Just left...really worried
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Winnetka, IL
Posts: 15
Just left...really worried
I left my alcoholic boyfriend of 2 years. He has an 8 year old that I love very much. I'm very concerned about the child when I'm not there. My ex has custody of him 50 percent of the time-His ex wife is equally neglectful and doesn't want her little boy around. My ex is a good and responsible father during the day but binge drinks starting at 5 pm and sometime passes out. Nervous. Should I report it? I know my little friend is putting himself to bed when Dad passes out. So sad.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: RhodeIsland
Posts: 175
If you feel the child is in danger, yes.
But we can't fix the world, and keep in mind if you report, I know there is all that "anonymity" and such, but it's a small world and I've known people who have been retaliated against. We can't fix the world - only our own loves.
And what is the alternative to his neglectful parents? I dated a girl who had neglectful parents, and she ended up being sexually abused in a foster home. Some favor they did her, huh? Perhaps contacting his parents / her parents if they're decent people? I don't think contacting the men and women calling themselves "the state" is always the best solution.
But we can't fix the world, and keep in mind if you report, I know there is all that "anonymity" and such, but it's a small world and I've known people who have been retaliated against. We can't fix the world - only our own loves.
And what is the alternative to his neglectful parents? I dated a girl who had neglectful parents, and she ended up being sexually abused in a foster home. Some favor they did her, huh? Perhaps contacting his parents / her parents if they're decent people? I don't think contacting the men and women calling themselves "the state" is always the best solution.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,916
Oh, how heartbreaking. Poor little guy. Before you report it to CPS, are there any grandparents who could step in and help? It's so hard when there are innocent children involved and we have no legal right to remove them from the chaos.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Winnetka, IL
Posts: 15
His brothers and parents know about the out of control drinking. They're just turning their backs on it. No one wants to go there because there is drinking thru the whole family. I did my best by my ex and by his little guy. I can only pray and let go. I agree that sometimes the state just isn't the best solution. I pulled my little friend aside and left my phone number under a book by his bed and told him to call me if he needs me. One day at a time.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
There are some folks who "a duty to report." These include Scout Leaders and Alateen Sponsors (how I happen to know this), teachers, social workers, etc. If you just tell one of them, they become obliged to do "the work" and provides a buffer for you.
This takes the "judgment" (or lack of) out of the matter, and CPS is then obliged to at least look into the matter. Most often just some visits, warnings if needed, monitoring, or required parent training and follow-ups -- which are ALL GOOD Things, btw.
To fully remove the kids is relatively rare, even in cases where one may think it would be the only sane course.
add on edit -- If you are concerned about doing the 'next right thing,' I would suggest calling the local school counselor and letting her "duty to report" take care of it, and that would meet your personal moral duty.
This takes the "judgment" (or lack of) out of the matter, and CPS is then obliged to at least look into the matter. Most often just some visits, warnings if needed, monitoring, or required parent training and follow-ups -- which are ALL GOOD Things, btw.
To fully remove the kids is relatively rare, even in cases where one may think it would be the only sane course.
add on edit -- If you are concerned about doing the 'next right thing,' I would suggest calling the local school counselor and letting her "duty to report" take care of it, and that would meet your personal moral duty.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,916
Hammer is right in that they rarely remove a child from the home unless there is just blatant neglect or abuse. We have a poster here who reported to CPS the fact that her niece was choked by her stepmother. CPS did investigate and told the family that the stepmother was not to be left alone with the child and a nanny was brought in to cover the hours before the husband got home from work. CPS will follow up to see if things have improved.
I guess, just the knowledge that CPS is involved and will be checking up does enough to cause most families to make necessary changes.
I guess, just the knowledge that CPS is involved and will be checking up does enough to cause most families to make necessary changes.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: RhodeIsland
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by Hammer 
There are some folks who "a duty to report." These include Scout Leaders and Alateen Sponsors (how I happen to know this), teachers, social workers, etc. If you just tell one of them, they become obliged to do "the work" and provides a buffer for you.
This takes the "judgment" (or lack of) out of the matter, and CPS is then obliged to at least look into the matter. Most often just some visits, warnings if needed, monitoring, or required parent training and follow-ups -- which are ALL GOOD Things, btw.
To fully remove the kids is relatively rare, even in cases where one may think it would be the only sane course.
add on edit -- If you are concerned about doing the 'next right thing,' I would suggest calling the local school counselor and letting her "duty to report" take care of it, and that would meet your personal moral duty.
This takes the "judgment" (or lack of) out of the matter, and CPS is then obliged to at least look into the matter. Most often just some visits, warnings if needed, monitoring, or required parent training and follow-ups -- which are ALL GOOD Things, btw.
To fully remove the kids is relatively rare, even in cases where one may think it would be the only sane course.
add on edit -- If you are concerned about doing the 'next right thing,' I would suggest calling the local school counselor and letting her "duty to report" take care of it, and that would meet your personal moral duty.
CPS shows up, worker spots marijuana in the home - out of reach of a child but somewhere an adult could see it.
Drug charge for dad and more
Child is out of the home.
This is reality for a lot of parents out there.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
You would think so . . . but it is not so much the case.
of course may vary by state and locale.
Typically the goal is to Close The Case. They do not get to close the case by Snatch and Grab drama.
Second goal is to keep families intact. Like I say, even when one may hope not.
Figure maybe the girl you dated experience was likely at least 10 years ago, maybe 20?
Modern world has so degraded that CPS is in a constant blur. Add to that the Mandatory Duty to Report that has been added across the US since then . . . and CPS simply cannot afford the time to do a very complete job in many cases.
But you make a Very Good Case why the Duty to Report has become law in many areas -- so folks do not think they know better.
of course may vary by state and locale.
Typically the goal is to Close The Case. They do not get to close the case by Snatch and Grab drama.
Second goal is to keep families intact. Like I say, even when one may hope not.
Figure maybe the girl you dated experience was likely at least 10 years ago, maybe 20?
Modern world has so degraded that CPS is in a constant blur. Add to that the Mandatory Duty to Report that has been added across the US since then . . . and CPS simply cannot afford the time to do a very complete job in many cases.
But you make a Very Good Case why the Duty to Report has become law in many areas -- so folks do not think they know better.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I agree to tell school and make sure thr child knows your number. Maybe sometimes putting a bug in the ear of relatives that you will report ol mom and dad out of concern may motivate them to step in...just a thought. The world needs more caring people like you.
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