m1k3

Hi forworse, sorry you have to be going through this. I just wanted to say you seem to be handling this very well. However you have been living with a lot of stress over the last couple of years and that can leave scars that you are totally unaware of.

I've read that. Living in a relationship like this can cause trauma with symptoms very similar to those of being in combat. You may want to see a therapist who has training in working with people from addictive relationships or maybe AlAnon.

Something else to look into is why we're you attracted to this person at all. I know my reasons now and I also know how to avoid being in that type of situation again.

Good luck moving forward and keep posting. I have found this site to be my online group therapy meeting where I know there are people who will call me out on my BS when I start slipping.

Your friend,

hopeful4

I am very sorry this is happening. I am hoping after she returns from treatment you make her prove herself over a LOONNGGG period of time and do not just assume since she got treatment she is healed.

You need to be doing what is right for YOU! Enjoy some peace.

forworse

Thanks yall. I am doing exactly that and I feel a divorce is what is right for me. I want kids, travel, success, etc and I have realized what I want is not congruent with what she wants. Also, on the what attracted me to her. She wasn't always like this. The day she got percocet was the day I lost her and didn't know it yet. I was attracted to her ambition and drive and caring heart until she decided to not have that anymore and spiral downward. I am very unattracted to her despite the fact that she is a pretty lady. I didn't realize that her caring was actually part of a personality disorder. She was always immersed in other people's problems but never addressing her own. I know what to look for in the future and will be very guarded about anyone I let into my life. Thank you again!

forworse

Thanks! I could have used that advice two rehabs and 3 baker acts ago! The roller coaster of emotions is never ending with her. when she gets out I will be happy to help her start her new life but I am not wanting to accept her back into mine. I see her as a fellow person now that is very sick and I am glad to provide assistance from a distance. Metaphorically speaking I will throw her a life preserver but not jump in to save her. Peace be with all of you my fellow codie friends

Pamel

I have to ask what a "baker act" is?

I am the alcoholic/addict in our relationship, with a long-suffering husband like yourself, forworse. He has seen me through countless "episodes" and 3 rehabs and I will be forever in his debt (although I think he made bad decisions for himself many times-he should have thrown me out long ago). I am posting here because I think I have a chance to become one of the people who actually make a sober life out of this wreckage, and it is threads like yours that keep it fresh for me.

Thanks for posting; I will keep reading and wish you well.

hopeful4

It is a 72 hour committment to mental health floor b/c you were committed for being a danger to yourself or someone else.

forworse

Thanks hopeful. Almost correct. In Florida its up to 72 hours but they like to push them out quick. My A was only in overnight. Its stabilize and release here as we have a lot of users and that leads to the desperation. What a pleasure it has been getting to know the system. NOT

hopeful4

Yes, I have heard that it is the worst in FL. Horribly sad. It is amazing too how someone can be raving out of their mind and once they see hospital staff and/or police act completely lucid. My sister is highway patrol and has to take drug users to the hospital all the time, we were just talking about both these problems, the hospitals are so full they just want them out (guaranteed for another visit in a couple of months), and they can fake their way to sober/lucid really quickly.

Good luck to everyone, it's a rough road and a sad time we live in right now.

BoxinRotz

Oh... how I will never forget how the cops came to pick up the drunk who was OUT OF CONTROL, SEETHING WITH ANGER and WANTED MY HEAD ON A STICK! lol Once the cops were there, it was yes Officer, I don't know why you're here Officer. Nothings wrong Officer. Just unbelievable!

I've gotten to know the mental health side too and found that when you 302 (equivalent to the baker) here, they only keep them til they sober up. They see it as the alcohol talking and give them a bunch of numbers to call and suggestions so they can wad the paper up and throw it at you when they get home and start all over again.

hopeful4

Dear Lord...that is terrible. I know my sister is having a hard time with the hospital up where she lives even accepting them in to start with (from her, the police), it's a big fight. They say they don't even want the help, most don't have insurance, and will just be back again the next week or month. It's sad times for sure. She stays there until they are admitted in their bed just to make sure they don't let them leave when she leaves. Yes, that has happened and she has had to bring them back....THE SAME DAY. Amazing.

