Gracey

I went home yesterday in hopes that my Husband would wake up around 7:00 pm, he got home from work at 2:45 and he said he was exhausted because he was up late the night before because of our argument….okay fine he needed a nap when he came home…….I walked in the door late around 5:30 compared to 4:30 when I usually get home….I walked in to a sink full of dishes, my 6 year old sleeping, my husband sleeping, my son at a neighbors swimming, and my oldest daughter was in her room on the phone…I was pretty discouraged yesterday because of the fight the night before and like I said I was hoping to talk to my husband to somehow make things okay…..although reality is it would have been okay just for the day or the next couple…….I ended up quiting feeling sorry for my self got up out of the chair, did dishes, cleaned the living room, fed and took the puppy for a walk, sat in the garage during the rain storm and watched the weather channel and animal planet…….I was sad and I can admit to that…….I really wanted to talk to my husband, but he told me not to bother him from 2:30pm till 5:00pm, so I didn’t call home around three like I usually do…….but in all honesty I was resenting the fact that he was sleeping, and my daughter was sleeping…….and I waited patiently for a long time for him to get up and I wanted to keep busy in the meantime…….well he didn’t get up till 9:30pm and by that time my patients had run out…When he came downstairs, I was cuddled under to blankets on the couch, I heard him walk into the livingroom, where I was, I guess he assumed that I was sleeping. So he went outside was smoking a cigarette and let the puppy out….Mean while I got up and was standing in the kitchen looking out the window at him, he saw me and came in and said to me why don’t you come outside with me……I said I am exhausted and I am going to go to bed, he immediately said what is wrong with you…….I said nothing honey , I am just tired and cold and I want to go to bed………..so I did that…….I didn’t want to tell him I was upset that he slept till 9:30pm, I didn’t tell him that I wanted to talk to him, because if I had it would have turned into an argument…..he has the energy to argue, since he just had a six and a half hour nap…….but I didn’t have the energy………I went to bed feeling empty inside…..has your body ever ached for someone to hold you???????? I did end up going to sleep, I awoke at 12:30 and my husband was back in bed sleeping, I think…….My husband every morning before leaving for work has always kissed me goodbye, touches my boob (?) and give me a kiss and says goodbye…….this morning I heard him in the room and I heard him kiss our daughter goodbye and he didn’t kiss me…..when he headed downstairs, I jumped out of bed and I caught him before he left and said to him why didn’t you kiss me goodbye, he didn’t answer……he then said give me a hug and a kiss goodbye, so I did……..he took my van this morning, he said when he left he needed smokes, I thought he was just going to the gas station really quick and he would be right home, meanwhile I went out to the garage to get my morning pop (mountain dew) I don’t like coffee……(caffeine) I punched the code in and it didn’t work……..so I tried again, I thought what the hell is wrong with this thing……..then I realized that he actually changed the code last night when he got up………I decided to call him on his way to work, I want to tell him that it really hurt my feelings that he purposely didn’t say goodbye to me this morning, he admitted to being angry with me for the way I went to bed last night, he said I barely gave him a hug or anything……he said he was upset that it was summer and the kids are off school…..he said he was still upset with me from the fight we had on Tuesday………I asked him what did that have to do with not kissing me goodbye today, you kissed me goodbye yesterday???? He said what is wrong with you today, why are you so sensitive…….he said are you on your monthly……bla bla bla (it just so happens that I am) but I don’t want him to blame that on how I am feeling, because of that……do I need some serious drugs, or what? He did atleast remember it was my birthday and mumbled happy b-day…..

journeygal

Hi Breec,

It seems to me that if your husband is happy and loving, then so are you. If he isn't, you aren't. If Jack is in a funky mood, I stay as far away from him as possible, and I don't let his mood affect me or my emotional state (anymore). Of course I used to fall apart when he was upset with me. I had to get over that... The world isn't going to end if he doesn't kiss you goodbye or say I love you, and I'm sure he wasn't trying to hurt your feelings.

You guys had an argument and he's going to process it differently from you. Talking about it may or may not help, but often two people aren't at the same place at the same time when it comes to communicating and dealing with problems. Give him time and space to deal with it and try to focus on your own feelings without letting his words or actions influence you.

Take care,
JG

constant

Just a couple of things.....(1)expectations get us in trouble ALL the TIME!!! EXPECTING him to wake at a certain time set you up for being angry at him for something he knew nothing about!!! He didn't know what time he was supposed to wake...or that you were waiting to talk to him.....If we haven't told them what we are expecting we set ourselves up for failure.
(2) If your're tired at 9:30 and want to go to bed....no-one should be angry about it. Hug or no....if your tired your tired.....after all this isn't High School

Two wrongs never make a right....we are supposed to treat each other w/love and kindness regardless of how we are being treated (I don't mean let someone beat you up....walk away if it needs to be defused).....my definition of detachment...Blessings Constant

bookworm

Hey Breec
G sleeps all the time - and I did get upset that he'd sleep for hours. But eventually, I started to think of that time as an opportunity to do something for myself (like coming here ) and now I quite enjoy that 'me' time. It lets me unwind, think, just be quiet and not have to listen to his constant drunken nattering. Maybe instead of waiting for him to wake up, you could switch to seeing his 'nap' time as a chance to do whatever you like? It worked really well for me - so well that I actually started planning for his sleeps!
Chin up, B!
HugZ
Sandra

ChillGal

Hey I do that too. Now sometimes I find he's just not sleeping long enough because I am enjoying being on line or getting into something else that I want to do. I have to be careful because then I want to resent him for not sleeping long enough. Hmmm?? Are we just too concerned about what they do? My husband and I have kind of a code that doesn't fix things but it helps. When I go off for a walk because if I don't all H*#% will break out. When I get back he usually says "Do you NEED a hug?" Usually it is so hard to say yes, but he usually says "I do". A hug works wonders. I am sending one to you.