kking0108

Hi,

I just kicked my boyfriend out...again. This time I'm trying to be strong. I told him he can't come home and I don't want to worry about him. He's 42 years old. He's been in jail twice (for DUI), rehab once (court ordered), has a felony on his record for refusing to blow during a traffic stop and no license for another six years. He lost his job in December and he's been going downhill since then. I have a five year old daughter who lives with us and I feel like I'm the crazy one. I'm sick of the lies and sick of hoping for change that never comes. Did I do the right thing??

I feel guilty but I'm trying to protect myself. Am I making it worse???

Thanks for any advice.

Dee74

Hi and welcome kking

I think you did the right thing for your childs welfare...and for yours. I also hope this may help your bf have that 'aha' moment like I did and turn himself around.

Good to have you join us. I know you'll find a lot of support here and in our Family and Friends forum too

D

csd

welcome kking, sounds like it was a very good thing, stay strong.

Hawkeye13

I agree with the other posters. It sounds like you did what is best for you and your child.
As someone who grew up with an active alcoholic, I can tell you that it can be very damaging to grow up with.
You and your child deserve better.

SteppingStone

You are definitely doing the right thing. I have recently split with my RXABF and it hurts so much but I know it WILL get easier.

I wish I had your strength. Keep moving forward.

*Gentle hugs*

FeelingGreat

Hi KK, you won't find anyone telling you you did the wrong thing here! You did the sane and healthy thing and might even be helping him as well.

kking0108

Well he came back. And acted such a fool last night. Luckily I pretended to be asleep, not hear, whatever. He scared me though. My daughter was upstairs asleep and all I kept hoping was that she wouldn't wake up. Luckily she didn't and he passed out in the basement.

And then he comes up a few minutes ago and gets in the shower. I want to scream! I know I've done this before and I'm sure he doesn't take me seriously but I have a killer headache and I just want him to go. My landlord takes his sweet time and won't change the locks anytime soon. And I don't want my daughter to see this but things have to be done today. My family is busy and I hate to ask them to come get her. Her father is useless and won't help.

Now what???? I just want him to go. Would the ideal situation be that he leaves, gets sober, somewhere else, and we work things out? I don't even know anymore. It's hard to love an alcoholic. I never knew. I wish I didn't know. Sorry, I'm just "venting".

FeelingGreat

Hi KK, seeing he's come back, and if you're still determined, you'll need to get the keys off him. He obviously doesn't respect your wishes. I assume the house is in your name?
It might be worth calling a legal help line and finding out what your rights are in this situation. I also suggest you write to him and tell him he cannot live with you any more, just to make things clear. This may not be necessary if you have his keys, but you can't be in the situation where he lets himself in at will. At that point you would need to call the police, and having a written notice to him that he is no longer allowed to live with you would help convince them.

Recovering2

You told him he can't live there. If you let him back in he knows not to respect you. Get the keys off him. Pack his stuff and leave it with a friend or someone where he can pick it up.

kking0108

You all may think I'm a big idiot but I'm giving him another chance. I did set stipulations, I'm tapering him off, I'm the only one allowed to bring the beer home, and these are the requirements if he wants to be here. Will it work? I'm not sure. Of course I'm hoping that he'll change and my daughter and I will be enough to convince him to change. He tells me I don't trust him, he just thinks I don't trust him around other women, hell that's the last thing I worry about. I don't trust other issues, not that. I'm going to keep coming here because I think it helps. And Al Anon may be possible in the future but for now I'm trying again, maybe I haven't learned my lesson or I'm just a glutton for punishment but I'm giving him one more chance. I'll keep praying my heart out.

SparkleKitty

KKing, I respect the choice you've made, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't go to Al-Anon! Al-Anon is for YOU, and you still need to take care of yourself no matter what he's doing.

Hammer

sorry. I do not follow. You think you are his Bartender?

doggonecarl

No...

...but hearing it from others isn't going to convince you. Learning it the hard way is often the only way.

Keep coming to SR and strongly consider al-anon, because the only person you have control of is you.

Good luck.

hopeful4

Hello and welcome.

I guess I don't really follow. You are going to bring his beer home now? I am not being a smarty, I just want to get it. Do you think you will control his drinking for him by only bringing him the amount of beer you bring him home?

I have seen a change in my AH recently and I believe it is because I have put the choices back on him. If he makes the wrong choices HE will suffer the consequences and they will have been HIS choices. He is in control of him, I am in control of my own actions and how I react to him.

Just a different perspective. Believe me, I understand where you are, I was there for a long time.

Good Luck and God Bless!

kking0108

Nope, his mother. I would laugh but I know it sounds stupid. He was going to go cold turkey and I'm a nurse and I've worked in the ICU and seen cold turkey cause heart attacks so I guess I'm being a bigger idiot but I still care. I guess we both have to learn the hard way. I will keep considering Al Anon. I'm actually going to reach out to someone today.

kking0108

Hopeful4-I know you're right. All of you are right. I just wish you weren't.

hopeful4

I know sweetie. It applies in my life too. I know it is right, but it is hard to follow through. Only you know when that time is right.

One thing I am so happy to hear you say is you are going to reach out TODAY! That is one thing in your control that will help you. If you find the right group you will feel so much better because you will begin to see...YOU CAN DO THIS, and you won't be alone doing it.

Praying for you today! God Bless!