I've gotten to know the mental health side too and found that when you 302 (equivalent to the baker) here, they only keep them til they sober up. They see it as the alcohol talking and give them a bunch of numbers to call and suggestions so they can wad the paper up and throw it at you when they get home and start all over again.[/QUOTE]

forworse

So I typed a nice response on my phone only to have it erased when I tried to post so I'll try again. I have a friend that is a police officer locally. In fact he was one of the RO's on baker act 2. He handed the call off when he saw who he was picking up. He says he takes people to that facility 3-4 times a week and often times its the same people over and over again. The facility only serves to stabilize and release asap and collect their vig each time from the person, insurance company or municipality. Help for the sick? its an EFFIN joke. I know exactly what you are saying about the discharge recommendations. Do they ever do one of them? nope. This time I think the AW understands the damage shes done. She wrote a note and I found her cutting her wrist in the tub. Today she voluntarily checked herself in to rehab(3rd time this year but first one she volunteered for). She has stolen so much from me mentally and I think that rehab is the perfect place to serve her divorce papers. I am not giving up prematurely but I am doing what I have to in order to preserve myself. How do A loved ones hurt people so much and only escalate how deep the wounds go with every action?

hopeful4

Actually, I think you are correct. If she is served the papers in rehab at least you know she will have the support there she needs to deal with it. No, you are not giving up prematurely, you have given ample opportunity for her and she has made her own choices. It sounds like you are in a good place mentally and working on YOU. That is great...keep it up!

Blessings!

Hammer

You follow the cutting / Self-Injury stuff is just self-medicating pain relief in itself?

Hurts So Good - Neural Clues to the Calming Effects of Self-Harm | Elsevier

Maybe ask Threshold (member here) for some details on what to do, (and not to do) best.

She lived this from the other side. Her hubby wound up divorcing her.

You can hit her from off this thread . . . .

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-thread.html

BoxinRotz

Some may not agree with me but you serving her while she is there is an excellent idea. Why? So they can deal with her unpredictable outburst or instability once she finds out.

My mother is nuts. She actually makes the term *nuts* look like a day in the park. Well, she went in for a knee replacement last month. She told my brother to make sure her dog ate n had to have a bowl of milk every night n do this n that n don't let her die.

Really?

Well, she went in on Friday n the dog died on Monday from old age. He called me n I went down to bury the dog because he broke his foot earlier n couldn't do it. He debated about telling her or waiting. Honestly, it was better that she be told at the hospital so they could drug her up n keep her off our asses. It worked out pretty well instead of her coming home asking, Wheeeere's my dooooog?! It's dead. Insert psychotic, incoherent, accusational babble here....

Hammer

Borderlines are known for going suicidal over things like divorce, when being caught in affairs, and other major stresses in life.

And make sure the Rehab T knows it is coming, as well.

Just going to Rehab can be too much for some.

We had joked about telling Mrs. Hammer we were going on vacation and just driving by the Rehab and pushing her out the door.

hopeful4

O my gosh Mr. Hammer....that made me LOL. I have dreamed about that...pushing him out the door then continuing on my merry way on a nice stress vacation w/out him!

forworse

Absolutely Hammer. The rehab T for her this time is one of the moderators in a friends and family group I used to attend. I will ask for her guidance on framing, timing, etc

forworse

I finally called her rehab therapist today and told her I had made the decision. She wanted me to be certain of the path I was choosing so she can address it while my soon to be xAW was in a safe environment. I didn't make this decision on a whim. I had been struggling with it lately and letting other variables influence it. What it came down to was asking what would be best for both of us. She has a long path to walk as do I but they won't be together. I had to ask myself if I wanted to possibly end up where I was again and if that was the life I wanted to live. The answer was obvious but tough to accept. Wishing everyone the best. I think I'll change my handle to 'worsenomore'

hopeful4

But what a relief that it will be addressed there safely by a professional therapist...which we are not!

Good luck on this journey. Hugs!

forworse

I know the future will be better but it doesn't make today any fun. The reality of this decision is setting in.