Can someone please talk some sense into me?!

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12-01-2013, 04:59 PM

# 21 (permalink)

trixie56

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Join Date: Jul 2013

Posts: 109

Quote:

Originally Posted by TigersFoundMe

Although I'm in the beginning stages of learning about my boyfriend's addiction to alcohol, it's clear to me that I will likely benefit from attending Al-Anon meetings. Yet, I don't want to let him know that's where I'm going.

I'm worried that he'll think it's stupid. I'm worried that he'll get mad and take offense. I'm worried that I'll be the butt of jokes with his friends. He has a history of perceiving my worries as overreactions and dramatics... I feel very vulnerable about going to an Al-Anon meeting and a negative reaction from him could really hurt my feelings. He is also in total denial about his addiction.

Is there a way to tell him that won't make him feel that he needs to respond defensively? How can I explain this to him in a compassionate way?

Good for you for doing what's best for you. I hope you know that you deserve to be with a man who makes you feel good about yourself and strong, even in your most vulnerable moments. My XABF was also in total denial. He had a way of belittling me when I made myself vulnerable, and gaslighted at every turn, even when the issue wasn't about alcohol. He was always telling me I was "too serious," "a baby," overreacting, being uptight, etc. After a while of this, I felt emotionally beat-up and worthless….It's not you. And you deserve to be heard, respected, and loved.