge and children with addictions is a heartbreak. I also raised my addcted son on my own since he was 7. He has been in and out of juvenile hall and jail since he was 12. I suspect he will be returning to jail again soon. he's 20 now.
It was hard for me to let go of my control ...and I also felt responsible for the way he turned out..Alanon meetings helped to give me the healing direction that I needed to deal with this.
You'll also find a lot of wisdom and support on this forum from those who hav e similar problems. There are lots of amazing people who are quite resourcful and full of insight who frequent these boards.
Bes wishes for you and your family

keithcancook

Thankyou all for your responses and support. While I have never been brought to tears at my family meetings my eyes are watering now. They are not tears brought by pain, they are tears of joy and hope. The strength that I draw from all of y'all moves me to greater heights than I had thought possible for myself and those that I love. And I love all of you as well. You all have given me the courage to change.

Magichappens

Hi Keith,
Welcome. So the question I have is.....Can you cook? Ok, just had to get that out of the way. Glad you found us. This board along with my f2f meetings and therapy has been a spring board to a new way of life. Hope you stick around and let us get to know you. Hugs, Magic

Jillychatchat

Keith, I am so proud of you I can see how this program has enhanced your life...I am so happy you have come into my life you have enriched it so...
I am grateful to Al-Anon for helping you to see "You're Special" and "Worthy" to be happy... I am looking forward to seeing you spread your wings and fly higher and higher...Taking each mountain one bite at a time...I adore you..I believe in you...Jillie